Bloggin = Corwardly

Telephones make strangers out of lovers.

Whiskey makes strangers all look good.

Blogging makes coward out of mihow.

Sometimes I think people read this, think they have insight into what’s going on in my life and figure, “Well, hell, I know what michele’s up to, she said so on her blogger.”

I have done this. I read Missy’s site and I think I get a nugget of information about how they feel and I don’t think about calling them, or writing them to say “Hey girl, let’s sip wine and chat about elephants.” And I’m starting to wonder how easily this may effect people I know, friends of mine, some, who could very well be reading and be totally silent during all of this (lazy biznitches). And if I shut up for a few days, or for a few weeks, or for good, will I receive more phonecalls? Will I see people a bit more? Will the lurkers of my now online life become a part of my real life as they once were? Do they think they know what it is I’ve really been thinking?

Yeah. Ok. Contact.

I fear the phone. Totally afraid of it. Sometimes I don’t answer it for days on end. Now ask my mother about the phone when I was a teenager or even a few years ago (sans internet); A totally different story. I’ve become a scared coward. Now was that going to happen anyway? Or has it happened following the lazy aid of such things like email and blogging, AIM and message boards. And then I ask, what is it these things all have in common? They lack human interaction and actual voice. And I’m sort of getting tired of that. Yes, it’s easy, it’s instant gratification, (something we all LOVE during this day and age) however, there are friends I have lost touch with over the past few years who DON’T feel completely addicted to spreading their lives via the internet. And I’m asking myself, these days, why that is.

I’ll be the first to admit, that an email after a few years of no contact, can be much easy on the nerves and the tummy than say calling someone and putting them on the spot, but I find I write email to people I once had great, late night conversations with. And that just plain sucks. Hell, I have had miss Nico’s birthday present sitting on my desk for over a month now. How friggin lazy can one get?
Well, here’s to trying to even it out a bit. And here’s to exlaining why I may discontinue my postage here.

I am thinking out loud at this. Wondering what type of comments or thoughts I may spawn from this flighty post. Granted, I haven’t put too much thought into the writing of this, so if doesn’t make sense, I do apologize, But I am frustrated with how little actual human contact I have outside of work anymore. Maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s the age thing, maybe I’m just tired, or maybe I need to make an assertive effort in being more human, grabbing hold of everyone and making them commit to good, ole fashioned eye-contact.
Who knows. But really, isn’t a hug better than these empty words? Especially a hug coupled with a beer or a coffee? :]

(Along these lines, and talking out of the other side of my face, after the reformatting of my computer, I lost ALL of my email. So I can’t write people. If folks would be so kind as to write me with their emails, that’d be great).

11 Comments

  1. You’re totally breaking up with me. ;)

    I’ve never met you, but really enjoy reading your blog daily and checking out your photos and what not. Call me weird, but it’s like a nice little break from the work day.
    Anyway, don’t go. Get some people contact, and then come back.

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  2. I don’t think that having a blog or whathaveyou necessarily precludes having outside “real life” relationships. I think if you feel you are avoiding people, there’s a reason for that. It’s not the internet.

    My cousin was addicted to the internet. She would stay online all night long, chatting with people. Meanwhile she ignored her husband and any friends who didn’t want to sit and watch her on the computer. That is NOT you.

    You’ve been in some sort of social hibernation for a few months now. It is time for you to stick your head out. Do something stupid, do something spur of the moment. Make plans with people you haven’t seen in a while. Make regular plans (i.e. once a week or once a month) with people who are geographically close to you. You can do it, you can do it, if you put your mind to it.

    Of course, you can’t come visit me as I am running off to England tomorrow, so maybe I’m just talking out of my ass.

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  3. (apologizing in advance for my previous post sounding preachy and obnoxious)

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  4. Freakgirl, you are absolutely right. The regularly scheduled thing is a great idea, since (and it may just be me) we tend to get deeper into routines as we get older.

    Mihow, I understand about the nuggets of info maing one think they’ve got the update on a person’s life. And yet I also know that the amount and type of stuff I don’t blog about could just about fit into the Grand Canyon (to borrow a phrase).

    As for avoiding people….online communication makes communication too easy, but that doesn’t make it right. I dislike the fact that I resort to email and IM more often than not. Sometimes it’s cowardice, sometimes it’s laziness. It’s no wonder that being around groups of people makes me nervous, and that lacking regular conversations causes me to forget words when I want to use them while speaking, and that I more frequently forget people’s names and details about their lives.

    Let’s get out more.

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  5. I do think the internet has a lot to do with how people act towards one another and change. In fact, it’s indisputable, in my opinion.

