Mihow » debate

The Daily Beast: Deadly Kids Meals

mihow — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 19:06:49 +0000

Y’all have got to check this out. The sodium content alone is astounding if you can get beyond the calories and the fat.

And we wonder why Americans are getting fatter? This is insane!

No Strollers Allowed!

mihow — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 14:17:43 +0000

I wrote the post below instead of doing what I should have done which was to call the establishment directly and ask them about the sign. Instead, I did what I can’t stand and got passive-aggressive about it on the Internet. (I am currently punching myself in the face for this, btw.)

I’ve decided to leave it as-is. But wanted everyone to know that I was the one in the wrong here. And I apologize for how I handled the situation. Furthermore, I would like to thank Amy 2 for actually doing what I should have done in the first place.

Yay, sweet stranger!

______________

I usually stay away from topics like this one because I’m too much of a pussy anymore to deal with online backlash, but I can’t help it this time.

My lollipop adventure has me frequenting a baking supply store in Manhattan. This store has everything I need and at relatively decent prices. Plus, they sell in bulk. They’re also fairly convenient for me to get to—a mere 8 blocks from the 6th Avenue stop on the L.

A few weeks ago, Toby Joe, Emory and I headed into the city together. It was a Saturday morning. When we arrived, I saw the following sign:

I was annoyed, but fine—whatever. Toby Joe was there, so they waited outside while I rushed around for what I needed.

Fast forward to this week. I had rush order that had to get out. I wanted to get there quickly and immediately. I was preparing to take Emory into the city on the subway with me (I only have the nanny for a few hours each week) and remembered the sign. Since parking in that area during the week is impossible, I had three choices: I could leave the stroller behind and make him walk the 8 blocks from the subway which, as many of you know who’ve spent time with a 2-year-old, would take us forever; I could bring leave the stroller outside and hope that it doesn’t get stolen; or I could just not go and wait until I had someone to watch him.

I opted to wait. The order would have to wait. This is a “First World” problem. I know that.

But this is what I kept thinking: Why? Why are strollers banned from the store. Would a wheelchair be banned from the store? How about a walker? Why just strollers. And so I started to get upset about it—probably a little too upset because, considering in the grand scheme of things, this isn’t that big of a deal.

Someone suggested I ask the store owner if I could fold the stroller up and leave it just inside the store somewhere. And I could try that. I’m not sure they’d agree but I could try.

A few people suggested I leave the stroller outside and use a bike lock. Which, yes, is a great idea, but that adds one more relatively heavy item that I must carry around with me. Navigating the subway with a stroller and a toddler is hard enough, adding a paperclip into the mix can sometimes tip the scales.

See, that’s the thing: it’s when you start to add it all up—all the hoops you have to jump through when you have kids, that seemingly irrelevant situations like this one turn into the straw that breaks the sherpa’s back.

I understand why bars want to ban strollers. I’ve written about this before. There was a bar here in Brooklyn that put up a sign and were met with quite a backlash from those in the community with children. Granted, on the flip side of that fight (and boy was it heated for a while), there were a great number of people singing the bar’s praises because a lot of people believe that babies or toddlers should not be in bars. And I get that. I may not agree all the time, but I get it. But baking supply stores? There really aren’t many of them.

Here’s the bigger deal, however. I don’t believe this is about strollers. I believe this is about children. And if my cynical assumption is true, that’s discrimination discriminatory in nature.

I know myself. I won’t say a word to this establishment and hopefully once I figure out what I need every month, I’ll start ordering everything online. But I’m still annoyed. I’m annoyed that additional and unnecessary hurdles like this one are out there waiting us when I think we have enough to deal with.

Tuesdays With Murray: Chapter 118 (Oreo’s Law.)

mihow — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 15:24:55 +0000

I had a pretty great video to post today, but I really need to use today’s Murray post to talk about something else. I do hope you’ll forgive me, my fellow animal lovers.

You may already know this, but Murray was a feral kitten. Which means he had two options: he could have ended up the way that he is, which is to say loving and awesome; or he could have ended up becoming a feral cat, which is to say distrusting of humans and unfriendly. Thankfully, some kind and patient humans gave Murray a second chance.

