I wonder if this is a round about way of seeking forgiveness for yesterday’s sandwich theft. Is this the person I should demand a replacement sandwich from or if she is merely watching her back?

Email: Whoever is the proud owner of the box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch (that was on top of the kitchen cabinets) please let me know. I “borrowed” the last serving to give to Maddie with her breakfast and would like to replace it. Thanks in advance. “name”

And (for the record) “Maddie” is the company dog. If my lunch was stolen and then fed to a dog, there will be hell to pay and a lot of undesirable dog shit about the place.

I moved my bike’s carcass upstairs last night. I guess I’d rather throw it out rather then have some stupid fucker steal the rest of it. I want to put some super fine bike out there and see if some mean person comes by to steal it, then I’ll peg him/her with rocks. If you know of any such stories, I would love to hear them. I want to know that not everyone can get away with being a total prick.