On Saturday, Toby Joe and I left the house to get some grocery shopping in. I, of course, had to wash the car because she looks much sexier when she’s cleaned. We were driving down McGuiness Boulevard when Toby Joe noticed something.
“It seems that some crackhead may have broken off our antenna.”
“WHAT?! YOU’RE KIDDING ME!”
Sure enough, the very top of the the car antennae had been removed. And suddenly, I wanted to run down every crackhead in site.
“How do you know it’s the crime of a crackhead?”
“They use the top to smoke out of. 98 percent of the time, if you have your antenna taken, it’s the work of a crackhead.”
“I know this is wrong, but I want to kill all the crackheads.”
“Well, in all fairness, it could have been removed by someone wishing to smoke heroin.”
“That’s fine. I’ll kill them, too.”
We pulled up to the car wash. I got out of the car and quickly gave it a once over before handing the guy my keys. That’s when I noticed the back of the car.
“TOBY! LOOK AT THIS SHIT!”
And that’s when I noticed that someone had clipped my car. The rear, left-hand taillight was busted. The rubber was dangling down, holding a piece of plastic like some pathetic baby tooth. I fought back the tears. The guy getting ready to wash my car shook his head as if to say, “Yeah, but this ain’t nothing.”
We’re pretty sure we know where and when it happened. And we’re pretty sure it was done by some drunk driver. That’s the only way this could have happened. I mean, unless they started giving licenses out to the blind.
I am going to have it fixed. I waited too long to have a car like that not to. But I am in need of a decent auto body mechanic preferably one who has a thing for Volvos. (New York people, email me if you know of anyone. Please. Make me happy again.)
Every time I think about it I become enraged. And then last night while moving my car to another spot, someone screamed at me calling me an asshole because I was apparently driving too slowly. Why are people so horrible while driving? For someone who has a thing for cars, I find myself ready to hate the folks who drive them.