fast food vending hell

By no means, am I a healthy eater (all the time) but right now I plan on bashing some of the folks who eat out of vending machines. Ready? To the ladies who suck down the vending machine food…
Food wrapped in plastic probably isn’t good to eat every day. And if it’s a sandwich, and its life has consisted of being confined in a giant, metal machine waiting for
Rita Jane to come along and scarf that shit up, chances are it ain’t too good for you either. Now that canned crap they put in there, it’s vacuumed packed for “freshness” OH MY GOD. The miniature pizzas—they’re not frozen and they can’t be tasty. They’re sealed, but they’re not frozen. They’re next to Pringles and you can pretty much assume that the Pringles aren’t frozen. Put the pizza away and go eat the plastic folder in your top drawer.

I can’t imagine why people eat this crap? And then they complain when they’re sick later in life and
and unable to move and have heart attacks at the age of 40. Can’t you eat something else? Bring in some fuckin carrots for Pete’s sake. Bring in some bread. Shit, I dunno, make a salad. I just got harassed for heating up left-over Indian food in the kitchen.

How do people eat that stuff?!

She squawked. Said harasser was heating up one “frozen” pizza from the rotating, monster of a vending machine. WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! These damn bitches can go straight to clogged-artery hell for all I care. I’ll hand them a candy bar for the trip.
And then she said the another lady who was eating some vending cuisine

You can’t beat the price of this stuff, I tell ya!

She’ll make up it later in doctor’s bills.


  1. How dare someone insult what you’re eating in front of you! That is so rude!
    You have vending machines with “real” food in them? Those always freak me out. I don’t think I ever actually seen people eat that stuff. What is that stuff made of? How long does it sit in there brewing bacteria?


  2. It brews for days/weeks. I don’t get it. Actually, up until today, I hadn’t realized their “popularity.” So really, I guess if they all keep at it, it’ll be fresh constantly.

    But really, wouldn’t folks eat better if it weren’t an option? I think I could only do it if I were here, it’s the middle of the night and I can’t go because of a deadline. I dunno. Seems lazy and bad all around.

    It’s sick.

    They even have tuna. I can’t imagine that’s good. After adding all the preservatives, that’d be enough to kill me dead, that’s for sure. Anaphylactic shock, here I come.


  3. That post reminds me of that episode of NewsRadio where Phil Hartman’s character gets addicted to vending-machine sandwiches because they remind him of the ones his mom used to make.

    And once they make him stop eating them, he ages about twenty years in one day.


  4. ::moment of silence::

    So it’s HEALTHY?!

    ::runs off to buy some grilled cheese bagged sandwiches::


  5. I just went to get some more hot water for my tea and took a look and I think this will sum it up for you:

    White Castle.

    Yes, it’s true. There are two, White Castle burgers one may heat up.


  6. I hate the artificial glare from the lights in those machines. You might as well put me in a giant zip lock bag and stick me in the fridge.


  7. Well, he aged quickly because he was no longer consuming mass quantities of preservatives.

    And there is nothing wrong with a White Castle every now and again. But from a vending machine? Eeek.

    My mom and dad met at a White Castle in Detroit.


  8. White Castle frightens me. And how DARE they charge .45 for their crappy burgers. I remember the days when they were only .25.

    I am really 80 years old.


  9. That is so great. If they met today, I bet it’d be at a Church’s Chicken instead. There’s a billion of those around here.


  10. Not sure I agree with the White Castle comment. The place scares me to bits. I did, however, have it when I was younger. My parents (mostly my brothers) enjoyed it muchly and we would stop for sacks of burgers as we drove through Jersey.

    The fact that your parents met there is super cute. Good stuff, ms. freakgirl.


  11. i had a margarita for lunch.


  12. first of all: I have eaten a lot of crap in my day (gran pah) and I can safely say: White Castle REALLY makes you ill. It’s amazing, not later, not when you’re old, but two minutes later!

    Secondly< I know that is way too serious, but I think one reason why people eat “that crap” is b/c it’s an UGLY addiction that could be compared to smoking, drinking too much or drugs.

    You are right, it makes you
    and ugly and unhealthy, yet millions of people are drawn to fast food like fries, burgers, candy bars, chips and sodas every day. KNOWING that this is exactly the stuff you need to avoid at all costs. The trick is that it provides you with a second of gratification that always wins from the minutes, hours of regret., not to mention feeling downright sick.

    Ps. Indian food rules.


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