My Daugther is not Frigid!

I’m a bit like Monica. You know, that make believe person on the hit T.V. show, Friends. I’m not squeaky clean or anything but I have been known to vacuum my Dyson. I also have a very strict protocol for all my towels and bedding. I’m a little neurotic about where things are left and how they’re placed. And there’s the “don’t steal my baby’s name” thing, too, which is precisely why I’m writing. But before I begin, you have to promise you’re not going to steal it from me.

My brother had a baby boy yesterday. That makes me an Aunt to the Second Power. Simone now has a baby brother. By the time you read this, he’ll be two days old. Anyway, his name is Shep, which is short for Shepard. I like it. It might not be considered a normal name, and I think that’s WHY I like it. Well, that and I already know he’s going to be a writer. I already know what he’s going to look like, too. With a name like Shepard, you’re guaranteed a few things as parents.

I am willing to approve almost every eccentric name for a few reasons. One: I like when people are different. I like when different people name their different babies unorthodox names. That’s a good thing. Otherwise, we’d have a lot babies named Michelle, Matthew, Jennifer, and Chris. (Nothing against anyone who might be reading this who happens to share one of those names. I am a Michele. We’re common.) Unique names are wonderful (Unless his or her name is Moses. That’s just weird.) But, generally speaking, unique names are the best. You must agree with me on this. You simply must, for I am about to admit something that I don’t really want to admit about the name of my daughter.

Tobyjoe and I are going to start with the baby thing. We’re taking it slowly, might as well get some practice in, right? And I know that once that time comes, we’re going to conceive a baby girl. I know this because I have her name picked out and have for 5 years now, maybe even longer. We’re going to name our baby girl Winter. Winter Jane Boudreaux. (O.K. so, I haven’t actually got approval on the whole Jane thing, yet. And I have barely gotten final approval on the whole Winter thing yet. I think Tobyjoe is secretly wishing we’d have a boy so that there will be no need for that final discussion.) In all of my life, I haven’t ever seen, met, contacted, read about, or heard about a girl named Winter. I’ve met a lot of Summer’s and they’re not always carrying a sunny disposition around with them. Quite the contrary, actually. When they’re not stealing the second most popular girl’s boyfriend (who happens also to be their best friend), they’ve got a rolled dollar bill up their nose or one folded up in her g-string.

I’ve met several Summer’s but I haven’t ever met a girl named Winter. I’ve never even heard about a girl named Winter.

The other night, I recorded 20/20 because I could. The show was about a group of people who are asexual. They get married. They cuddle. They plan vacations. They even kiss. But they do not have sex. They don’t have any desire to have sex. They haven’t ever even had sex to know if they don’t enjoy it.

The shocking part, for me, wasn’t that there is actually a group of people who don’t have sex. The shocking part for me wasn’t the no-sex clause at all. The shocking part for me was that one of the gals they interviewed just happen to be named Winter.

Do I take this as a sign? The first time I ever hear about a girl named Winter and she happens to be a member of this rare group of people who are totally and completely uninterested in sex. This Winter person was a self-declared asexual.

I pictured her growing up and being teased. Girls probably made fun her perky nipples after gym. At one point, she had to go through that awkward first sexual experience with a lanky, zitty, teenage boy who wanted to pop and drain his boner as if it were a whitehead. And when she thought better of it, and said, “No.” Winter was declared frigid. Ugly boys can be so mean. Ugly horny teenage boys should be arrested until they are 18. (You’re totally having second thoughts about stealing the name from me, aren’t you?)

To an outsider, did this Winter live up to her name? Does what we’re named have any impact on how we end up? Because I want to name my little girl Winter Jane Boudreaux and I want her to be warm like most Summer’s should be and I want her to have Toby’s nose, cheeks and freckles.

55 Comments

  1. Any daughter I have WILL be frigid, if she knows what’s good for her.

    Reply

  2. good point. This title (and post) is probably wildly inappropriate. Oh well. Why stop offending people now?

    Reply

  3. Random info that you probably don’t need to know, since you don’t even know me: One of my roommates in college was named January – never met another January ever. That same year, I lived down the hall from a Summer. Odd. Winter is definitely better than January. I think it’s a very pretty name, and not at all odd like Apple, Moses or Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee’s son). Also, love Jane as a middle name.

