TV Loops. (My Brain Hurts.)

After three long years of hearing Tobyjoe talk about it, I finally started watching The Wire, which I am told is the best show on television. And I’d like to agree with everyone, but I’m having a little trouble. And I told Tobyjoe if I don’t do this – if I don’t make this post – I’ll sweat and eventually explode.

“Is that the gay guy?”

“No. You have that ‘all black people look the same’ thing going on, Michele. Keep up. That’s Omar not Marlow. And they look nothing alike.”

Here’s the deal: It’s not that I’m getting confused with the people on The Wire because I am an ignorant white girl who thinks everyone looks the same. I may be an ignorant white girl, but I can tell people apart. I assure you. Truth is, I’m getting them all confused because I’m watching too much television and now that we have a DVR, I’m watching even more and losing my mind in the process.

We watch Brotherhood. There are two brothers. One is a gangster, the other a politician. There is also a cop. He is troubled. Incidentally, I’m a little troubled as well. The other day I said, “You remember that movie Can’t Hardly Wait, the one where Claire from Six Feet Under gets her hump on with that kid from Buffy and the writer of Robot Chicken? Well, you know that skinny kid who liked Barry Manilow and wanted to call him from the parking lot when he was with that angel chick who was in Dhrama and Greg? That cop must be his older brother!” So, imagine my surprise when I found out that it’s not that kid’s big brother at all, instead, that skinny kid from Can’t Hardly Wait put on 100 pounds of man meat. He is the cop on Brotherhood.

So, there’s a cop, a recovering drunk, a politician (who may or may not be shady), a drug dealer and a gangster. (Come to think of it, if they threw in a CSI, a redheaded ex-Buffy cast member, a serial killer who kills serial killers, a MILF, and a disgruntled doctor with Asperger’s syndrome, that would just about cover one character from every TV show I currently watch.)

In The Wire, there’s a cop who was, at one time, a drunk. There are politicians: there’s a shady one (who gets blowjobs from his staff) and a legitimate feller. There’s a drug dealer (or maybe 400). There’s a teacher. Actually, there seem to be a LOT of main and sub main characters on The Wire. A lot. Thing is, along with the great number of regulars, there’s a huge cast of supporting characters and while many of them don’t get a lot of camera time all the time, sometimes they are the most important members of any given show. It’s totally different from any other TV show I’ve ever seen. Really. You may see a character one week and just when you’re about to forget about the guy he’ll pop up again 7 episodes later. You may not see them again at all. The Sopranos comes close, but it’s just not as thick.

The Wire is a great show. That’s indisputable. But I don’t think it’s a great show based solely on its merit. As with any dramatic series, The Wire has acquired a tightly knit fan club. People who have been watching it from the beginning can go into a corner to discuss it and not come out again for hours. (If you don’t believe me, have a drink with Tobyjoe and Missy someday.) If you haven’t watched that show since the beginning, you’re not going to be a part of that club until you get it all straight and that could take months and by then no one wants to talk about season one or two, they’ve moved on to the new stuff. And rightly so. But I digress.

I was watching Brotherhood last weekend and I turned to Tobyjoe and I said, “I wonder when that white guy running for Governor is going to be on. I wonder if he’ll win the race and beat out the guy who’s been Governor of Baltimore… oh. Never mind.”

I’m having trouble keeping The Wire straight while watching all the other shows our most excellent time waster has to offer. It’s maddening.

We started watching Dexter who is played by the guy from Six Feet Under who’s once TV sister-in-law is also on a Brothers and Sisters (which I am also watching). Calista Flockhart plays her sister who was on Ally McBeal, which featured that guy who is now on Numbers. Oh, and Sally Field plays her mom. Sally is also on ER. Brenda from Six Feet Under is married with two kids on Brothers and Sisters and is apparently smitten on the man who was once on ER. But everyone was at one time on ER. Just like all the people on Law and Order were once on Oz. All the people on Oz were once on Law and Order. Actually, I think everyone has been on Law and Order or Homocide (which I pronounce “Homo Side” just to bug Missy).

The coroner on CSI Miami, the woman who says things like “Someone took good care of you baby doll” to corpses, played the crackhead on The Corner, a show I’m confusing with The Wire, Brotherhood, and Law and Order and now CSI Miami. The deaf girl from Weeds is now on Jericho, which stars Skeet Ulrich who was in Scream, which featured Neve Cambell who was on Party of Five, which featured the guy from Lost which I have yet to see because a friend of mine won’t hurry up and watch the DVD (Keith, I’m talking to you.)

I’ve never seen 24 either. Or The Nine. Or Heroes. I did walk through a taping of 6 Degrees, on Friday night. I haven’t seen that show either but I do know that Erika Christensen who was also in Robot Chicken with Seth Green (Can’t Hardly Wait), and Swimfan with Jason Ritter (who is on that show The Class, which I have watched) is on 6 Degrees, which I haven’t watched but I did walk through on Friday night, which I mentioned. She was also in Traffic with that kid from That 70s Show, which featured Debra Jo Rupp who was on Friends who played the wife of Giovanni Ribisi who is on My Name is Earl, which I also sometimes watch even though it features Scientologists.

So, forgive me if I confuse Omar and Marlow for a while.

9 Comments

  1. Ask me: Do you feel better after making this post?

    No, not at all. They keep coming and I keep adding them. It’s got to stop somewhere. I seriously think I might be going mad.

    Reply

  2. Dude, I couldn’t even read this. Step away from the television….

    Reply

  3. This is why I drink. When I don’t drink, my head acts this way.

    Reply

  4. i love “My Name is Earl”. who’s a scientologist? am so out of the loop. (have i mentioned that the company i work for designs scientology centers?! i’m learning the lingo. it’s time to go.) and from where i sit, i think you are confusing Omar and Marlow b/c the 1st 3 letters of Marlow are the last 3 letters of Omar, but that’s just obvious and i’ve never seen either show, although drug deals do go down on my corner.

    Reply

  5. i think you are confusing Omar and Marlow b/c the 1st 3 letters of Marlow are the last 3 letters of Omar

    ::head explodes::

    That lead guy, ex-skater, he’s a scientologist. And I’m a cynical bitch who believes that they are all hiring their own kind so I automatically think they’re all into it somehow.

    Reply

  6. Old and busted: Six degrees of Kevin Bacon.

    New Hotness: Mihow’s tv actor lineage.

    Reply

  7. (just back from imdbdotcom…)Jason Lee? the guy who named his son “Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf-Lee” ? i had no idea!
    scientology creeps me out.

    Reply

  8. You all think I’m totally apeshit nuts, don’t you?

    Reply

  9. Preston Meyers…..hahahaha……she was and “angel stripper!”

    “did they just go into the makeout room with william lichter?”

    “look, it’s little kenny fisher…remember when you ate all those cheetoes and they got all stuck in your braces and everybody started calling you Chester Cheetoes…awe chester.”

    “mike dexter’s a god…..mike dexter’s a role model! fade to next scene…”mike dexter’s an asshole!”

    “Amanda, you’re not going to tell my parents about this…..oh shit!”

    “my 8th grade science project, a working rainforest until mike dexter and his jock buddies threw it out the window…it rains here no more….and
    who can forget the pudding incident….i know noone else can. tonightis the night, tonight is our night, tonight is our independence night!”

    i think i’m nutz

    Reply

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