The Contents of mihow: An Autobiography of Songs (Day Five)

I’m 6. I’m in our brown, custom-designed van, wall-to-wall carpeting, lights everywhere. I can stand up, proper, without touching the ceiling. I am pleased by this ability until I realize it means I’m smaller than my brother, whose head hits it. It doesn’t matter anymore anyway because ever since battery acid leaked in the van (and I watched a scary episode of The Greatest American Hero) I have been afraid of it. The acid ate the carpet in the very back, the back where we played while travelling, and it turned a fleshy pink color. It had looked like skin and, in my expert opinion, the van really just needed to be put down forever. We needed a new car. But the piece of beige flesh was removed and then covered again with something else. And, once again, we were on a trip, headed east.
Our many hours spent traveling would have been much more tolerable if I could just listen to George Burns or Olivia (and sometimes Michael Jackson). And even Abba would have been better than this weird, Parent stuff. (A Wingle who? Whep? Why?) I never got all of it. But they’re parents they must know what they’re saying. Right?

(What the hell? Why not just name it? It’s the least you can do in that heat)..

(Get an umbrella or stay inside, you big jerk, no need to go to the desert).

(This guy is clearly crazy. If he had to do something so desperate in order to get away from the rain, he should have written his name down after naming the poor horse).

It turned into a sea? And you set the horse free? I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR A FREE HORSE TO FIND ME FOR YEARS YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARD!

Clearly, this person should not own a horse.

(I wonder if he’s sings about the rain and the cake too).

Here is a snapshot. (3.8 mgs)

29 Comments

  1. That song reminds me of camping with my parents when I was a kid. Aw. ;) Your story is cute. Ah, to be 6 again.

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  2. So, my mom just called me from work to see how it’s going, and THAT SONG was playing in the background. How errie is that?!

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  3. You’re kidding me!

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  4. There are several songs from my childhood that almost give me anxiety attacks when I hear them now. Some sort of sense memory that I can’t quite grasp…One of them is that “rain and the cake” song. Every time I hear it, I want to vomit.

    The Horse With No Name song also gives me the random heebiejeebies. And every time I would hear it on the radio and that “A Wingle who?” part always made my brain uncontrollably segue into “The Lion Sleeps Tonight.”

    I do not know why I’m sharing this, except to say that I wonder if the children of our generation will grow up and be freaked out by the sound of The White Stripes or something.

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  5. I’m thinking people like Christine Aguilera or Celine Dion will do that, not the White Stripes. I see them being more like how I remember the Beattles or The Animals. Who knows though. Jack White does have this very odd way of sticking to the side of your skull.

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  6. Blastphemy! hee. (my obsession grows to new heights…)

    Yeah, I think the stripes will have a similar effect on my kids that the Stones had on me. My parents and I will both listen and agree that it is still good (the old stuff by them, that is like “Paint It Black”). My kid will probably love new country or something else god fuckin’ awful.

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  7. Reminds me of climbing the bookshelves in our living room to curl up on the shelf above my dad’s massive, mysterious stereo equipment. Always liked a song with imagery.
    :)
    What was that other song “don’t ride the white horse / ride the white pony” ? There was a weird song like that right?

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  8. I used to ride a stool while listening to The Gambler. Only the stool was actually a horse. And it did have a name. I called him “Crystal”

    I thing that song you’re speaking of was a bit later, but I do know the one.

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  9. don’t be dissing on “macarthur park” it’s one of the all time classics of music from the modern era…

    actually that’s bullshit, it sucks…

    ABBA on the other hand rock furiously…

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  10. “Spring was never waiting for us, girl
    It ran one step ahead
    As we followed in the dance
    Between the parted pages and were pressed
    In love’s hot, fevered iron
    Like a striped pair of pants

    MacArthur Park is melting in the dark
    All the sweet, green icing flowing down
    Someone left the cake out in the rain
    I don’t think that I can take it
    ‘Cause it took so long to bake it
    And I’ll never have that recipe again
    Oh, no!