    Reply

  4. first off, congrats on makin’ babies. i don’t actually “know” either of you, but i feel i can safely say you’ll be great parents. we’re gearing up for it ourselves, and its a pretty cool feeling. (its an entirely different process, however) 5 years ago i would have said i never wanted kids, but now all i want is a little sarah.

    Stick with Winter. i work with a 50 year old virgin named Leslie. If you were thinking Winter Leslie I might say that’s a sign. The truth is, your little person will one day grow into a person-person and you’ll love them whether they like sex or not.

    unless maybe its sex with animals.

    Reply

  5. I need to know everything, Maddie. No worries on anything seemingly random. I, too, have always liked the name Winter. We simply MUST have a baby girl.

    Regarding the Jane thing. I figured if she hates Winter, she can go with plane Jane. :]

    Reply

  6. Aimee, I don’t know you, but I have grown to quite like you being here.

    Just thought I’d share. You seem like one rockin’ hot chick.

    Reply

  7. michele, that’s very sweet of you to say. :] i very much enjoy being here. its loads better than work.

    Reply

  8. no jane (today is the first mention of it to me)

    diane.

    Reply

  9. you’re not aimee from harlem? there are two aimees here?

    holy moly

    Reply

  10. NO it was NOT! You nixed Jane already! Your memory is fading. I brought it up to you in the kitchen months ago and you were all, “JANE?! Are you naming our daughter after an exgirlfriend of __’s?”

    Dude. I can’t believe you don’t remember that.

    Reply

  11. Oh, right. I think I said “gerry will try to bang her.”

    gotcha.

    Diane is the chosen name. So suck it, Trebek!

    Reply

  12. hahahhahaha

    I forgot about that part of our conversation. Diane is a great name.

    (Gerry, if you’re reading this, we love you.)

    Reply

  13. Oh, right. He broke up with us.

    I miss the wiz.

    Reply

  14. Gerry Boudreaux after he marries our daughter.

    Reply

  15. seriously, I don’t even know the name. it’s spelled wrong, too.

    Reply

  16. Winter is a great name!
    Jane? Not so much. ;-)
    The dialogue between you and TJ in the comments here is cracking me up.
    Wishing you the best of luck and mucho fun in your baby-making attempts!

    Reply

  17. Holy shit, I just realized I spelled plain, “plane”. She’s going to fly!

    Reply

  18. congrats on the new family member!

    If I’m remembering correctly, Toby’s just sucking up to your mom.

    I think TJ needs to be honored by giving every of one your children the middle name Joe or Jo. Winter Jo Boudreaux. It has a nice ring to it!

    Reply

  19. oh my goodness! I like it!

    Winter Joanne?

    (Just incase she doesn’t like being called Winter and also doesn’t want a boy’s name.)

    Reply

  20. Diane is her mom’s name and my mom and sisters’ middle name. So there, NICO!

    Reply

  21. Uhoh, you done went and pissed off my baby’s daddy.

    Reply

  22. Oooh. I like that name Winter. I like Jane too. It is very simple.
    Winter would make a good name for a boy too…

    Mike and I have yet to discuss names for this second one. I got my 20 week sonogram done this week. I was so tempted to find out the gender but we decided to go not finding out again….

    Reply

  23. Diane Jo Boudreaux?

    Reply

  24. i think mom/grandma names go best as middle names. we’re giving the shout-outs in the middle.

    Reply

  25. Nico doesn’t like Winter!

    Reply

  26. Winter Diane Jo Boudreaux?

    Reply

  27. Winter Thyme Jo Boudreaux.

    Reply

  28. Thyme?

    Rosemary Parsley Sage Jo Boudreaux

    PS Is it wrong that I want to name a prospective boy-child Absalom?

    Reply

  29. OK, i’ll admit, I had no idea who he was. Now, I do! I read up on Prince Absalom.

    If you do, he’ll be the most handsom, for sure. I say, go for it.

    Although, how many Americans will think you named him after a terrorist?

    Reply

  30. wait a second: His sister Tamar had been raped by David’s eldest son, Amnon, who was in love with her. Absalom, after waiting two years, revenged by sending his servants to murder Amnon at a feast to which he had invited all the king’s sons (2 Samuel 13)

    Doesn’t that mean Amnon raped his own sister?

