What they left out was that before the bear passed out, he proceeded to use one of the campers’ cell phones to call ex-girlfriends and growl pathetically. They also found him covered in magic marker with his eyebrows shaved, which led rangers to believe that the bear was not alone.
Here is a true story. One year I bought my father a remington micro screen electric razor for christmas.
well, he was in his bathroom playing with it and came out covering his eye with his hand, saying “dear God! i’ve done something terrible!” (You have to imagine a sober sounding Ozzy Osbourne—he and my dad are from the same part of England and sound exactly alike).
He took his hand away and revealed (to my mother’s and my relief) that he had shaved off half an eyebrow. Apparently he was trying to trim them (!?) and slipped.
We still tease him about that. And about the time he inadvertantly wore a pair of my younger sister’s underpants to work (no lie).
Ah the things we do. I once lit my eyelashes and eyebrows on fire, but that was almost as if God said to me “Hey, if you’re going to smoke at age 13, I’m going to burn your facial hair off.” Unfortunately, I continued to smoke for many years. Your father sounds incredibly funny.
My father, it seems, has been the victim of history’s longest string of poop accidents. He likes to go for long walks and invariably finds himself miles from a toilet. Usually he makes it home in time, but I don’t know how many times he’s had accidents just moments before he can get home. The event he feels guiltiest about was crapping behind a synagogue’s sign just a few blocks from his house. It really pained him to think that someone might have interpreted his accident as an act of anti-semitism. Still it never stops him from telling that story (or the dozens of others like it). My wife listens in horror while I do all I can to control my own bowels while laughing hysterically.
It was with profound regret that my wife realized that all three of our children have inherited my family’s love of poop stories and all things shit-related.
GotJesus, you really need a blog. Hell, you can hijack mine. These stories are priceless. Also, word of advice, look away from scbob, step away from the cellphone.
LOL!!!!! It is because of discussions like this that make me laugh out loud that I keep coming back….Well that, and the fact that Mihow and Toby are practically my neighbors and they know where I live and have a copy of my house key so I feel kinda obliged to keep reading! ;0)
Yeah, but it’s american beer… : )
What they left out was that before the bear passed out, he proceeded to use one of the campers’ cell phones to call ex-girlfriends and growl pathetically. They also found him covered in magic marker with his eyebrows shaved, which led rangers to believe that the bear was not alone.
oh wait … that was me last week.
You are JOKING! Awesome. Like, really shaved? Or just slightly shaved? Like Apply Nair on them shaved?
hahaha! I will now direct your attention to the opening of your first post today:
”…When I was a kid I fell for the most absurd stories. “
omg, too funny.
::shakes fist at sky::
FOILED AGAIN!
Here is a true story. One year I bought my father a remington micro screen electric razor for christmas.
well, he was in his bathroom playing with it and came out covering his eye with his hand, saying “dear God! i’ve done something terrible!” (You have to imagine a sober sounding Ozzy Osbourne—he and my dad are from the same part of England and sound exactly alike).
He took his hand away and revealed (to my mother’s and my relief) that he had shaved off half an eyebrow. Apparently he was trying to trim them (!?) and slipped.
We still tease him about that. And about the time he inadvertantly wore a pair of my younger sister’s underpants to work (no lie).
Truth is indeed stranger than fiction.
Ah the things we do. I once lit my eyelashes and eyebrows on fire, but that was almost as if God said to me “Hey, if you’re going to smoke at age 13, I’m going to burn your facial hair off.” Unfortunately, I continued to smoke for many years. Your father sounds incredibly funny.
He is.
[toby don’t read any more …]
My father, it seems, has been the victim of history’s longest string of poop accidents. He likes to go for long walks and invariably finds himself miles from a toilet. Usually he makes it home in time, but I don’t know how many times he’s had accidents just moments before he can get home. The event he feels guiltiest about was crapping behind a synagogue’s sign just a few blocks from his house. It really pained him to think that someone might have interpreted his accident as an act of anti-semitism. Still it never stops him from telling that story (or the dozens of others like it). My wife listens in horror while I do all I can to control my own bowels while laughing hysterically.
It was with profound regret that my wife realized that all three of our children have inherited my family’s love of poop stories and all things shit-related.
GotJesus – I have a cell phone you can have.
GotJesus, you really need a blog. Hell, you can hijack mine. These stories are priceless. Also, word of advice, look away from scbob, step away from the cellphone.
LOL!!!!! It is because of discussions like this that make me laugh out loud that I keep coming back….Well that, and the fact that Mihow and Toby are practically my neighbors and they know where I live and have a copy of my house key so I feel kinda obliged to keep reading! ;0)