Mihow

Nicole, you sexy bitch.

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by

Mihow
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The other night Toby and I watched The Stepford Wives. While totally over the top, I could not stop watching this film. And it had nothing to do with the story, either. Instead, I couldn’t get over (still can’t) how unbelievably out of this world attractive Nicole Kidman is. (If you can get over the whole Tom Cruise-had-his-gay-penis-in-her-vagina thing.) There is no question as to why she was cast as the lead in this film about robotic wives. I don’t think this particular australian is human.

Last night, we rented Dogville. We haven’t watched it yet, but plan on it tonight. Let me just say that I don’t think Jennifer Jason Leigh will be invited to our intimate celebrity threesome after all. I think Nicole may have moved out in front. She’ll be coming from the land down under our sheets.

Comments

18 responses to “Nicole, you sexy bitch.”

  1. Abby Avatar
    Abby

    Is Tom Cruise really gay? Do we know this for sure?

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  2. Karo Avatar
    Karo

    Ok. First off, my huzzband subjected me to the horror that was The Stepford Wives over Thanksgiving. I was ready to walk out of Blockbuster movieless, but I guess the prospect of making small talk with his parents for those 90 minutes was just too awful for him to contemplate, so he just HAD to rent something. All I have to say is, I really, really, REALLY want those 90 minutes of my life back.

    Also! My father’s in this phase where he will only watch movies that were critically aclaimed by the Toronto newspaper and I had Dogville in my hand to rent when he was visiting but then suddenly got it in my head that that’s the movie in which Chloe Sevigny gives someone a blowjob and freaked out and dropped it like a hot potato, making excuses about not being in the mood for a depression-fest.

    So there you go.

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  3. Nicole Avatar
    Nicole

    Yes, gay as a potato.

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  4. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    Ahhhhh the infamous BJ scene. I was the only person in America who hadn’t heard about that when it was all the rage.

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  5. andrea Avatar
    andrea

    I thought she was pretty in The Others, but kinda creepy looking in Birth. The pixie cut doesnt work on everyone, clearly.

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  6. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    Birth? I have not seen it. Any good?

    And are potatos gay? I had no idea. I love potatos. Does that make me gay, too?

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  7. Karo Avatar
    Karo

    “Gay as a potato” is funny. I will be working it into my conversations, stat.

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  8. Lana Avatar
    Lana

    Yup. Gay as pumpkins.

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  9. dubstylenine Avatar
    dubstylenine

    “gay as christmas” has always ben a favorite of mine

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  10. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    I have always liked “gay as Tom Cruise.”

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  11. claudia Avatar
    claudia

    i was mesmerized by her in Cold Mountain. she is absolutely stunning. the only other actress i feel that way about is penelope cruz. for being gay, tom cruise sure knows how to pick ‘em. wait, im not attracted to women, and he’s not either… do straight men like these women??

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  12. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    I don’t think Toby would kick her off our inflatable air mattress.

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  13. tobyjoe Avatar
    tobyjoe

    The Sevigny bj scene is not in Dogville. It’s in Brown Bunny.

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  14. Karo Avatar
    Karo

    I dunno, he might have to. Have you seen her collarbones? They’d puncture that bad boy, fer sure.

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  15. Karo Avatar
    Karo

    It is indeed not in Dogville, Toby Joe. However, that misapprehension on my part as I panicked in the middle of Blockbuster with my father standing next to me makes my story all the more funny? tragic? pathetic? You pick.

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  16. DonaldEugene Avatar
    DonaldEugene

    Dogville is interesting and I hope you post your thoughts on it here. definitely not one to take home for the folks on a holiday though.

    PS: Tom Cruise better be gay or I will have wasted hours of my time writing “Mr Donald Eugene Cruise” over and over.

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  17. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    Donald Eugene, you are my gay husband. I love you – you’re funny.
    P.S. I know the blowjob scene was not in Dogville. Duh. Now, I know it all. Thanks to Missy.

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  18. gina Avatar
    gina

    Dogville- good and disturbing. I might have lost hope for all humanity if it weren’t for the closing credits; then i reconsidered and just lost hope for the midwest. But we stay here and fight the good fight everyday. Carry on.
    I would definitely suggest having booze on hand…

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