    And honestly, this is what I mean by a “nugget” of truth into someone’s life… you can’t honestly say or know that “I’ve been in a social hibernation” for the past several months as I only really show myself via this website. It’s easy for folks to get wrapped up in the evidence they are given and not always think of what happens the other times during any given day. The internet is as selfish as it is selfless.

    This is only one small bit of my life so when it becomes a means for people to not think to call and say, “Hey, let’s go camping this weekend” or “McDonalds gave me gas last night” that’s a problem.

    Truth is, I have too many left over cell minutes at the end of each month. I need to use up my minutes. I’m going to make more annoying phone calls, like I used to. Sometimes, even really drunk ones.

    hehe WATCH OUT!

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  6. That wasn’t mean to sound snotty. just so you know. :]

    I’m truly gonna shut up now.

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  7. Woo woo, drunk dialing, yeeHAW!!!

    You make an excellent point about me knowing whether or not you’ve been in social hibernation. Sorry to be presumptuous. :)

    No harm, no foul, now go make some phone calls and then go have drinks with Missy!

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  8. Speaking of social hibernation…I do that a lot. I used to always be going out, hanging with friends, being really social. Over the past few years, something inside me has changed and I don’t like to do that anymore. I like my alone time, and my free time, and my quiet.

    Part of it is learning (over time) that the people I thought were such good friends really weren’t, and so we went our separate ways. There are a couple of people that I still see regularly…I’ve learned who my friends are.

    But that’s only part of it. Every once in a while I find myself pulling away…saying “no” to social events more often than saying “yes”, and enjoying my time at home or alone. And then, one day, I wake up and I feel lonely. I need some contact. I need a phone call or a night out for drinks or whatever. I want to sit next to a friend, make physical contact when we talk, and generally experience warmth from people. And lucky for me, my friends understand and accept that I like to spend more time on my own, but they’re happy to see me and hang out anytime I want. I have some good friends.

    So that’s my story.

    Anyway, having a website is supposed to be fun. If it’s not fun, or it’s making you feel bad, or if it feels too much like on obligation, maybe you need to take a break. But if you go, I will miss you! And I will be here when and if you come back.

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  9. michele, I sometimes visit you here, in the tobyjoe coded palace of your thoughts, it so happens that today I do so and read this. I really understand. Trully I do. I remember a long dead IRC channel where people talked and sometimes spoke sense but mostly stale but tolerable drivel to cloak what must have been all our lonliness.

    Let me just say I walk passed manhattan avenue as it crosses the street I now live on, and often think about jumping on the B43 and using my ‘way of the bus’ to get off as it turns for a coffee break down commercial. But as yet I have not returned. Going back to an old place you once lived and not having the keys is strangley painful to me. “closure” in a real sense but not a psychological one i suppose.

    well, the point of my rant: I really value your words when I read them. I hope you and toby are well and I thought of him on the 11th of december.
    I’m drunk so forgive me.

    love,

    Danny.

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  10. I have made a point of not getting caught up in too much internet-style social crap. I don’t like what I see it do to people. I have visited people who spend half the visit checking e-mail or making the rounds of sites like ebay.

    I was pleasantly surprised to find Freakgirl’s site, but since it has changed I don’t see it much. I have modern enough browsers to read it but I don’t have any OTHER reason to use them.

    Before I had and internet connection I briefly dated a girl who wasn’t used to communicating by anything other than e-mail or chat.

    I collect stamps. Collecting stamps has become difficult.

    I have quite enjoyed some of the conversations I have had with you, Mihow, and with some of the rest of you. Uncharacteristically, I have put my e-mail address at the top. If anyone would like to engage in the godd old-fashioned hobby of exchanging hand-written letters every few weeks, write to me. We can exchange addresses.

    I know it’s late. I know there’s a good chance I will be the last person to read this. Still, it’s out there.

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  11. I may be emotional due to the impending repetition of a monthly thing, I may also just be hopped up on the remnants of nighttime theraflu, or I may have just felt touched by these two posts… I am not of knowing which of these possibilities it is. And I don’t care. I’m deeply touched by the way certain words go together, I believe it’s like being a mathematician and finally stumbling on a the right answer to an equation. I suck at math. And words tend to amaze and/or baffle me, as the meaning changes each and every time you rearrange them.

    I seek that perfect equation which is obviously unattainable.

    Not sure what I’m saying here. I guess I’m merely trying to say that I’m genuinely touched. And nearly inspired enough to continue to write, whether it’s here or elsewhere.

    I’m going to counter the cold downers with some light uppers and be back in a few. Perhaps I’ll start anew. Who knows.

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