Biting Back the Barf

Last week, Toby Joe and I met the ENTIRE family down in Florida for a reunion, which had been planned nearly a year and a half ago. We left last Sunday on an afternoon flight that was scheduled to touchdown in Orlando at around 4 in the afternoon.

Have you ever put something off due to unwarranted dread up until the very last minute and once you finally decide to go ahead and do it, you look back and you regret the fact that you hadn’t discovered/attempted/embraced said dreadful deed before your time was up? That’s how I will begin to describe Epcot’s new ride Mission: Space. We didn’t actually try it out until Friday, our last day there. Add to that description a (permanent) plastic barfbag holder, some claustrophobia, Gary Sinise and a whole lot of biting back nausea and you have an overall description of the ride. Oh, but I forgot the most important part; It’s frickin’ brilliant.

The ride simulates traveling into space. It begins at Cape Canaveral and ends on Mars. The warnings thrown all over the inside of the ride were almost more frightful than the actual ride. And I’m convinced they are (along with the sick individuals waiting for their braver [or dumber] loved ones who can’t stop riding) the main reason the line never broke a 5 minute wait; people are made to fear it. Not that said fear isn’t warranted. Toby never made it on. Especially after I got off the ride the first time and told him I had to bite back vomiting as that horrifying yet familiar feeling of nauseous warmth moved from my head all the way down to m my toes. Some of you might think I’m exaggerating. I’m glad I’m not. It was, by far, the most exciting “ride” I’ve ever been on.

First, they strap you into this rather small vessel. You’re to share it with three other people. Up until you actually enter the vehicle and pull down the safety bar, you’re able to bail. (I bailed twice, actually. I bailed twice even AFTER going on the damn thing once before and knowing what to expect.) But once you’re in that seat, you’re captive and the only thing left to do is keep your eyes open at all times, and stare at the monitor straight ahead of you no matter what happens.

Blasting off was the worst part. The vessel you’re in moves so you’re lying on your back. At that point, the monitor shows a blue sky. As the countdown begins, smoke fills the screen and then it happens – the weirdness.

What you’re seeing before you on the monitor is forward movement, yet you’re not actually going anywhere. Your body begins to feel heavy, your cheeks move to the back of your neck and your fat moves in alongside of you; the ride is spinning to simulate the speed at which one takes off. And then the warmth hits. While this was happening, a sound came up from my throat. While sounding it out would work best, it might be written like this:

Auuulrrrgggahhh

Before you know it, you’re breaking through clouds and you’re floating through space. And somehow, they simulate weightlessness. And somehow, my brother, my father and I spend hours trying to figure out how. Without a point of reference, there is no way of knowing which way you

13 Comments

  1. That sounds awesome – I want to go! (Just have to remember the Dramamine.)

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  2. It really is incredible. I want to hug its creators. They’re smart folks, those peeps. I hope other people follow suit. Could make for some incredible future amusements. :]

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  3. I loved the google ads that came up when I loaded the page. They were both for anti-barfing medication. Sounds like a really interesting ride. If I ever make it down to Florida I’m definitely going to check that out.

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  4. Ah yes, “Gas, Bloating Flatulence” lovin’ the Google ads indeed.

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  5. Someone wrote asking me if Gary Sinise was there with us. No. I’m sorry I didn’t make this clearer. He’s the guy who does the explanation via a pre-recorded message.

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  6. OH MY GOD! I went on that ride on our honeymoon, and I thought I had perhaps DIED and gone to nausea limbo.

    It is an amazing ride. Brilliant is right. I however, was sick for an hour afterwards. Scott said I was green when I came out. I don’t think I’ll be heading into space any time soon. I’m sticking to the Tower of Terror.

    P.S. Gary Sinise is hot.

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  7. Amanda, I think we were separated at birth. I freaking LOVE the Tower of Terror. I could ride it for hours straight and giggle each and every time. (Toby felt ill after that ride, too. awwwwwww).

    And Gary is indeed hot. Yes.

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  8. I loved that ride! It didn’t make me feel sick though… Did you notice they leave you on Mars? Return trip is not included.

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  9. I know, right? I was wondering about that as well.
    I hear some folks get by unscathed. My father was/is one of them. Truly fascinating.

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  10. Wow, that sounds awesome! I’m a roller coaster junkie, so I would probably LOVE it. Too bad Florida is so far away!

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  11. Oh, dear God! Did you click on the Gas, Bloating and Flatulence ad? Must they really SHOW us that? (I made the mistake of clicking to enlarge, too. Stupid, stupid!) I don’t think I want to know what’s in my colon.

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  12. I have not! But now you have piqued my curiosity!
    *clicks ad

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  13. Sounds frickin awesome.

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