Iced Grande Sugar Free Vanilla Triple Skim Latte.

Dear Michele,

Finally, you have become the person you once silently judged during the countless hours spent waiting in line at Starbucks

A few minutes ago, you showed up at the Starbucks on Madison Avenue and 42nd Street for a 3 PM caffeine fix. There, you ordered one Iced Grande Sugar Free Vanilla Triple Skim Latte.

We’re not sure there are more wordy orders.

Sincerely,
The Kettle.

20 Comments

  1. I am silently judging you.

    but i don’t even know what half of your order means.

    I am one of those people who refuse to use the stupid size names and get chastised by the starbucks mafia for not ordering a
    large-o or whatever its is called.

    i’m not a big coffee drinker obviously. or a jitterbug.

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  2. I am silently judging you for even going to Starfucks, let alone the drink!!
    Good thing you’re chock-a-block with other good qualities!

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  3. Oh, wait a minute. I must not have made myself super clear. I didn’t actually ORDER it this way. I ordered it more like this:
    “Hi, do you do sugar free lattes? If so, can I have a medium? Also, I want skim milk and how many shots are in there? If there are only two, I want three. Iced, please.”
    And the barista said it back to me using the above Starbucks Translation. I can’t even say my husband’s name most of the time, let alone get that shit out.

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  4. You put the boom-boom into my heart
    You send my soul sky high when your lovin’ starts
    Jitterbug into my brain
    Goes a bang-bang-bang ‘til my feet do the same
    But something’s bugging you
    Something ain’t right
    My best friend told me what you did last night
    Left me sleepin’ in my bed
    I was dreaming, but I should have been with you instead.

    Wake me up before you go-go
    Don’t leave me hanging on like a yo-yo
    Wake me up before you go-go
    I don’t want to miss it when you hit that high
    Wake me up before you go-go
    ‘Cause I’m not plannin’ on going solo
    Wake me up before you go-go
    Take me dancing tonight
    I wanna hit that high (yeah, yeah)

    You take the grey skies out of my way
    You make the sun shine brighter than Doris Day
    Turned a bright spark into a flame
    My beats per minute never been the same

    ‘Cause you’re my lady, I’m your fool
    It makes me crazy when you act so cruel
    Come on, baby, let’s not fight
    We’ll go dancing, everything will be all right

    Wake me up before you go-go
    Don’t leave me hanging on like a yo-yo
    Wake me up before you go-go
    I don’t want to miss it when you hit that high
    Wake me up before you go-go
    ‘Cause I’m not plannin’’ on going solo
    Wake me up before you go-go
    Take me dancing tonight
    I wanna hit that high (yeah, yeah, baby)

    Jitterbug

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  5. Sian, but they support fair trade!
    OK. OK. you can flog me for it. Oh, and judge me. I’m such a hypocrite. I refuse McDonalds and Wal Mart, yet I drink coffee from Starbucks.

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  6. Jon, I still don’t get it.

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  7. I hate you jon.

    wham! lyrics must not be spoken. they will be with me for days….

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  8. coffee makes you JITTERy, silly.

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  9. See, I was expecting more.

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  10. hmmmmm…maybe there is more…

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  11. I already implied that you have been forgiven!! I have been know to enter an old navy once or twice. Remember when they put that Starfucks on the coner of Columbia and Calvert? Didn’t it make you want to cry a little?

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  12. Sian, I gotta admit, I was pretty bummed when that happen. I was worried for Tryst. But then again, getting to that damn corner was nearly impossible. Unless, of course, you spent a lot of time down at a certain pool hall… which, we did. Did you EVER go into the one on P street? Hmmmm?

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  13. I was trying to be mihow’s soundtrack.

    After she got the über gay named “Iced Grande Sugar Free Vanilla Triple Skim Latte”, Wham! started playing—and then she was supposed to have a gasoline fight with three of her best friends that would end up in a freak accident claiming three of their lives.

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  14. The Starfucks? No!! There was coffee available inside my place of employment. I have been inside a Starfucks MAYBE twice in the last couple of years. I only go in extreme situations, like waking up in strange places with nothing local in sight and no time to look before hitting the road.In fact, Vu would stop in the S.F on Columbia from time to time to buy a newspaper. I would wait outside. He found it really annoying but too bad, he’s the one who married me.

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  15. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
    Just thought I didn’t sound angry enough.
    You know what my weakness is? That big burrito chain owned by McDonalds. God those things are delicious!! Good thing we don’t have any in C’Ville.

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  16. Yes, Chipoltle, right? Toby LOVES that place. I have only been once. My weakness lately is Tasti-D-Lite. I can’t get enough of that shit.

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  17. I’m getting sorta worked up just thikning about it!
    Are those allowed on the diet? I always here that supense inducing music Dunh,Dunh,DUNH! When I read the phrase “the diet”. Do we get to see some pictures of you. I’m guessing you are the size of a flea by now. This based on the number of pounds you say you have lost.

    Reply

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