37 Weeks, 6 Days.

Judging by a couple of email I received yesterday in response to this post, I’m gathering that reading negative thoughts about New York City isn’t an easy pill to swallow for some New Yorkers. And to the folks who cried, “Well, then get out!” We’re trying. We don’t necessarily want to, we’d like to stay here, raise a family (safely), get our kids the education they deserve, and embrace everything this city has to offer. But it’s not that easy. I imagine that we’ll move to New Jersey or Upstate New York so we can have the best of both worlds. My post was written out of frustration. I’m certainly entitled to feel frustrated by this city. Goodness knows, frustration is a catalyst for change and you’re lying to yourself if you don’t think that this city could use a little change. Anyway… I’m done with that for now.

Tomorrow I have my weekly check up and I’m absolutely certain that little Ndugu has dropped. I’m certain of this because I can no longer sit with my legs together. My belly is literally in my lap, so much so, it’s pushing my legs apart. I am very uncomfortable.

I’ve been sleeping propped up on pillows. Not because of terrible heartburn as one might assume. I sleep that way because when I lay on my left side (which is the side you’re supposed to sleep on in order to get as much blood to the placenta as possible and to alleviate Braxton Hicks contractions) the upper left hand side of my belly becomes numb and starts to burn. It feels as though someone is holding ice to it. Sound weird? Yeah, well, I’m 9 months pregnant, nothing related to my body will ever seem weird to me ever again. If I lie on my right side, I wake up an hour later with hip pain. I can’t lie on my back because the baby is too big now and we both suffer. Plus, I have trouble breathing if I lie on my back and he moves around in a most peculiar way; it’s his way of letting me know that he is NOT comfortable and I need to move. And I find that funny, because when I first got pregnant and started reading up on the dos and don’ts of pregnancy, I read that it’s best to not stay on one’s back for too long. I remember thinking, “How the hell am I going to make sure that doesn’t happen? What am I supposed to do if I end up on my back while I’m sleeping?” The book stated that the body has a way of letting a woman know. And boy was that ever true. It’s become physically impossible for me to do so. It’s far too uncomfortable. (If you do find yourself knocked up, buy yourself one of these immediately. The Snoogle was, by far, the most important item we purchased.)

I have to be honest, I have had trouble addressing this site recently – stuck between wanting to write out the whole gruesome truth and writing nothing at all. But then I think about everything I didn’t know about going into this and I figure, why not just put it out there? But I’m going to try and avoid too many gory details even though these things are absolutely natural and normal and I wasn’t ever really that good at keeping my mouth shut. So if you’re not one for gross talk, you might want to avoid this site from here on out. You’ve all been warned: I’m a gross, disgusting woman who willingly writes about poop, vaginal issues, eating placentas, and breast milk.

My due date is right around the corner. One of the many signs that labor is on its way is flu-like symptoms. (Translation: “women get the shits.”) They say that this is nature’s laxative – a way of cleaning the body out for what’s to come. (In the past, doctors used to give women enemas in order to clean out the intestines before giving birth. Some women still do this at home when they first go into labor. I find that a little crazy. What’s wrong with a little poop?) I was told that women who are susceptible to getting sick before they get their periods would most likely suffer from the flu-like side effect before they go into labor. If I remember correctly, this is caused by the hormone oxytocin. Without going into too much detail about my menstrual history, let’s just say that now that I’m deep within “Labor Month”, things are totally out of whack with regards to my system. I’ve reached a new level of discomfort. I’m a host at this point, on hold.

The good news is Nico is coming into the city tomorrow for a visit. And I haven’t had a social outing in a few weeks. I think the last time I went out was with Dave and Brad and we had dinner in the city. I’m looking forward to some girl talk. I’m looking forward to taking my mind off things for a while. I’m looking forward to gabbing. I’ll try and keep it clean, however. And I’ll try not to go into labor because Nico said she’d freak out.


  1. Sweetie, I’ve said this before, I’ll say it again – do not ever apologize for the content you put on YOUR site. You have every right to talk about whatever you want here – and if anybody doesn’t like it, they can choose not to read. It’s that simple.

    I can’t imagine how difficult this all must be for you right now, but we’re sending lots of good thoughts your way – you’re almost there and that awesome reward is just around the corner. Can’t wait to meet your little man. :)


  2. Jen – dunno who taught you about biology, but the reward isn’t around the corner – it’s up in her hoo-ha.

    Around the corner is off limits. :(


  3. I am actually really glad that you are so honest about EVERY aspect of your pregnancy. I’ve never been pregnant, but I hope to be one day. Reading about what you’re going through is enlightening. I know being pregnant can’t be easy and I’m happy to know that someone will be truthful about it. You’ve answered questions I’ve thought about but have been too embarrassed to ask (pooping during labor!). So, thanks for all of this. And I really lood forward to reading about your thoughts on being a mom!


  4. Um… look forward. I got so excited about commenting that I didn’t proofread my comment! Sorry.


  5. You know, there are some awesome things about being pregnant as well. I don’t mention them enough. Perhaps I’ll compose a post with all the awesome stuff. Or maybe I’ll just write a few right now.

    One: My mental state (and I think I have said this before) has been incredible for the most part. The 2nd Trimester brought along with it some of the most amazing moments of my life. I was truly happy, more content than I’ve ever been, truly happy.

    Also, food tastes like the most amazing thing on earth. The joy you get from a simple piece of cheese reaches new levels of euphoria. It’s like having the munchies only without all the drugged up side effects. Not that I’ve EVER had the munchies in my entire life, not me.

