My family never said therapy is for the weak. As a matter of fact I really don’t have any idea how my parents felt about it while I was growing up. I think, at times, when I had a rough day at school or someone made fun of my traced-hand-turkey drawing, I may have run home begging for help or brain drugs to ease the pain. And I think my mother was probably thinking, “Honey, this is life. Everyone deals with this kind of pain.” And she was right. And then I went to college and read books filled with philosophy and adopted that whole, I am strength, drink my purity crap poured out by Hank Rollins during some spoken word I (for some reason) sat through and loved.

But after speaking with Toby last night, I think it’s finally time. I’m looking for a name of a person who wants to try and help me clean out my head—remove it, put it on the coffee table next to the broadening fruit and dead paper weights. I want them to disect it, clean it out (a bit), and put it back in again.

And it’s no complaint you hear tonight and it’s not some pilgrim who’s seen the light—it’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah


  1. i spent the majority of college in therapy. it can be really hard to find someone who really fits with you, so you should try to keep an open mind- you might have to switch around a lot before you find the right person. depending on what kind of insurance you have, you need to call your insurance’s mental health & substance abuse line/ department (some insurances have seperate companies that deal w/ this)- it is listed on the back of your insurance card. they will have you explain your main motivation for seeking therapy, and “match” you w/ providers in your area- they will usually give a list of 5-ish. this counts as a referral. it can be hard to talk about what is in your heart. but it also opens new dorrs for you.

    and i love that song.


  2. That song is wonderful, isn’t it?

    You are too kind. Thank you, Resa.


  3. glad to help. i hope you get a good match from the start. :)
    let me know if i can ever be helpful.


  4. I’m trying to get up the nerve to go do this myself. I never actually dealt with a lot of stuff from a few years ago, I just kind of moved past it. I know something needs sorting out with me, and it’s just a matter of getting up the nerve and finding a Dr. But I am SO scared to do this.


  5. megami- i think that therapy, like most difficult things, is ultimately worth it. but that is just my opinion. it took me a long long time to actually get myself to do it. but now, retrospectively, i am glad i did.


  6. um, me again. sorry.


  7. Well I heard there was a secret chord
    that David played and it pleased the Lord,

    but you don’t really care for music, do ya?

    There are three, maybe more different versions of that song, each one with just a few changes, a verse added or taken out.

    And they’re all haunting like that.


  8. Jim,

    Is that another Cohen song? I am not sure I know that version or song.


  9. It’s the same song, “Hallelujah.”

    That version is sung by Jeff Buckley, I’m not sure if the lyric changes are hiso r Cohen’s. It’s so good.

    Well it goes like this
    the fourth, the fifth
    the minor fall and the major lift

    The baffled King composing Hallelujah…

    There’s more. I once looked the song up on Google and found three versions of the lyrics.


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