Please note: THIS IS NOT ABOUT MONEY. :]

The Story

In June of this year, Oreo, a one-year-old pit bull was thrown off a six-story Brooklyn apartment building. Oreo suffered broken ribs and several broken bones, but miraculously survived the fall. She was rescued by the ASPCA and nursed back to health. Happy ending, right? Nope.

A few weeks ago the ASPCA deemed her too violent and beyond emotional repair. They ended her life. The dog that healed physically and still had a great deal of trouble trusting humans, was not given the chance to heal emotionally. This pains me beyond words. The thing that gets me the most about this story is that several smaller organizations begged the ASPCA for a chance at rehabilitating Oreo. Pets Alive, a reputable organization from New York state, offered to take Oreo and give her a second chance at life. The ASPCA refused and instead chose to end her life.

The Proposition

Assembly Member Micah Z. Kellner and Senator Thomas K. Duane have come up with “Oreo’s Law“. This law would give animals the second chance they deserve.

From Mr. Kellner’s Web site:

The bill, modeled on an existing law in California, is named Oreo’s Law in memory of the pit bull mix who became well-known after she survived abuse at the hands of her former owner, including a fall from a six-story building, but was eventually euthanized after the ASPCA determined that she was untreatably aggressive. Pets Alive Animal Sanctuary, a no-kill animal shelter located in the foothills of the Catskill Mountains, specializing in the rehabilitation and care of abused animals, offered to take Oreo, but the ASPCA refused the request.

As a dog owner and a foster parent for an animal rescue group, I was heartbroken to learn that Oreo was euthanized. When humane organizations volunteer their expertise in difficult cases, shelters should work with them to the fullest extent possible. This legislation will give tragically abused animals like Oreo another chance at life.

The Call To Action

That’s where we come in, my friends.

Please contact Assembly Member Micah Z. Kellner and State Senator Thomas K. Duane and thank them for giving a voice to those without one. You can leave a comment. Or you can contact Micah Kellner one of the ways listed below:

315 East 65 Street
New York, NY 10065
Tel 212-860-4906
Fax 917-432-2983
Email KellnerM@assembly.state.ny.us

If you’re a New York State resident, please take a few minutes out of your day and write to your Assembly Member and/or State Senator and ask them to support Oreo’s Law. If you know any New Yorkers, please let them know about this law and have them speak up about it. Even if you are one of those folks wary of pit bulls, this is about every animal out there—every last one.

This law will make it so other organizations are given the chance to give abused animals a second one.

If you have a blog, please write about the law and help get the word out. The biggest concern right now is getting some voice behind this. They need to know that we care. This law needs to come to life, in the absence of Oreo’s. If you need some more information or a link, Empty Cages Collective wrote a great post.

Other Ideas?

If you can think of other ideas, please post them. If you think of anything I missed, please let me know. I am new to this. And believe me, I know how hard it is to find time to reach out to people, so if there is anything I can do to make it easier, let me know. We need to get the word out there about this law.

Because really, who doesn’t deserve a second chance?

———————-

P.S. The video scheduled for today, will be published next week. I promise.

NaBloPoMo: Maclaren Stroller Recall

mihow — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 13:33:05 +0000

Yesterday dozens of people sent me emails about the Maclaren stroller recall. I appreciate the thought, and I do hope that people continue to send me stories like this in the future because I do want to know. But here’s the skinny on this one: I’m just not getting it.

I have the Maclaren Techno XT. I’ve used this stroller every single last day the last 2 years. It’s been perfect for us. It’s lightweight and easy to use in the city. And it’s really durable. I haven’t once had to have anything replaced, not even a wheel. I’ve put this stroller though a great deal of work. No complaints here.

So, yesterday I’m combing through the articles that were sent to me, searching for the urgency. Some of the pages loaded, some did not due to too much traffic, but I eventually pieced together what I think this is about. My understanding is that it has something to do with a hinge. I read that 12 toddlers lost their fingers while mom or dad (or caregiver) was opening the stroller. And I looked; I looked long and hard at my stroller and I still have no clue what I’m supposed to be freaking out about.

