Plan B, The Cocktail.

People tell me that breastfeeding is really important. It’s nutritional for the baby. It helps build mommy-baby bonds. Plus, it’s cheaper. All of those reasons sound good and awesome but the main reason I want to do it is because it’s apparently a surefire way to lose weight. The thing is, I also heard that a lot of new moms have trouble getting the baby to nurse. So, if the baby won’t take my nipple, I have come up with another plan.

“I’d do it myself but my boobs don’t reach that far.”

“Yes, they do.”

“Well, that would hurt. So you’re going to have to do it.”

“Yeah, like I’m going to drink milk from you.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t drink while you’re breastfeeding.”

“We should get lactating women really tanked and then serve their milk in bars mixed in a cocktail. Everyone’s happy.”

“What will we call it?”


  1. Charlie, that’s funny. I was trying to put something into “White Russian” but I’m coming up blank. There is a milk drink (I’ve never heard of) called a Syllabub. I know what to do with that one but it’s not well known enough.


  2. Lactini. Shaken, not stirred. :)


  3. I like it, DigiGirl!


  4. oh wait…”The Momma’s Boy” …oh wait…


  5. Hmmm…….for some reason I feel compelled to go have a beer….On Tap….

    OK stopping now…apologies….


  6. There’s a drink called the Angel’s Tit already. Keep the name, and throw some in there instead of half and half.


  7. Drinking expired milk is totally gross! you shouldn’t do that!


  8. I co-wrote a screenplay revolving around the (invented) trendiness of breast milk for adults, and the issues of supply / demand / fad longetivity.

    We just called it a milktini in the script. However, towards the end the breast milk brand becomes known as Bilk , and the drink is rechristend a Bilktini.


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