I had a hell of a morning. I left the house at 8:30 leaving myself plenty of time to get to Midtown and take a Post picture. I got on the L Train almost immediately. I was in the second to the last car.

About five feet out of the Graham Avenue stop station, someone vomited all over the middle of the car. The New York thing to do in that situation was to move away from said person as quickly as possible, which everyone did. I was reading Bastard out of Carolina when the smell hit me and if the odor hadn’t been so unbelievably disgusting, I probably wouldn’t have noticed since that book is so devastating on its own.

People moved cars at Lorimer. Some moved in-between cars, others moved when we hit the station. And still others, like me, decided to stick our faces deep into the crack of our newspapers and books. Since there was so much smelly vomit, the train car I was in was almost empty; something that one rarely sees on the morning L Train.

At Lorimer, the vomiting person got off the train and a person getting on then stepped in it. And I gagged.

We pulled out of the station. About halfway between Lorimer and Bedford, our train came to screeching stop. We stayed there for a while. Our conductor kept saying, “We’re stopped here due to a police investigation at Lorimer”. Considering Lorimer was behind us at the time, I was confused, but whatever.

We sat there for a long while and then eventually the train lunged forward. Our conductor told us we’d stay at Bedford Avenue until further notice.

And yours truly forgot her cell phone today. I had one quarter. I tried calling Tobyjoe from the platform. Rang forever. No answer. Trying to get the most out of my quarter, I hung up before his voicemail picked up. I called back. At this point a line was forming behind me. Everyone needed to use the phone. The Bedford stop now had two trains parked within its station. The conductor kept repeating the same message, “Police Investigation. Blah Blah.” I couldn’t get Tobyjoe on the phone and in the end I lost the quarter. I didn’t even get to leave a message.

People were milling about all over Bedford Avenue. I heard one woman call into a potential employer about being late for an interview. She had a portfolio with her. Another woman waited with her daughter, trying to hail a cab or a car service, neither was anywhere to be found.

I figured the G Train would be running. I could take it into Long Island City and then hit the 7 Train. But someone told me that the entire Lorimer Street station was shut down, HAZMAT trucks and fire trucks were there, so were the police. “It was a mess,” he had said.

I don’t know what’s going on. But if anyone is going to know the story as it unfolds, it’s going to be Gothamist who is currently reporting that things are now up and running while NY1 is saying it’s still down after they found a suspicious package. Apparently service has been restored entirely. Either way, I’ll bet you a hundred bucks we’re never given a full explanation.

Me? I eventually got on the B61 and hit the 7 Train. I got to work before 10 but the entire ordeal took 1.5 hours.

I have often joked about the ways in which I might finally meet my demise. Cancer? A falling air conditioner? But I’m really starting to believe the L Train will eventually claim me. I need to break up with the L Train.

Edited to add: In the end, the word is someone sprayed a Brooklyn bound train with pepper spray. (Probably kids.) The reason everyone freaked out was because people kept getting off the train, therefore folks thought it was a widespread sort of event. So, the guy on my train, the one who puked, was just some sick guy. The other people? They were hit with pepper spray. That’s what they’re saying at least.