Chafed

I know I tend to write about my workout habits too much (when I actually work out) but we need some information/suggestions.

After a run we had last night, it seems that my lovely husband went and discovered himself a rash. It’s a rash one might find in between the legs. And it hurts. And it’s red. Poor Beaner.

In between my beautiful renditions of, “It rubs the lotion on the skin or it gets the hose again.” are his google searches for “ways to relieve the redness and all the ball-chafing.” That said, any or all information regarding what a boy is to do when faced with such a problem is greatly appreciated—consider it my 31st birthday present. And besides, you were all so helpful in the past.

53 Comments

  1. Tips from the balls of Essl

    Rule 1: Always powder your balls.

    Rule 2: Medicated powder is better than baby powder. I prefer Zasorb but its harder to find than say Gold Bond.

    If it is a serious rash I recommend 2 things.

    1. Lay down legs open, naked, for as long as possible. Read a book. Air is good for your balls.

    2. This will seem gross. Athletes foot spray has worked for me when other things have not.

    Hope this helps.

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  2. I’m sorry, he doesn’t have a rash. TOBY IS STANDING OVER ME MAKING SURE THAT I CORRECT MYSELF FOR SAYING THAT HE HAS A RASH ON HIS BALLS. I REPEAT, TOBY JOE DOES NOT HAVE A RASH ON HIS BALLS. HIS BALLS ARE RASH FREE. THERE IS NO RASH ON TOBY’S BALLS.

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  3. P.S. Thank you, essl. We will medicate his rash, I mean balls. I mean, his chafed ball rash. I mean his rashless chafed balls.

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  4. I know how important his balls are to you, so it is understandable that you would be concerned.

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  5. Yes. Here are some pictures:

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  6. I thought mihow had the jock itch.

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  7. Seriously, he can reduce the inflammation with something like Desitin (a zinc oxide cream). If the skin is broken, just try to keep it dry.

    Try wearing compression shorts in the future when you’re running.

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  8. And by dry, GotJesus means you should lay down legs open, naked, for as long as possible.

    I am such a little kid. I love this thread.

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  9. I am sorry. I know it is not nice to laugh at an unfortunate situation but I seem to recollect a friend of mine having the same situation. Consider yourself lucky that it did occur when you were not vacationing in Spain. My friend suffered until he got back to Paris where he was able to find some powder which solved the problem. For some reason none was to be found in Spain.
    Good luck.

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  10. There’s stuff you can get at the running room for this called Bodyglide – they sell it in a deodorant tube thing. Just put it on the chafey bits before exercising.

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  11. I wrote the above comment while drunk on wine. We were out eating fatty foods and consuming wine for my birthday. I’m not even sure what I was talking about or who I was talking to for that matter. Forgive.

    Lana, have you used this stuff?

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  12. File under if symptons persist…

    my friend Scooter had a ball rash that he believed to be jock itch that wouldn’t go away and it turned out to be a staff infection. He claims he picked it up from a yoga matt…

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  13. Oh my god. That’s awful. A yoga matt, eh? Hmmmmm That reminds me of a story. I used to do Bikram yoga up until the time I lifted my head from the floor during the class and had a foreign pubic hair stuck to the side of my cheek. That’s the only thing I ever picked up while on a yoga matt.

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  14. oh that’s awful…

    take away lesson is: invest in your own mat.

    I wonder if ButtPaste would help?

    ps: happy birthday sweet girl

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  15. Thanks, donald. BTW we ARE coming to DC. We just needed more funds first. I hope you’re still down for dinner and some pool.

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  16. come on down when you can! …except for prez day weekend!

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  17. I can’t say I haven’t learned things on this site.

    :: eyes wide open ::

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  18. As much as I dislike thinking about Toby’s crotch… oh hell, who am I kidding… I doodle about it on my Trapper Keeper cover.

    Two words:
    Gold Bond Medicated Powder.

    And Happy Birthday, Michelle.

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  19. Thanks, hotpocket. Man, I could go for one of you right now, actually.

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  20. Too fun. My vote is on vaseline. I think it was my favourite day when we were on this topic before.

    Happy Birthday Michele!

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  21. People generally dig a tale or two about chafing. It’s true. I think he should just lube up beforehand. Vaseline works. Boudreaux’s Buttpaste would be totally funny, tho.

