Manson Wore Too Much Antiperspirant

When I was 15 I stopped shaving my armpits. I was dating a boy named Mike at the time. Mike had a fascination with Charles Manson. I would like to call it a “healthy fascination” like one might with normal teenage boys and their fondness for baseball players or men who visit the moon, but it’s not really all that healthy admiring a man whose only claim to fame is driving a bunch of hippies to kill for him.

Mike lent me books about Manson. He also owned a VHS tape featuring one of Manson’s parole hearings. I remember watching it and trying DESPERATELY to find a point to all his ranting. I really wanted Manson to turn out to be brilliant. I wanted to know that the boy I was with wasn’t a total psychopath and instead was onto something. But he wasn’t. And neither was Manson.

Mason may have had Mike’s head, but Manson’s girl, Ouisch, had Mike’s heart.

Let me introduce you to Ruth Ann Morehouse.

Ruth Ann Morehouse, AKA “Ouisch”, was my first boyfriend’s first love. Mike had pictures of her in his bedroom. They weren’t taped to his walls or anything, because, well, that would be too weird. But he had them lying about. At the time, I thought he liked her eyebrows. Looking back, I think he was enamored by her devotion. And while I was never driven to kill anyone for him, I did stop shaving my underarms because it was “natural”—like Ouisch. It’s amazing what a 3 X 2, black and white newspaper clipping and a boy can convince a teenage girl to do.

I used a stone back then instead of deodorant. Though, I have to admit, I barely sweated at that age. But I took that stone to my pits daily and never got wind of anything foul. Even with the hair and all—not a whiff.

Years went bye, and Mike did, too. He left me for a plethora of other girls who all had better eyebrows. Eventually, I shaved again. I retired the translucent stone for some antiperspirant. Not because I was particularly smelly. I wasn’t. But because everyone else wore it so I started to as well.

At some point over the course of my 31 year tenure, I discovered that antiperspirant made people go crazy. And so I gave that up, too. I began wearing Tom’s.

And that has worked just fine for me ever since. That is, up until very recently.

I’m not sure if it’s my new diet, my age, the devil, or just a whole bunch of 30-year-old bad luck, but lately my armpits have been unbearably stinky. I smell like 2,000 Grateful Dead fans and Ouisch (only without the killer eyebrows) all at once.

I’m too afraid to wear antiperspirant again because of the ALS. And I apply so much of Tom and Kiss My Face, my armpits are chafed from all the play. I can’t very well be quarantined for the rest of my life but I probably should be. They were so bad the one day, Toby Joe thought someone had a bag of raw onions on the L Train. I had made a face regarding something else entirely.

Yeah, I know. Someone has onions with them.

I looked at him in a matter of fact fashion as if I’d known he was going to say just that and said, “No, that would be me.”

Like two marbles, his eyes bounced out of their sockets. As I collected them for him, the other commuters began to cry from the smell. I gave Toby Joe his sight back but I can’t seem to do anything about the smell.

Seriously, I am going to end up killing someone. I’m that person you silently judge. The person with the most powerful sense of smell has been forced to deal with the foulest odor on Earth. There’s a Greek tragedy in here someone. I am the new Oedipus.

Send patchouli care of mihow. I’ve actually always liked the smell…

46 Comments

  1. I think ouisch looked like a teenage boy, which is perhaps more telling in your situation. mmhmmm

    for the pits try men’s deodorant, regular not natural. it is hard to find women’s or unisex that is not antiperspirant. it has whatever chemicals but no aluminum to rot your brain.

    I will not sent patchouli. the smell of patchouli and b.o. is the among the top ten horrible stenches.

    Reply

  2. Do. Not. Wear. Patchouli. God help me, I used to wear it. I cannot stand smelling it now…oy, the memories.

    I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but as an almost 36 year old woman I feel I have seniority: women’s bodies suck. After 30, strange things begin to happen. After 35? I don’t even want to go into it.
    I use men’s antiperspirant w/ deoderant. I like the way the aluminum makes my head spin. ;-)
    By the way—I used to be a hairy bitch too! A very scary feminist type of hairy bitch in COLLEGE…my legs were hairier than the guys I knew. Now THAT was scary.