    I am so confused.

    Reply

  31. “Although, how many Americans will think you named him after a terrorist?”

    I can’t help if people don’t know the difference between the Old Testament and the Koran. (is that what you mean?) These are probably the same people that think I’m Chinese.

    Absalom was no saint, and I couldn’t care less about the religious stuff, but I like the name.

    Reply

  32. hehe I love the name Winter Thyme. BTW how do you pronounce Boudreaux?

    Reply

  33. nico, I figured I should have explained that (albeit bad) joke better. I meant that anything that doesn’t sound “American” might confuse people. And given the way folks are thinking during this day and age, they’re quick to assume Middle Eastern.

    I have no idea what I’m talking about. Forgive.

    For what it’s worth, I like the name, too.

    athena: boo-droh.

    Reply

  34. toe bee joe boo drow

    Reply

  35. BOO DROH, not BOO DR-OW!

    Tobyjoe doesn’t know how to say his own last name. For shame.

    Reply

  36. yeah, boo droh

    like, “Who low?”

    or “Poo Fro!”

    Reply

  37. you could name her toby after tobyjoe. i have a (female) friend named toby. she’s very unique. and not asexual, either.

    Reply

  38. why yes she is. or at least half. her dad wasn’t but he didn’t care about whatever he was so she was raised jewish.

    Reply

  39. Every time we visit B&H in Manhattan (for those of you who don’t know about B&H it’s run by the hasidic community) whoever checks us out sees Toby’s name and says, “Toby? Toby is a girl’s name.”

    Reply

  40. reflecting on that last statement, it occurs to me that someone being “half” a religion just because their parents don’t both ascribe to the same one is pretty silly. Its not like its genetically squirted in there, half and half style, like your chromosomes or anything…

    so let me re-phrase that. toby is jewish.

    Reply

  41. do you then tell them that you only have one “L”??

    that would really mix it up.

    Reply

  42. Congrats on the baby. Winter is a beautiful name. On a personal note, if I were asexual, I think I would be much more productive, so maybe it’s not such a bad thing.

    Reply

  43. Remember when Elaine gave up sex in Seinfeld? She became really stupid? And the boys became really smart?

    That’s it! I’m naming my daughter Winter. All those who read this and thought to themselves, “what a horrible name!” can bite me.

    Reply

  44. congrats, i’m gonna be an uncle for the first time this fall…..i’m very excited!!!! here’s some lovely first names of the ghetto neighbor kids by me for your reading pleasure…… Jew, Germany, Modesty, Sweet, Shitheade (pronounced sha-theed!!!!), and the latest and greatest……..drumrole please…..Idenisia (pronounced…I-Denys-Ya) apparently she was unhappy with the guy who planted the seed when he claimed the kid wasn’t his!

    so michele, i think you’re on the right path with Winter. i like it a lot, so soon i’ll be able to say i know all of the seasons personally………..but you’re right to watch out for gerry, he’ll probaly want to know the seasons intimately! watch him like a hawk! hehehehehe

    Reply

  45. Oh dear, you’re totally going to be an Uncle Greg! You’re a PERFECT uncle. You’re a more perfect father, but holy cratastic, you’re gonna make one hell of an uncle. I’d totally want you to be my uncle.

    Reply

  46. Boudreaux. c’est francais, non?

    Reply

  47. I think it’s Cajun. Does that count? :]

    Reply

  48. A Penn State friend of mine JUST had a baby girl named Winter Marie. So far she seems pudgy and cute and baby-like… cannot make any personality judgements just yet.

    Reply

  49. So excited for the 2 (soon enough to be 3) of you! Have you told the cats? is Tucker pissed??
    I like the name Winter and i like the name Diane, but ‘Winter Diane’ makes me think of a dessert menu… crepe suzette, baked alaska, winter diane… does that make any sense? probably not, but it’s what i immediately thought of. Love baby Jane, sweet Jane, plain Jane, all that. We need to do a Conan O’Brien-style “if they mated” bit immediately! Fire-up the Photoshop engines.

    Reply

  50. there’s a girl here at school with me named winter – she’s very nice, not frigid as far as i can tell. so i think you’re in the clear :)

    Reply

Leave a Reply