So here’s my question: Is this a legitimate concern or is this another overhyped, hysterical reaction to 12 (albeit horrible) careless mistakes? Because in that case? I have seen a dozen kids get hit by swings on the playground. Better remove the swings too. And while you’re at it, recall all doors. Those pesky bastards are always catching a finger or two.

On Mississippi and the Murder of a Pregnant Woman

mihow — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 15:55:37 +0000

I read this article on CNN this morning and I’m left pondering something about Mississippi’s law regarding murdering a pregnant woman and being charged for two murders.

If the murder victim was not yet visibly pregnant and the killer had no idea the woman was pregnant, does that still count as taking two lives in terms of murder?

CNN visitors: Please read the comments before jumping to conclusions about how I personally feel regarding this case and issue. Also, please make sure you understand what it is I’m asking.

Health Insurance And The Independent Worker

mihow — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 15:20:45 +0000

Forgive me ahead of time for not posting a Mom It Down today. I have had the flu for almost three days; eating has been difficult, baking and cooking even more so. I promise to do something awesome next week, assuming I’m not dead.

Speaking of good health (or lack thereof), my question today is one that Toby and I have been asking one another for years: How do people who work for themselves cover health insurance? How can someone running a small business afford the premiums today? How do you do it? What does a monthly breakdown look like to you? Do you have deductibles? Is it just you or do you have kids?

If you have minute and you happen to be an independent contractor or you run your own business, please take a minute and discuss your health insurance. I find it troubling that in a nation founded by independent, hard-working people individualistic entrepreneurs are becoming a dying breed largely due to the cost of healthcare.

So, how do you do it?

Using Social Media to Freak Out Brands

mihow — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 16:14:13 +0000

Jonathan sent me an interesting article from Adage about how a few vocal people can give an impression that something is a much bigger deal that it really is. (Remember the Motrin scandal?)

From the article:

“The data is a really compelling reminder that a lot of our target consumers are not the people who are sitting on Twitter freaking out over a packaging design that they don’t like,” said Diane Hessan

So, I find I’m asking a number of questions. For starters, why is this happening? What compels a group of people (in the case of the Motrin ad—Mommy Bloggers) to get so worked about something relatively meaningless?

The internet has made it easier than ever for consumers to get their opinions heard — and for marketers to listen. But it also creates real challenges: Do marketers know who they’re listening to? And at what point does the echo chamber of social media drown out the real opinions of the people who buy your brand?

Lastly, why are brands so completely afraid of these (relatively few) vocal people, so much so, that they’re willing to yank ads for them?

(Thanks to reader Jonathan for the link!)

Breathe Locally

mihow — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 12:00:37 +0000

This post was going to be about organic food and locavores both of which are growing trends here in America. Just last week, Michelle Obama planted an organic vegetable garden on the White House lawn – the first garden at the White House since the FDR administration.

It seems that people are starting to care more about what they eat, where it comes from and who is potentially harmed (or helped) in the process. I like that. I like that more people are curious about and buying locally grown foods. I like the idea of waiting until something is in season before adding it to a shopping cart. I especially like the idea of cutting down on the pollution involved in shipping and producing many of the foods we buy and consume today.

Union Square Green Market

At home, my family tries to buy food grown, produced, caught, and slaughtered locally. I know what some of you might be thinking – how the hell does one do that while living in New York City? I thought that at first, as well. After all – I’m from Pennsylvania. Growing up, our milk was delivered by a local farmer before the sun came up. Our eggs could have rolled themselves over to our house. We got nearly everything locally. (The exception was Tang, which was made on the moon, by astronauts, and mostly of rocket fuel).

In my mind, the term “local” used to mean “in my neighborhood”. That’s not an option for the majority of New Yorkers, as so much of our food travels thousands of miles before it hits our bodegas and grocery stores, our restaurants and street meat stands. Our food is trucked in, shipped in by boat, train or plane and tends to leave behind it a long, dark carbon footprint.

For New Yorkers, “local” is a relative term and has come to mean “within a hundred-mile radius.” Since we have more farmer’s markets than you can shake a stick at, getting to some of those local foods is really easy.