    Reply

  3. No shit! Mens’ deodorant? Man, I love the Internet. I will buy some today. Any or all suggestions as to which brands would be superb.
    Ouisch does sort of look like a boy doesn’t she? Plus, she looks sort of like him. He was such an ass. And I am so glad to know that nico is around to back me up on this one. :]

    Reply

  4. I wear anti-persperant. That would explain a lot.

    I suggest you just start carrying around a bag of onions. I think the L train needs a resident onion lady. :-)

    Reply

  5. she totally looks like him. I thought the same thing.

    Try Old Spice deo. You’ll smell manly.
    and you get alot more for less $ than the women’s kind.

    Reply

  6. Holy shit, carrying a bag of onions on the L Train might actually be worth it. I would get more space. How very David Lynch I’d be.

    Reply

  7. For years I went through a deodorantless phase. I’m not sure if my body chemistry changed, or if I simply became more aware, but it became clear I needed something.

    Like you, I didn’t want to use antiperspirant.

    And I hated the residue from regular deodorants—I also felt like they just covered up the smell like a European with too much cologne.

    Then I discovered Thai Crystal Spray (possibly similar to your stone). It kills the bacteria that makes the smell with no icky residue and no chafing. It works really well!

    I know this is a weirdly enthusiastic testimonial, but I just discovered the stuff and I really like it. So your entry is particularly well timed.click me

    Reply

  8. Sorry—I apparently muffed the link.

    Try this:

    Body Spray

    That’s the kind I have at home—it lasts a long time and can be found in many natural food stores. Other brands seem to work just as well.

    Reply

  9. You guys make me feel normal again. Thank you.

    Reply

  10. The crystal/rock stuff is exactly what Michele wants to avoid.

    Reply

  11. Its not the deodarant that is bad/questionable for you, but the anti-perspirant component—specifically the aluminum.

    The crystal / stone / body spray above is a natural version of anti-perspirant – they say ‘mineral salts’, but if you read what kind of salts, you’ll notice that they’re aluminum based. Toby actually pointed that out to me a few years back.

    Most of the men’s Old Spice deodorants are aluminum free (including hits like ‘cool’ and ‘sport’)—but i don’t know how much longer that will last. Even fancy brands like kiehls are using aluminum salts in their deodorants.

    This is gonna sound insane – but If you smell too bad mid-day, try wiping your armpits down with one of those cotton pads that has been wetted with alcohol/hydrogen peroxide/ witch hazel – they all seem to work for killing the bacteria and freshening yourself for a new application of deodorant.

    Alternately, do what the french do—but a small thing of Marc Jacobs perfume and give yourself a spritz under each arm.

    Reply

  12. I experienced the same onion episode back in December. I was REEKING – it was really offensive. Washing down at work in the middle of the day didn’t help. There were a handful of days I had to run out and buy a fresh shirt. I suggest wearing only natural fibers. I know wearing cotton sounds too simple, but it truly helps. If my armpits are covered by a synthetic fabric all smelly hell breaks loose. Clearly it’s not a solution, but helps.

    PS. Your post on the London terror attacks was a catalyst for a weekend spent writing about 9/11 – something I haven’t done in a while and clearly really needed to do. My sis lost her husband who worked in the north tower. I’ll never fully reconcile what happened to all of us, to him, to my sis. Writing about it certainly helps. Thanks for the inspiration.

    Reply

  13. Wow… I thought it was just me. I have noticed a different odor eminating from myself since I have progressed through my 30s. Tom’s doesn’t work at all anymore. I currently use Old Spice deoderant (as suggested by someone earlier.) However, there is something natural that I swear really does work. I just haven’t gotten around to making the order. Check their stuff out at http://www.melaleuca.com. Its all tea tree oil based products.

