Pretty much every reason I am alive today came together perfectly on the day that I met Toby. He picked me up and let me walk again. He made me understand that it’s o.k. to love and let it be known. Toby is absolutely the most wonderful thing that has ever happen to me next to being given a life. And I imagine it will remain this way until I have his children.

I have spent days and hours of days and minutes of hours trying to write about what he means to me. And I just can’t do it. And sometimes when I hug him, I really do hope and think that one day I might just slip inside.

Toby made me realize that up until I met him, a certain part of me was walking around in the dark, fumbling around, wondering what the goddamn point was to all of this.

Someday, I hope that by putting together everything I have learned through all the people in my life, I will eventually figure out that perfect equation and let everybody know just how this feels.

For now, I’ll just stumble around a bit and hope that he’ll always be there to laugh whenever I trip and pick me up whenever I fall.

(I love you, Beaner. Here’s to 2005 together. And five is a really good number.)

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