I was excited to cover this topic as my first March Of Dimes Moms post, especially since they wrote an article recently on whether or not organic is better for your baby. Their conclusion seems to be that it’s not necessarily better. But how about trying to buy foods grown locally? I couldn’t wait to tackle this topic! But Monday came along and it had different plans. I was steered onto a much different road. You see, my son was diagnosed with asthma on Monday and that’s all I can think about right now.

Here’s how the last few days unfolded.

My son kept us up all night Sunday. He woke up every hour. His belly was tight. We thought he might have gas and constipation on top of the usual congestive rattle we’d come to know. On Monday morning, I began to realize that things were much worse than I had thought. At 3 PM he was hit with a high fever. I called the doctor. By 4 PM we were in the waiting room.

And by 5 PM we were armed with a ProNeb Ultra II, some albuterol, a more powerful round of antibiotics than he’s yet been given, and a new worry.

At that point, my husband and I did what parents do with an Internet connection: we started researching. I was looking for ways to blame myself. That’s what mothers do, right? And at first glance, my research told me that I was right. I was to blame for this—we were to blame for this. After all we live in a very polluted area. The rates of asthma in children living in North Brooklyn are on the rise.

“Ever look at dirty truck exhaust? The dirty, smoky part of that stream of exhaust is made of particle pollution. More new evidence shows that the particle pollution—like that coming from the exhaust smoke—can lead to shorter lives, heart disease, lung cancer and asthma attacks and can interfere with the growth and work of the lungs.” (American Lung Association: State Of The Air)

Fact: Emory spent the first year and a half of his life living right next to the BQE (The Brooklyn/Queens Expressway). We were so close to it, the trucks used to shake our apartment. We knew all along we were inhaling harmful toxins, but we chose to stay there. We were in a lease and rent was affordable and we thought we were leaving the area at any moment.

Actual view from the back window of our apartment.

We used to clean an alarming amount of dark black soot from our windowsills. And it didn’t take long to build up. A few days would go by and a black film would lazily blanket every surface in our home. We used to joke about how our lungs must look. We were nervous.

Signs of Asthma include:

• wheezing
• rapid breathing
• labored breathing
• gasping
• difficulty breathing when exercising
• chest tightness

Generally speaking, a child must first be vulnerable to airway inflammation. Everyone is vulnerable, to some degree – and often to any number of irritants. Next, the child needs an antagonist or trigger. Triggers can range from a common cold, a sinus infection, or bronchitis, all the way to secondhand smoke, smoking, cleaning agents and air pollutants. Triggers can also be as simple as getting too much exercise or experiencing too much stress, or the absurdly cold air of a NYC March day.

When I started digging in a bit further, I realized that this isn’t specific to Brooklyn. Emory probably would been diagnosed with asthma no matter where we lived especially since almost every place we’ve ever discussed living is also on the highly polluted area list. And that’s not because our list is really short. It’s that the master list is really long. Even the small, idyllic town we’ve been pining over for years has some of the worst statistics when it comes to the two types of air pollution at the root of the problem.

Dare to dream.

In Brooklyn, the biggest asthmatic culprit is exhaust from vehicles. This is why you’ll also find Los Angeles, Chicago, Atlanta, The DC Metro, and a great deal of the Northeastern corridor on that list. Pretty much every city or town near a major trucking route is seeing a rise in asthma, cancer and other related illnesses. And most large, polluting vehicles (as we used to watch from our bed) are used to transfer goods – like food – into our cities.

The New England Journal of Medicine reports:

“Mortality rates were most strongly associated with cigarette smoking. After adjusting for smoking and other risk factors, we observed statistically significant and robust associations between air pollution and mortality. The adjusted mortality-rate ratio for the most polluted of the cities as compared with the least polluted was 1.26 (95 percent confidence interval, 1.08 to 1.47). Air pollution was positively associated with death from lung cancer and cardiopulmonary disease but not with death from other causes considered together. Mortality was most strongly associated with air pollution with fine particulates, including sulfates.”

