Cats firm

I have been informed by the law firm Schmittle, Schmittle and Pook that I have been evicted from my home for neglect.


  1. That is adorable. I want a kittie at my house, not just my parents.


  2. Seriously, some boy called on behalf of the firm saying they were SCREAMING hungry and have asked that I leave.

    “There taking her kittens


    becuase they say, she was

    not a good mother.

    They’re taking her kittens away….

    because of the things

    she did with their cat bowls that miserable rotten bitch…

    couldn’t feed any of them today.”

    (I wonder if anyone will get that…)


  3. Ms. Mihow:
    This email is to inform you that I have been retained by Mr. SCBOB in the matter of Schmitty and Pookums vs. Mihow.

    I am looking into the facts of this matter. Please await my next correspondence as we proceed in the discovery phase of this extremely disturbing case of kitty-neglect.

    I believe it is in your best interest to be made aware of the rights of kitty-grandparents in the District of Columbia.

    With that in mind, my client and I are open to negotiations on an amicable settlement in the best interests of said kitties.

    To initiate this dialogue, we offer the following settlement proposal:

    Box said kitties into cardboard carriers.
    Present said kitties to claimants at Mr. Robert’s house on December 25, 2002 at noon.
    Sign release and hold harmless documents that Mr. SCBOB will have in his possession on that date.

    I am sure that returning the kitties to their rightful home in State College, PA is the best resolution of the claims alleged by Schmitty and Pookums.

    Sincerely yours,
    Jackie Chiles


  4. mihow:

    lou reed, berlin album, the song with the kids crying in the beginning. have you heard the story about how he got the kids to cry?


  5. did he take away their heroin?


  6. HA HA! Tobyjoe, you’re super.


  7. How come that boy that called you couldn’t feed the cats himself?

    I personally overslept today and when I woke up, my cat was writing a letter to her congressman.


  8. ha ha. congressman. heroin. ha.

    here’s the alleged story:
    lou reed borrowed some of his friends’ kids and took them into the recording studio. now, i don’t know if the parents knew what he was going to do or not, but he told the all the kids that their parents just got into a big accident and died. so they all started crying and screaming. he recorded it, took the kids out of the studio, and then gave them back to their parents.

    my friend lis told me that one. don’t know her source.


  9. Ms. Mihow: cc: PETA
    I inadvertently omitted a rather important element of the proposed settlement on behalf of my client, Mr. SCBOB.

    The settlement proposed in the earlier correspondence dated earlier today expires at Noon, today, Thursday, December 19, 2002.

    In the event you choose to ignore our request for a peaceful resolution of this serious matter of neglect, my client will have no other recourse other than formal litigation before a jury of other senior citizen kitty lovers.

    Sincerely yours,
    Jackie Chiles, Esq.


  10. you’ll pry these cats from michele’s dead, cold fingers. i’ll watch and be like “gross – he’s touching the corpse”


  11. Anyone seen Jackie around here? I heard he had some pussy for me to investigate.


  12. If I can just try to ignore mihow’s senseless cruelty and impending trial,
    I must say:
    RE:(I wonder if anyone will get that…)

    Pshhht! Have you seen my name lately? it is my cross to bear.
    AND every time I hear that song, I am reminded of one of mihow’s most charming exes (MB) who chastised me for saying the crying kids were creepy. I obviously didn’t understand the full emotional context of the song… or something
    hee hee


  13. That dude was such a weirdo. A weirdo who’s apparently writing books from Ireland about how much America sucks ass.


  14. Nico, he only chastised you because the crying kids reminded him of his upbringing, as he watched “Big” hump on his brother’s girlfriends, his girlfriend’s (not me) and his amazon mother’s girlfriends.

    That dude was such a weirdo. A weirdo who’s apparently writing books from Ireland about how much America sucks ass.


  15. STOP! STOP! I don’t make me think about all the giants humping!


  16. Oddly, the giants lived in some kind of small gingerbread-like house. So it indeed seem like something out of a fairy tale. Only the dark, Grimm kind where everyone gets eaten or ends up miserable.


  17. Yes, like Hans My Hedgehog where a hedgehog-man forces a princess to marry him, rips off her dress and prickles her to death.

    The house is cute though – except for the porn wall.


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