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  22. I don’t have a rash.
    I don’t even have any post-chafing rashes or tenderness. I appreciate the advice for how to deal with crotch rot, and if I’m ever as filthy as the rest of you and have such a problem, I’ll trust your expert opinions.
    My problem is more that my running form has gone to hell and once I start to get a little bit tired my thighs start to rub and it gets really raw right away. Ouch.
    I want preventative suggestions.
    Lycra shorts under my basketball shorts? Donnie – ask Kyra for me. She was a serious runner and I’m sure she knows some magic secret.

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  23. You know, with the number of people hitting my site by typing “Naked Runners” into Google, one would think there’d be a plethora of preventative information being written here. But nooooooooo, they just want to see ass.

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  24. should you get chafed, use aloe gel (for sunscreen)—anything else will sting like fucking hell

    to prevent it, i’d go for powder like essl said, and boxer breifs (so you don’t have to wear those gay compression shorts).

    you could probably use vaseline or that runners stuff too, but that sounds kinda gay

    and by gay above, i didn’t mean the derogatory ‘uncool’ but the accepted ‘homosexual’

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  25. You see, Toby runs for 30, lifts for a while, then does another 30 of cardio. That said, he’s all worried about getting the lube or powder all over the weight benches and then having to reapply it before running again. At least that’s what I think he said. I guess he could carry a towel around with him and make sure to clean up after his slug trail. (He’s going to kill me for this post.)

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  26. The slug trail is exactly what I worry about. I’ll check out boxer briefs or compression shorts. I think it’s the only way to go.

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  27. I love my alive straight slug.

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  28. a sprinkling of powder doesn’t get everywhere

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  29. Ok, that’s two jobs for Jon to do; order me around while on the treadmill and sprinkle the powder.

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  30. who can resist the chance to call mihow fat while sprinkling her husband’s balls with baby powder?

    me.

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  31. Holy crap! I just laughed long and hard at that response. Which is exactly what I needed considering today I’m in the most bizarre and unjustifiably worst absolute bad mood. What’s that book? My no good very bad day? Or was it a poem. I do not remember. Either way, thanks for the laugh.

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  32. Jon’s going to need a raise if you expect him to be VP in Charge of Powder Sprinkling in addition to his role as Master Motivational Insult Specialist. I’ll ask Kyra what she suggests but I’ll bet a combo of boxer briefs [fruit of the looms have extra long legs and you can get a dozen for about $6 at Target] and Gold Bond will do the job…

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  33. luckily I’m so knock-kneed I’ts physically impossible for my thighs to touch one another…

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  34. Even worse than the chafing, I find that when I’ve been running a lot I’m bothered most by the pilling of the hairs in my ass crack. Does this happen to anyone else, or am I the only one with asscrack hair long enough to get painfully tangled?

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  35. I have to admit, I have had issues with my hairs pulling, but not along my asscrack…. another place, if you will. You’re not alone, running dog.

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  36. I think you should wear long underwear, TJ. Entirely. Like, tops and bottoms.

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  37. you think YOU’RE crying? My wife (Running Bitch) asked me the other day why I sounded like I was whimpering like a puppy in the shower. I was too embarrassed to say that my pitiful yelping was a result of my manual anal depilatory struggle.

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  38. A Girl: I just want to clarify that it’s not the pUlling but the pIlling (with an I) that bothers me. They get all wound up in these tight little balls, kinda like what happens to fleece when you wash it too much.

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  39. Do you think a “I am a porno star” type waxing might help? I’m not even sure how that works, exactly.

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  40. It might help, but it would be a hell of a thing to explain to the guys in the locker room.

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  41. if your asshair is seriously that long, you should get it shaved or waxed

    then, you can powder it

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  42. I was a long time sufferer of asscrack hair pilling until I started wearing mine in tight braids, corn-hole rows I guess you could say. The only problem is finding someone to do them…

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  43. I think jon may be willing.

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  44. Jon is really an all-around—jack of all trades kind of guy. He’ll tell you you’re fat and you need to keep on running (Full Metal Jacket style). He’ll powder your thighs and I do believe that for the right price he’ll corn-row your asshair. Step right up, folks. His hours are limited.

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  45. My mother in law reads this site, you perverted freaks.

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  46. Is she a runner? wink wink

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