    Reply

  14. I might be getting my brands confused, but the stuff I have at home specifically says “aluminum free.”

    Reply

  15. You guys are a bunch of stinky little goats. :D

    I have never heard of the aluminum/anti-persperant connection. But, it would explain a lot in my case. :0

    Reply

  16. More Spray

    The fourth one down, “Naturally Fresh Spray” has “no harmful aluminums” and is another brand I’ve used.

    It also doesn’t assert itself as an anti-perspirant—which I think is what the Aluminum does. I wouldn’t use it if it did—I hate anti-perspirants.

    Truly yours,
    -Deodorent freak.

    Reply

  17. Mojo, I am seriously going to buy them all. I will try every last one and report back. I have never spent so much time thinking about my armpits. My father just called to suggest that I try a gel for men. Apparently they make deodorant gels SANS the antiperspirant.

    Reply

  18. yeah yeah. that’s what I was trying to say, but not very clearly. just get the men’s brands labeled deodorant not antiperspirant.

    Reply

  19. You might want to try washing with povidone iodine.
    After my husband had a little cyst on his armpit removed, our family doctor said “no deoderant during the healing process!” and suggested washing with soap, splashing with iodine and rinsing well (in the shower, of course). He said he’d been doing it for years and it killed enough bacteria to eliminate the need for deoderant altogether. And it works! Husband doesn’t use deoderant at all now. I do it too, but I like the smell of Alba Botanical lavender deoderant, so I double up. Try iodine, it works!

    Reply

  20. Yowsa! Does that burn? This is a brilliant idea. To do away with it all together, that would be incredible. Question, does it stain them orange? Silly question, where does one get it?

    Reply

  21. so, let’s say i have this friend, and he’s been using, oh I don’t know, Secret Platinum Ultra Protection for a number of years…does that make him gay or aluminum crazy or whatever?

    Reply

  22. Gay? No. Crazy? Probably a little. But who am I to judge? Hell, at this point, I’d rather die totally bonkers rather than smelling like a filthy hippie. So maybe we’ll be in the same old folks home together, Kosta.

    Reply

  23. No, Ms. Mihow, it does not stain but you do have to rinse! Will not stain tub or shower, either. Where to find? Usually you have to get it at the pharmacy or in the first aid section of the grocery store. Kinda pricey, tho. And, no, it does not sting, even if you’ve just shaved. You might be thinking of merthiolate, which is also red. My mom used to put that on me when I had cuts as a kid and I hated it. It stank, too. Anyway, povidone iodine (brand name Betadine) does not sting, does not stain and can be pruchased at the pharmacy.

    Reply

  24. I will buy it tonight, my dear gal. Thanks.

    Reply

  25. This seemed like a weird topic but, you know, I never had to wear anti-perspirant until my 30’s and I have been slowly growing more senile during that period of time? Link to usage of the anti-perspirant or just conspiracy theory #8,345,297? You tell me.

    Reply

  26. How much do I love it that you got so many comments about underarm stink?

    I am totally trying the iodine, by the way. Thanks Mariah!

    Reply

  27. I went to Duanne Reade over lunch and purchased what they had to offer which is to say not much. I was only able to get Old Spice there. Every other deodorant side from Tom’s had aluminum in them. (Also, this was done before I read about the iodine.) The ingredients in Old Spice:
    Alcohol denat.
    propylene glycol
    water
    sodium stearate
    fragrance (this one is my favorite)
    triclosan
    tetrasodium edta (second favorite)
    yellow 10
    green 5
    I’m not sure what most of that is.

    Reply

  28. mihow, I have the same problem. Tom’s sucks for me. It makes me wonder about their toothpaste. I bought a crystal rock thang when in Germany and cannot say if it has aluminum in it or not, but damn it works. Also trying to cut back on the dairy and caffeine, but you seem very diet conscious. Theory: my diet= my stinkyness

    Reply

  29. I do drink a lot of caffeine. Oh, and booze. Must cut back on both. But I don’t eat much dairy at all. :/

    Reply

  30. Jesus. I just googled “triclosan” and got some scary results. Assuming you trust the information supplied on various webpages (which you can’t always do—so don’t freak) It’s classified as a pesticide by the EPA and “has researchers concerned about its role in fostering antibiotic-resistant strains of bacteria”

    My god! Deodorant! Who knew?

