To the sphincter(s) who choose to drive like speed demons, out to revenge upon anyone going the normal speed limit at 7:45 in the morning, in order to maybe hit the BQE 1 tenth of a second faster than had they not been a total asshole, all the while driving A GEO TRACKER?!! ARE YOU DELUSIONAL? Contrary to whatever that salesman told you at the GEO dealer, contrary to whatever relative (or friend) told you about its color, it’s pastel.

Men drive Trackers or Sidekicks or whatever they’re called. Is it because they can’t get a lady sidekick? And a certain kind of man drives a GEO Tracker. And they are often seen acting like total shit-releasing body parts on a mission to scare and annoy all. Maybe they act like this to cover up the fact that their penis [which we can’t see while you’re in your mobile unit, by the way] is actually the size of an Oscar Meyer Miniature Wiener.

I picture these men yelling “SUZUKI!” and thinking they know kung-fu or something. Bastard.

Tomorrow’s topic: PT Cruisers are the new Tracker.