    Let’s see, probably the most awesome part of being pregnant is that most everyone in your life, both strangers and friends, are the nicest they’ve ever been to you. It’s entirely true. People are just really kind. They look at you as if you’re something special, unreal. And I got some amazing foot rubs, back rubs and scratches from my most understanding husband. (If only more folks in NYC would give up their seat on the subway, tho. That’s my biggest frustration with regards to how folks treat a pregnant lady.)

    I also had the most heartwarming shower thrown for me. My mother, bless her heart, threw the best surprise party for me. I am still teary-eyed about it. Family is so awesome. That party was so awesome. That is a post to come for sure. I am grateful beyond words for having that baby shower.

    I’ll write more awesome things in time.

    Oh, I hear having the actual baby is a great feeling. I haven’t had that yet!


  6. I loved the movement of the baby and the anticipation of seeing her face. I dont think I have ever been closer to someone physically and emotionally. THAT was awesome.

    Belly Button the size of a tea cup saucer, not so awesome.

    Michele, I am so glad nothing is off limits because you have jarred my memory of pregnancy which I did not realize how much I had forgotten.


  7. TJ – har har har ;p

    Michele – Add me to the list of people who are extremely appreciative of the frank and honest way you have been discussing your pregnancy.


  8. TobyJoe cracketh me up. :D

    Being pregnant is not always fun, in fact it is often a bit scary and overwhelming. I don’t think you’re being negative at all- just honest.


  9. I feel like reading your blog is like the girl in grade 2 who told me about the birds and the bees. I like that you lay it down. Seriously!


  10. Don’t apologize for sharing your experience!

    Your post reminded me of the hip pain…oh that hip pain coupled w/the acid reflux…I swear don’t listen to those people who tell you to get sleep now cause you won’t get sleep after the baby is born…at least after the baby is born you can sleep on your back and you don’t have to get up and pee 10x a nice and you don’t feel like an 85 year old woman w/bad hips!!!


  11. While I can see the benefits of going either way, I have a huge issue with some of the comments made here implying that those that live in the city are more cultured and arty.

    That is something the parent needs to take part in developing. I grew up on a farm, with cows and ducks…and do not for a second consider any of you city dwellers to be any more “creative” than me.

    Bad schools are everywhere. Bad anything is, everywhere. You need to be where you are happiest and where you feel you can do the best you can.

    There is not a thing you can provide in one that you can not the other, when it comes to quality of life.


  12. Woah, there little lady. Not everyone here (or on the post I believe you meant to leave this comment on) believes that he or she is more arty than those who grew up in more rural areas. I didn’t grow up ANYWHERE near a city. I grew up in rural Pennsyltuckey.

    I often contemplate moving to rural vermont and throwing in the city rag. It wouldn’t be far off from the areas I was raised. Rest assured, some folks here do not think any one city person is any more creative than those raised outside the city. If i had it my way, I’d move to a small quaker town and raise my kids around pacifists.


  13. I’m not sure anyone said “more creative.” Creativity can happen anywhere.

    Like mihow, I am also from the sticks and have no issues at all with raising kids in the country. In addition, a number of my family members are working artists who live-and have always lived-in rural areas. Creativity is not the issue.

    I can only speak for myself, but my comment in the previous post was about ACCESS to art. In a book or on a screen is not the same as in person. While I’d love every town in the nation to have a great art museum and performing arts space, the reality is that these things generally cluster around the money in cities where there is a donor pool to support them.

    It sounds hokey, but I believe in the transformative power of art and, personally, that is something that I would want my kid to be exposed to. where ever they are.

    the end.


  14. My two cents.

    It has to be a balance.

    I started raising my family in Vancouver, BC. Vancouver has just recently been voted most livable city. I loved living there. Beautiful summers, mild winters, beach, mountains, funky neighbourhoods…..

    but….. it was so expensive. We could never, ever, afford a house. The pile of crap we rented was valued at half a million then (2001) and is now nearing a million. The price of everything was high. So we could put Lucie, at the age of 2 in Pottery classes with a world reknowned potter, if we had the money. We could go to world class museum and art galleries if we could afford the time off work so we could pay for those not cheap entrance fees. A live event became a dream, pay for parking ( after thinking how and where), pay tickets, pay babysitter, call bank for loan.

    So you have to make a choice what is more important for you. I never worked since having my kids. I loved Vancouver. I love staying at home with my kids more. I never thought I’d be a SAHM but go figure. I now live in UAE and bought property in Alberta. I don’t think we could ever afford to access the best that my expensive city had to offer ( yes the beach and mountains are free but when you need to work so hard for the neccisities it is hard to find time )without two full time incomes.

    So you compromise and make the best decisions for YOU and YOUR family. A happy mom is a happy kid at the end of the day.

    I know you will find the place that you are meant to be.



  15. Meg, everything you just wrote is exactly what I wish I could have illustrated as well. Sure, being able to do all these things would be wonderful, but New York is pricey. Saying you want to do it and being able to afford it are two entirely different things.

    Anyway, I’d like to try and avoid receiving anymore email. But I do wonder how many of the negative feedback I have received came from people born and raised in nyc. I don’t think I know one person born and raised here. I wish that I did. I would love to pick their brains, ask them questions, etc.

    Anyway, thanks for the thoughtful comments, most of you. I do have a lot to think about, that’s for sure.


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