    Reply

  31. OH!

    The Body Shop used to have a mens and woman’s deodorant that was aluminum free!

    Reply

  32. Mojo! Holy shit! I bet somewhere in there they mention cancer, too. Motherhumper. I am screwed AND stinky.

    Reply

  33. Cancer is afraid of your armpits.

    And feet.

    Reply

  34. So you’re cancer. I see.

    Reply

  35. praises be to Mojo aka deordorant freak – the Thai Crystal deodorant spray is the most-est! glory be they name, Mojo – and Mihou for giving Mojo cause to profess the natural truths of natural deordorants

    Reply

  36. Or you could just get your pits Botox’d. Botox was recently approved for use in preventing sweaty palms & pits (I’m the world’s sweatiest human, remember, so I keep up on these things).
    CLICK HERE

    Reply

  37. Holy crap! that’s weird. There’s something slightly alarming about just totally stopping ones body from sweating, no? I sweat a lot now, too. And my face turns blood red after any excercise. it’s freakish, really.

    Reply

  38. For the past 5 or so years, EVERYONE in hollywood has gotten their pits botoxed the week before an awards ceremony. Thats why you never see pit-stains on screen.

    Reply

  39. Does anyone know what eventually became of Ruth Ann Moorehouse a.k.a. “OUISCH”? The last information that I heard was that she was still wanted on an outstanding warrant in connection with the famous LSD hamburger incident, but according to Ed Sanders book “The Family” she turned herself in on this warrant back in 1975 and at the time that she turned herself in she had bandages on her forehead from a plastic surgery to remove the “X” from her forehead. They said that she fled California in April of 1971 because she was nine months pregnant & wanted to avoid giving birth while in jail. She was aided by her sister, who lived in Carson City, Nevada. Later, she married a guy in Reno and went on to have three children. It has been said that she wants nothing more to do with this part of her past and does not broadcast to the public that she is the famous “OUISCH”. I have ofter wondered what happened to all of the people that were members of the Manson Family. Does anyone have any information on them and their children? Please post any information. Thanks.

    Reply

  40. By the way the crystal deodorants contain alum. This is a naturally occuring mineral. One of the elements is aluminum, but not the kind that has been linked to breast cancer, this aluminum is tied up in a crystal structure. the link tells more about alum and aluminum, I haven’t tried the product they are selling. I would look around for prices, if you are thinking about trying crystal deodorant. By the way aluminum is the most abundant element in the earth, there are thousands of compunds that contain aluminum, but only certian ones are bad.

    Reply

  41. Just bought a stone in France and have been using it for the last couple of weeks. It seems to work quite well and I am not suffering any unusual side effects.

    Reply

  42. Was wondering what has happened to “Ouisch”
    and if there are any new photos available?
    Does anyone have a e-mail address?

    Reply

  43. I just read on another site that she was killed in the 1990s in an auomobile accident, as recounted by some unnamed Nevada newspaper. I don’t believe much of what i read online, so who knows?and the person stating this says that he/she couln’t find any backup information about this on the web. So Sonow I’m wondering too. If ayones knows, pleawe do tell!

    Reply

  44. oops, sorry for the typos. it’s hard to type with one hand; you see, a couple of years ago I was shot in the head during a home invasion, and four brain surgeries later, I’m paralyzed in my left hand and arm.

    Reply

  45. seriously dumfounded January 23, 2011 at 9:21 am

    I slept over at her house as a kid. Her kids are normal people. I just found this out by a mutual friend as I don’t talk to her kid as much anymore. Shocking, but kind of makes sense in a strange way.

    Shes always seemed decent, albeit a bit of a wild child…i had no idea. 3 kids and midwest I can confirm. wont say anymore out of respect to the family.

    Reply

    1. This is really fascinating, it must have been a huge shock for you to find out who she was!?

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s