I Am an Animal, Not a Man.

It’s not even 11 AM and my armpits are already starting to saute the onions. I even wore Old Spice for Men after someone told me to buy it. And it was working for a while. Now, it’s not. Maybe I didn’t put enough on. But surely by 6 PM, I’ll be offensive. No one will want to search my bags, for sure.

I’m getting Iodine today. If that doesn’t work, I’m going to rip my armpits off.

16 Comments

  1. You poor stinky girl!

    What kind of material are you wearing? That’s a serious question, as I find there are some synthetic materials that make it much harder for the skin to ‘breathe’ underneath them, which can add to one’s general stinkiness.
    I am curious to hear reports about the iodine, however, because if that works, then I would gladly toss out the deodorant/antipersperants forever!

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  2. You’re right about the material. T-shirts don’t have this affect on me, but I can’t wear them to work. I have to wear more synthetic crap to work. today, I have on something with silk in it, which is exactly why I think it’s happening.

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  3. Mens products aren’t stronger than womens fyi. If you weren’t oposed to antipersperants I would say try centain dri, and putting it on at night not in the morning.

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  4. Maybe bring it with you and re-apply as needed.

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  5. Sian, I think I might just deal with the possibility of losing my mind. No one should have to smell me. I would hate me if I were someone else. At night? Why is that?

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  6. I suggested the Spice, but I cannot take any blame if you happen to be extra stanky.

    mmmm spice and onions…

    you might have to just venture into the realm of antiperspirants and risk the Alzheimers. they do work well. and once you have Alzhemiers you won’t know why or even that you have it. so alls good in the end.

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  7. I don’t think I wore enough today. That’s all.

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  8. I’m pretty stinky too and I live in the sultry south. I’ve found that Philosophy’s Power Shower works pretty well for me. It contains clay which I think helps keep the stank under control. I still wear deodorant as well, but I smell less when I do sweat.

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  9. Mihow, I have the same problem as you. Only it doesn’t matter what material I wear and it only started when I was pregnant (and 30 years old)but has continued. I find that the only deoderant that works for me is Degree in a soft solid. So, I don’t stink or smell like men’s deoderant.

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  10. Certain Dri is the extra, extra strength stuff. I think it is recommended to apply at night as the stuff has a better shot at working cause you sweat less at night, when it has been freshly applied. I have heard good things from people who say they sweat a lot(as in having to put regular stuff on throughout the day).
    Just a thought.

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  11. Use the rock. It’s the only thing that works, for me anyway.
    http://www.thecrystal.com/

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  12. Eat a lot of beans. Nobody will notice your armpits if you’re farting all the time.

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  13. If this is REALLY a problem you could always resort to one of those serious treatments, like Botoxing your armpits. I suggested the iodine, by the way, and you have to wash with soap, apply iodine and let sit for a minute, rinse and I like to follow with another soapy wash. Give it a few days. It will probably pass once the weather isn’t so hot and humid. I think Americans are a little too crazy about smells, anyway. Why is b.o. a total tabu but anyone can commit chemical warfare on you with any of those hideous Glade products? (Don’t get me wrong, I’m not INTO b.o., but it’s a fact of life, people, let’s deal with it. Your armpit stinks; you are not necessarily a bad person because of it.) And those scent CDs? What IS that stuff?

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  14. Charlie, hilarious. And probably true. Come to think of it, I’m not sure which is worse, smelly pits or horrendous gas. What do you think? I think, if pressed, I’d have to say gas. There is something really fucked up about knowing that you’re smelling something that came out of someone’s asshole.
    Mariah, i will try the iodine this weekend and let you know. Thanks!

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  15. GAS!!! Really, the gas. I mean armpits can be downright hot ,if the odor is coming from someone your biology REALLY wants you to jump.

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  16. I agree with sian. I think musky-smelling women have a certain allure. What if you went sleeveless? Would the airflow help or hurt do you think?

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