Give me your hungry, your tired your poor I’ll piss on ’em

That’s what the statue of bigotry says. —Lou Reed.

Spending a week in the country and returning to this can do a number with one’s existence. Prior my knowledge of the hurricane, I mentioned that I need to redirect my life. I’m not sure what day it was because after a day or two without the need for day names you tend to forget what to call it. I just started questioning everything I do from how I make my money to how I spend my free time. I questioned the rent I pay, my quality of life, and the amount of time I spend on the Internet doing the things that I do, really believing that I’m doing something, fooling myself into believing I am doing something.

I am not doing anything here. Writing every day does nothing for me or anyone else. Yet every day I join the ranks of a million other people who whine about what should be done and how it should be done and why it should be done instead of doing anything at all.

And I hate that I’m like this.

I am not even sure if I want to continue this Web site as all it really does is take up the time that I could actually spend DOING something.

I’m having trouble moving back into this life I have after realizing it’s entirely possible to exist without it, happily, too.

I wish I knew what to do to help people. I wish I could be a better person everyday. I wish I knew what to do.

What do I do?

The last time I felt this useless was on September 11th, 2001. I tried to give blood. I tried to go help clean up. I donated money. I asked for donations. I put together a benefit at a local bar in Brooklyn. I told my brother I loved him after believing the worst. I stood with groups of people trying to figure out what to do and how to help and even after the Red Cross and the NYPD said there was no real need. I made a promise to myself that on more non-emergent days, on days where there weren’t THOUSANDS of people offering up their help, I’d do whatever I could to help out.

It’s so easy to lose sight of that once time has time.

What the hell can I do?

And why am I still writing this?

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