The simple truth is that asthma rates are on the rise, as is infant mortality and in many cases we have air pollution to blame for that. And we need to do something about it. And I don’t mean we need to come up with more medicine to throw at the problem. (Though, I am really grateful for our new nebulizer.) I think we need a more preventative approach.

So, while buying organic and/or locally grown foods may cost you a bit more monetarily, I think that cost might be worth it when it comes to the greater good. Change won’t happen overnight, but it can happen if we just put our minds to it.

A funny thing happened as I was writing this post, I ended up within a hundred mile radius to the original topic.

Breast-Feeding: It’s OK If You Can’t Do It.

mihow — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 15:37:04 +0000

Friend and commenter, Missy, linked to an article yesterday that stirred up a number of emotions for me.

And in any case, if a breast-feeding mother is miserable, or stressed out, or alienated by nursing, as many women are, if her marriage is under stress and breast-feeding is making things worse, surely that can have a greater effect on a kid’s future success than a few IQ points.

I didn’t have the best time when it came to breast-feeding. Obstacles began piling up for me the moment Emory was born. For starters, my milk never came in. I didn’t experience the engorgement all the nurses and LCs suggested I would. In fact, my breasts got slightly smaller after he was born.

My postpartum experience was not the best. I was depressed. Words can’t do justice in trying to describe that depression. Chemistry took over. Every time it occurred to me that the birth of my first child was supposed to be the happiest time of my life, I felt even worse because I was experiencing quite the opposite. How could I be a good mom when I felt so unhappy? What was wrong with me? The questions mounted unanswered, and while my head felt like it was going to explode, my boobs did not.

There is an alarming amount of pressure put on new mothers when it comes to breast-feeding. It’s so prevalent, that there are actually Web sites where women congregate in order to slam celebrities who did not breast-fed and praise those who have. There are wars waged against and on Facebook. And some of the pro-breast feeding literature out there borders on militant. A late night google search hoping to discover a little leniency can make one feel like even more of a failure.

In certain overachieving circles, breast-feeding is no longer a choice—it’s a no-exceptions requirement, the ultimate badge of responsible parenting. Yet the actual health benefits of breast-feeding are surprisingly thin, far thinner than most popular literature indicates. Is breast-feeding right for every family? Or is it this generation’s vacuum cleaner—an instrument of misery that mostly just keeps women down?

It goes without saying that many women today feel very passionate about breast-feeding. I have seen fights break out over whether or not it’s OK to do in public. Nursing mothers here in New York have been known to make a statement by taking over an entire subway car. I have seen fights break out about whether or not it’s OK to lend your boob out to feed another person’s baby. I’ve seen people go as far to attack a person’s character because they chose not to breast-feed.

Some women experience intense anger when another woman doesn’t breast-feed. And I would find this hilarious if their reactions weren’t so damaging.

Haven’t we heard enough already? Can’t we be proud of our choices without making others feel worse for making another? And why brag? Boasting is ugly.

Furthermore, if feminism is about making choices, and a woman chooses (for whatever the reason may be) not to breast-feed, she should not receive so much as a nasty look from any fellow Sistren boasting the word feminism. And yet, that often happens. Which begs another question: is it the men we need to talk to about equality?

I welcome discussion and debate when it comes to breast-feeding, but this post probably isn’t for those likely to have breast-feeding listed as their religion. This is for anyone who went through (or is going through) what I went through two years ago. This is for all the new mothers out there overwhelmed by their new roles. This is for the new mother wondering why she can’t accomplish something as seemingly natural as breast-feeding.

Here’s how the first few days I spent with my new son went:

The morning he’s born: I try unsuccessfully to get a latch. I summon the help from two nurses and one lactation consultant. He vomits every time I try. I think it’s me, something I’m doing. Am I gagging him?

“Is the vomit green?” They ask. ”No. It’s not green.” “He’s fine then. Keep trying.”

Day one: A lactation consultant comes in to see me. I’m crying. I tell her I can’t get him to eat. I tell her he keeps vomiting. We try again and fail. She asks me how much milk he’s gotten. I tell her none. She inspects my nipples. Says I may have problems but we’ll succeed! We try formula. He vomits that up immediately. I continue to cry.