    I recall the yellow cotton dress
    Foaming like a wave
    On the ground around your knees
    The birds, like tender babies in your hands
    And the old men playing checkers by the trees

    MacArthur Park is melting in the dark
    All the sweet, green icing flowing down
    Someone left the cake out in the rain
    I don’t think that I can take it
    ‘Cause it took so long to bake it
    And I’ll never have that recipe again
    Oh, no!

    [break]

    There will be another song for me
    For I will sing it
    There will be another dream for me
    Someone will bring it
    I will drink the wine while it is warm
    And never let you catch me looking at the sun
    And after all the loves of my life
    After all the loves of my life
    You’ll still be the one

    I will take my life into my hands and I will use it
    I will win the worship in their eyes and I will lose it
    I will have the things that I desire
    And my passion flow like rivers through the sky
    And after all the loves of my life
    After all the loves of my life
    I’ll be thinking of you
    And wondering why

    [break]

    MacArthur Park is melting in the dark
    All the sweet, green icing flowing down
    Someone left the cake out in the rain
    I don’t think that I can take it
    ‘Cause it took so long to bake it
    And I’ll never have that recipe again
    Oh, no!
    Oh, no
    No, no
    Oh no!!

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  11. What in the hell is wrong with you.

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  12. What the hell is wrong with this.

    I recall the yellow cotton dress
    Foaming like a wave
    On the ground around your knees
    The birds, like tender babies in your hands
    And the old men playing checkers by the trees

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  13. All I have to say is that if my dress were “foaming,” I’d be fucking scared.

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  14. While surrounded by men playing checkers? Hell yes! We all know how these things sometimes fall to the ground like pennies.

    Dirty pervert from the 70s.

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  15. So she’s on the ground with a foaming dress, picking up checkers while old men ogle her goods, and clutching baby birds in her hands?

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  16. meanwhile the aqualung guy is there, watching as the frilly panties run.

    shudder

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  17. hey man, i didn’t write the song… i’m just saying

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  18. Ok, is it just me or does this scream something dirty.

    “I will take my life into my hands and I will use it”

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  19. heehee

    ok, tell us more about the horse “Crystal”.

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  20. Yes, I’d like to hear more about Mihow riding a stool.

    Somewhere in this, there’s a Mihow cartoon waiting to happen.

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  21. ok, sicko’s

    It was only a game. nothing fancy pants. nothing having to do with the pants at all. I just wanted a horse so damn bad…

    and not in that gay-lesbian-riding-horses way.

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    And her name was Crystal (I said “he” earlier, meant she) because i was obsessed with the Dark Crystal and gelflings. Which is I think why I love TobyJoe so much. He’s Kyra.

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  22. Holy God. Did you just refer to TobyJoe as Kyra? Heh heh heh. That’s hilarious.

    I’m disappointed that I’m coming into this thread so late in the day. I dig MacArthur Park. Really. Plus, I had a horse made out of a dining room chair. Only he was a horse with no name.

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  23. HOW DARE YE NOT NAME THY HORSE!

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  24. Man, I was hoping Crystal would be because of Crystal Gayle. That long hair can make any folk singer of the late ‘70s just hooooot.

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  25. Uh…. Brownie, then? How about Brownie?

    Star? Flame? Uh… Gypsy?

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  26. I’d still like to know the relationship between TobyJoe and Kyra, though… It’s unbelievably intriguing. Better that than, say, Skeksis, I suppose.

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  27. Well, now, her hair was sort of tail like. hmmmmm

    I wanted a horse so badly, I was actually excited when I found out my violin had horse hair on its bow.

    Sad.

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  28. isn’t obvious?

    (I think I just scared even myself away from here).

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  29. Yeah. I think, in my head, I thought they looked similar, but now that I see that image of the little gelfling, I’m thinking no.

    I have issues.

    Now, fizwig on the other hand….

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