I’m a bit like Monica. You know, that make believe person on the hit T.V. show, Friends. I’m not squeaky clean or anything but I have been known to vacuum my Dyson. I also have a very strict protocol for all my towels and bedding. I’m a little neurotic about where things are left and how they’re placed. And there’s the “don’t steal my baby’s name” thing, too, which is precisely why I’m writing. But before I begin, you have to promise you’re not going to steal it from me.
My brother had a baby boy yesterday. That makes me an Aunt to the Second Power. Simone now has a baby brother. By the time you read this, he’ll be two days old. Anyway, his name is Shep, which is short for Shepard. I like it. It might not be considered a normal name, and I think that’s WHY I like it. Well, that and I already know he’s going to be a writer. I already know what he’s going to look like, too. With a name like Shepard, you’re guaranteed a few things as parents.
I am willing to approve almost every eccentric name for a few reasons. One: I like when people are different. I like when different people name their different babies unorthodox names. That’s a good thing. Otherwise, we’d have a lot babies named Michelle, Matthew, Jennifer, and Chris. (Nothing against anyone who might be reading this who happens to share one of those names. I am a Michele. We’re common.) Unique names are wonderful (Unless his or her name is Moses. That’s just weird.) But, generally speaking, unique names are the best. You must agree with me on this. You simply must, for I am about to admit something that I don’t really want to admit about the name of my daughter.
Tobyjoe and I are going to start with the baby thing. We’re taking it slowly, might as well get some practice in, right? And I know that once that time comes, we’re going to conceive a baby girl. I know this because I have her name picked out and have for 5 years now, maybe even longer. We’re going to name our baby girl Winter. Winter Jane Boudreaux. (O.K. so, I haven’t actually got approval on the whole Jane thing, yet. And I have barely gotten final approval on the whole Winter thing yet. I think Tobyjoe is secretly wishing we’d have a boy so that there will be no need for that final discussion.) In all of my life, I haven’t ever seen, met, contacted, read about, or heard about a girl named Winter. I’ve met a lot of Summer’s and they’re not always carrying a sunny disposition around with them. Quite the contrary, actually. When they’re not stealing the second most popular girl’s boyfriend (who happens also to be their best friend), they’ve got a rolled dollar bill up their nose or one folded up in her g-string.
I’ve met several Summer’s but I haven’t ever met a girl named Winter. I’ve never even heard about a girl named Winter.
The other night, I recorded 20/20 because I could. The show was about a group of people who are asexual. They get married. They cuddle. They plan vacations. They even kiss. But they do not have sex. They don’t have any desire to have sex. They haven’t ever even had sex to know if they don’t enjoy it.
The shocking part, for me, wasn’t that there is actually a group of people who don’t have sex. The shocking part for me wasn’t the no-sex clause at all. The shocking part for me was that one of the gals they interviewed just happen to be named Winter.
Do I take this as a sign? The first time I ever hear about a girl named Winter and she happens to be a member of this rare group of people who are totally and completely uninterested in sex. This Winter person was a self-declared asexual.
I pictured her growing up and being teased. Girls probably made fun her perky nipples after gym. At one point, she had to go through that awkward first sexual experience with a lanky, zitty, teenage boy who wanted to pop and drain his boner as if it were a whitehead. And when she thought better of it, and said, “No.” Winter was declared frigid. Ugly boys can be so mean. Ugly horny teenage boys should be arrested until they are 18. (You’re totally having second thoughts about stealing the name from me, aren’t you?)
To an outsider, did this Winter live up to her name? Does what we’re named have any impact on how we end up? Because I want to name my little girl Winter Jane Boudreaux and I want her to be warm like most Summer’s should be and I want her to have Toby’s nose, cheeks and freckles.