Mihow

American Mihow.

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by

Mihow
in

Last night I did something I’ve never done before. And I’ll be honest with you; I feel a little ashamed about it. Last night when the clock struck 9 PM and the phone lines opened, my fingers, as if detached from my body, began moving toward my cell phone.

Last night I voted for a contestant on American Idol.

I haven’t watched American Idol since season one. Tobyjoe and I were a new couple, living in a great big loft overlooking Manhattan at the time. We wanted nothing more than one another, hot meals, a bottle of wine, and a TV set. It’s been, like, 4 seasons since then. I never thought I would relapse.

I blame this entirely on The Barbarian Group and the launch of their then new Web site: Become an MM. Had it not been for that Become an MM commercial (which aired on January 16th, the 6th season premier of American Idol) I never would have watched it in the first place. I never would have gotten attached to the tattooed beat boxer, the fat, curly haired kid, or the southern belle that was sent home back on group night because of two hussies. (Them bitches deserved a spanking and not the sexy, I want to git’ you in the rump kind of spanking, a true ass whoopin’.)

I voted last night, people. I voted for Blake Lewis. The testosterone is in full force this week, stronger than ever before. And it’s not only pimples I have in common with a teenage boy.

Commence with the ridicule. I can take it.

Edited to add: Donald Eugene asked the most awesome question. He asked, “If you were to audition for Idol, what would your audition song be?” Feel free to play along. When I come up with my final answer, I will post it in the comments section.

Comments

11 responses to “American Mihow.”

  1. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    My thoughts on other stuff from last night’s show: (because I feel like it and I’m procrastinating.)

    Sundance? Sorry, I just don’t like his voice. Plus, what’s with all the crying? It’s the name, isn’t it? And why is he always screaming into the microphone?

    The small Indian kid? Could he be any creepier? I seriously think the Pedophiles of America are keeping him in the competition.

    Everyone else, except for that Chris guy, the chubby kid, and maybe the built black guy (the classical pianist) are just downright blah. Blah blah blah. And even those fellers are kind of blah blah blah.

    Lastly, how is it that all three judges, who are supposedly all tied up in the music industry, hadn’t ever heard of that 311 song? If you don’t know the song because you liked the song, you know it because it’s the most annoying (and therefore catchy) song to come out of the 1990s. Yeesh.

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  2. Meghan Avatar
    Meghan

    Did I read between the lines….have you entered the sexmester? ha ha

    I agree about that creepy Sanjay. The girls kick ass this year.

    But hey I am not watching, really ….

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  3. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    Meghan, did you get my email? I wrote you a few days ago to tell you about how much I loved your book suggestion. Finished it last weekend. SO FREAKING DEPRESSING, but man, was it ever good.

    Sanjay! That’s his name. Creepy Creeperson, man.

    To be perfectly honest, I haven’t seen much of the girls actually perform. I missed them the last two weeks. I will check them out tonight. I hear they are much better than the guys. I’ll have to give it a go. Got your eye on anyone in particular? Don’t be shy!

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  4. DonaldEugene Avatar
    DonaldEugene

    I don’t watch AI anymore but one of my all time favorite random questions which I’ll pose to you, Mihow, is: If you were to audition for Idol, what would your audition song be?

    I’m procrastinating today too : )

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  5. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    Oh my goodness! What fun we’re about to have!!!

    DonaldEugene, you are a bad, bad boy asking me such questions when I have work to do!

    I must really ponder this. I will write back when I decide. Oh the choices!

    (Anyone else can play this too!)

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  6. DonaldEugene Avatar
    DonaldEugene

    hehehe—it’s even more fun in person when you actually get to hear the songs.

    For me, since I couldn’t carry a tune if it had handles, I’d do one of 2 things:
    —sing something so ridiculously difficult that it would highlight my lack of talent
    —sing something that doesn’t require any

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  7. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    There are just so many to choose from. I’m going to let ‘em rip here and then decide.

    Sylvia: Nobody (If you look real hard, you might find a Midi of it.) You can hear a bit of it here. Oh man, did I ever love singing that song when I was a kid. Seriously. It was the second 45 I owned. (Blondie’s Tide is High beat it out.

    Beth Orton: Stolen Car (I would butcher this lovely piece of art. It’s probably my top choice, however.)

    Concrete Blond: Joey (Man, that is an awesome song)

    Joey Scarbury: Believe it or Not (Did an AWESOME version of this drunk as shit at karaoke one night.)

    Beach Boys: Sloop John B Oh yes, they rule.

    Green Day: She (I enjoy screaming this one on the top of my lungs. I do it often when no one is around. I don’t think I’ll ever outgrow that band.)

    Bettie Serveert (You can hear a bit in iTunes here. Although it’s a different version from the one I have. Also, great song to scream.

    Jets to Brazil: I Typed for Mile (Because I would love to scream “YOU KEEP FUCKING UP MY LIFE” in a public setting.)

    Seriously, dude, this could go on forever. They just keep coming.

    And now I must go listen to some of them.

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  8. DonaldEugene Avatar
    DonaldEugene

    I’m sorry – you only get one! I might have to steal the John Scarbury idea – It’s an awesome song. Or, even better we could do a duet.

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  9. Sandy Avatar
    Sandy

    My audition songs would have to be suitably embarrassing and dramatic, as I cannot sing, so my complete over-the-top insanity is my only chance at getting on air: “The Rainbow Connection” OR “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers.” The part where Streisand belts “NOOOOW AFTAH LOVIN’ ME, LET AT NAAAAAAAGHT”… I rule at that part.

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  10. Meghan Avatar
    Meghan

    WEIRD!!!!

    My friend and I just had this conversation on our morning walk.

    We agreed… (this is so aging) Cakes version of I will Survive, any Shaun Colvin doing a cover of any John Waite’s song and Life on Mars the bowie arcade fire collaboration.

    HMMM I probably just revealed my not with it ness..

    Meg

    PS I will email you about the book because that is the great debate. was it depressing or hopeful. I left feeling hopeful. Glad you loved it.

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  11. DonaldEugene Avatar
    DonaldEugene

    it was going to be Sex Pistols Anarchy in the UK, then it was going to be Wild Like the Wind ala Nina Simone then Elvira by the Oak Ridge Boys but I have come to my final decision: Carpenters, Close to You.

    I know it by heart and can flirt with Paula and/or Simon while I croon.

    PS: on the Volvo I was going to guess carburetor. hope it’s better!

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