8.4 Million New Yorkers Suddenly Realize New York City A Horrible Place To Live

September 2nd, 2010

Y’all, it’s just me and the kid these days, so time has been limited, hence the lack of updates. I’ll be back shortly. (He starts school soon!) In the meantime, I just had to share this amazing article with you.

It’s hysterical on so many levels, I don’t even know where to begin. Enjoy!

8.4 Million New Yorkers Suddenly Realize New York City A Horrible Place To Live

NEW YORK—At 4:32 p.m. Tuesday, every single resident of New York City decided to evacuate the famed metropolis, having realizing it was nothing more than a massive, trash-ridden hellhole that slowly sucks the life out of every one of its inhabitants.

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Stop Shredding Your Youth!

August 25th, 2010

A couple of months ago, I was digging through some junk and stumbled upon several teenage diaries. Only they aren’t really diaries in the true sense of the word. I didn’t use them to write down my darkest, most inner thoughts. These are spiral bound notebooks I once shared with friends. Do they have a name? Do they still exist now? I don’t know. They are a cross between a slam book, a diary and the worst idea ever.

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Blah Blah Vampire Emergency Blah

August 23rd, 2010

Sometime last year, I was hanging out with my friend Gerry and I brought up the topic of vampires. I was being cynical (and bitchy) making fun of the strange, new teenage craze for all things vampire. I lumped together every vampire show, movie, and book out there. They were all the same to me, which is to say awful. Vampire shows and movies were for today’s lame teenagers.

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A Pregnancy Update: 15 Weeks and TMI.

August 19th, 2010

This pregnancy has been a lot different than the one I had with Emory. For starters, I’m wearing my fat a lot higher. Did this happen to anyone else? I’ve heard that second pregnancies tend to show faster, but this is silly. It’s as if all of my body fat got evicted and migrated north, settling directly under my boobs, like an aggregation of bloated hobos looking for shade.

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The Twit Network

August 18th, 2010

I cant get enough of this video. If you haven’t already seen it, you simply must. And it’s a lot funnier after you’ve seen the original. (And yes, The Social Network is a real movie.)

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Tuesdays With Murray (Chapter 139) Mom It Down! Roasted Myrtle

August 17th, 2010

Today we’re going to explore a very rare delicacy called Roasted Myrtle.

What you will need

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Divinity and Peanut Brittle

August 16th, 2010

We’ve been studying sugar for the past several weeks, which has been particularly awesome for me since I’m a lollipop maker. I’ve learned a great deal more about how to deal with molten sugar. I’m sure I’ll have more to report about that after this weekend, whenever we cover a few more key desserts. In the meantime, here are a few pictures.

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Under the Slide and Pooping.

August 12th, 2010

Warning to all those without children: it’s best to stop reading this right now. I used words like “potty”, “number two” and “diarrhea slide”.

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Hope.

August 9th, 2010

The following is a text message correspondence between Toby Joe and me. It took place over the course of several hours on May 18th, 2010. I reprinted it word-for-word, so please try and overlook any grammar and spelling errors.

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1 Easy Diet Rule: My Ass.

August 5th, 2010

Let me get this right, Internet ad: Hit the clinic. Have abortion. Lose 10lbs. Visit tanning bed?

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