Later that day: Emory and I try again. I am told I am not vigilant enough, that I’m not trying hard enough. I am told that I need to be more forceful. I need to force my breast into his mouth. He throws up all over me, the color is green. I call a doctor.

Five minutes later: Emory is taken away from me and admitted into the NICU for reasons unrelated to breast-feeding (or lack thereof). I begin pumping around the clock in hopes of getting something, anything to come out of my breasts. This does not happen.

Three days PP: Emory and I are sent home seeing zero success at breast-feeding.

I should have just given up. Had I felt better back then, I probably would have. After all, Emory was doing well on formula. But I thought that I had to breast-feed. We just never did get the latch worked out so I exclusively pumped for 5 months. I supplemented with formula the entire time because my milk and the engorged breasts everyone warned me about, well, that never took place. At five months, I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and put on a drug that wasn’t safe for babies. I stopped pumping (or HUTH, for those of us EPers).

During that time, I received countless email letting me know how difficult it was for women when it came to breast-feeding, which helped a great deal. But in the wee hours of the night, when I felt my most insecure, I turned to the Internet, in search of anyone to tell me everything was going to be OK if I gave up pumping and just formula fed my son. (You’d be surprised how little there is out there for people in my situation. On nights when I looked for reassurance, I found I felt worse.) It took me a long time to realize that the only person I needed approval from was the person doing all the searching.

Truth be told, Internet, I still have a lot of pent up anger when it comes to how I was treated by some breast-feeding mamas out there. Usually, I try and focus on all the positive stuff, because I mean it when I say that when I was going through that rough patch, many of your emails got me through it. But that doesn’t mean the judgmental stuff doesn’t stick with me as well.

The biggest problem as I see it, is that so many women are afraid to state outright: Hey, I didn’t breast-feed! In fact, I have met some mothers that whisper such things under their breath at the playground—like it’s some kind of fatal flaw, and I suppose that for some it is. I’ve also seen a few mothers breath a sigh of relief upon discovering that another mother in the room didn’t breast-feed her baby.

What is everyone so afraid of? Judgement? Receiving a failing grade in motherhood? Getting demoted or fired by your boss? There are no grades or graduation ceremonies to speak of. And your boss really just wants to eat, poop, sleep and giggle. So what are we all so afraid of?

Sometimes, all someone wants to hear (or read) is that they’re not alone.

And so. Consider this a small drop of water in a bucket full of oil: It’s OK, new mama, if you are unable to breast-feed your baby. Formula is a wonderful option. You are not a failure. You’re a new mom! Rejoice in that. You are not alone.

If you’re interested in reading the article, please click here. It sheds light on all the medical claims having to do with formula vs. breastmilk. It’s very enlightening. And it’s written by a breast-feeding mother of three.

City Moms

mihow — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 16:31:26 +0000

The previous post has me thinking a bit more about whether my feelings regarding being a SAHM are specific to New York City. I can’t answer that question because this is the only place I’ve lived as a mother. But I do think that those of you who suggested as much might be onto something.

Let me set the record straight: I love being a stay-at-home. I know that I’m lucky. If I have ever given anyone the impression that I’m ungrateful, I’m sorry about that. (Keep in mind, however, we sacrificed a mortgage and a home of our own to be able to do this.) My only frustration is that I wish that more moms were able to stay home. That’s the cultural aspect of this problem I wish we could change. I think America’s families are far too strapped.

I still stand behind my statements regarding feminism, culture and motherhood. I do believe that we must work hard to make sure that mothers who choose to (were able to) stay home with their children are given more options regarding community. I do think that there is some anger directed at women who gave up office jobs in order to stay home with their kids.

I also don’t think there is equality between men and women in the workforce. Until that happens, I think women are going to feel less likely to want to stay home with their children (even if they can) because (other than the obvious reason of spending time with their kids) there is no real incentive to do so—no payback.

There’s no easy fix to this. There’s no one way to look at it. And I think it’s safe to say that every single one of us will have a different opinion on the matter.

I recently had lunch with a friend whose sister has spent her entire life in a wheelchair. Her name is Sunny Taylor. Sunny once lived in New York City. Getting around for her—like, living a normal life—was very difficult. She is very outspoken when it comes to just how difficult it was and can be.

For example, the curb cuts in New York City are terrible. And just entering businesses posed a huge problem for Sunny. (There have been numerous times where Sunny was unable to join friends at a restaurant or pub due to the lack of handicap accessible doorways. In fact, the first time I met Sunny, I had to step outside into the cold in order to speak with her.) Forget about using the subway system here, out of the few elevators we are offered, many are either out of order or stink of human excrement. And don’t get me started about Access-A-Ride drivers. They are notorious for being some of the angriest, most reckless drivers on our streets.

Eventually, Sunny moved to the Bay Area, where the standards are much higher when it comes to handicap accessibility, more so than any other major U.S. city.

The most interesting part of our conversation, however, took place when my friend compared my life as a mother (toting a stroller around) to that of her sister’s. Her statement floored me.

I’m not, for a second, equating motherhood to being confined to a wheelchair. That’s reckless, shallow and a little crazy. But I am suggesting (as was my friend) that we often face the same lack of consideration in city planning and infrastructure.

Before I became a mother, I never gave curbs much thought. Before I became a mother, I never thought about the height of steps, how heavy a door might be for me to open, or whether or not a certain sewer was prone to clogging. Now? I anticipate these things before I even leave the house. And before, if I was met with an obstacle in my imaginary walk, I would stay in to avoid it. But that felt like giving up. It’s also quite alienating, so I got over that hurdle and now I just deal with it.

I think New York City is a bit of an ageist. She’s accepting of many cultures and religious beliefs, but she doesn’t really like the elderly, the handicap or the very young. These three groups of people have several things in common: they either aren’t (or can’t be) in a hurry; it takes them longer to get places; and they often rely on help from the people around them, ie. a community.

New York doesn’t like that, culturally speaking.

Moms fall into this group as well. You see, when it comes to a person in a wheelchair, people tend to apply pity onto that person even if they don’t want pity. (Although, I have seen my fair share of soulless bastards get annoyed even at a handicapped person for taking too long to get on a bus.) But for a mother? For someone with a child in a stroller? To have compassion for a breeder? A person given a choice? Nuisance! Get out of my way!

Reactions fueled with by this belief used to bother me a whole hell of a lot more. I’m getting used to them now. I’m not sure if that transformation has to do with the sheer exhaustion that comes with being a city mom just trying to buy some damned juice already, or because I actually stopped caring what other people think.

The point is: I care a lot less now. I think.

I guess when it comes down to it, that mentality, that level of impatience for a person, is what I wish I could change. Wherever it comes from, whatever started it, I wish I had the power to change it. I wish that when a mother prepares to leave her apartment she doesn’t do so carrying all the excess mental baggage she’s collected along the way.

Because, seriously? We have enough to carry.

Japanese Design A Virtual Rape Game

mihow — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 19:56:00 +0000

This one goes out to all the mommy bloggers out there looking for something to get riled up about. Let me to introduce you to the Japanese video game called Rapeplay where the main goal is to gang rape virtual women and then force them to have abortions. As a mother, no, as a human being I find this deplorable. While I’m not usually one for censorship, when the freedom of speech is used to excuse someone from moral bankruptcy then all bets are off.

Someone hand me the Motrin.

File This Under: Inappropriate Children’s Book Illustrations

mihow — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 21:45:00 +0000

Back in 2005 when the pope was dying, I wanted to capture the historical event on film. It was a rainy, chilly day, so I decided to rest on a pew inside Saint Patricks Cathedral for a bit. While there, I saw this peeking out from the top of a hymnal book.

Now, I saw a penis right away. But others felt I was grasping. Perhaps I was. I mean, what (relatively) straight gal doesn’t want to grasp at a penis every now and again? But I think it’s a no-brainer to suggest that the Catholic church make absolutely certain that all printed materials are free from the mere hint of a penis. Don’t they have a Penis Free committee for matters like this? If not, they should. I will head it up. (hehe)

But even so, I am now willing to retract my original belief that there was indeed a penis printed on that religious literature.

But this time? Well, if you suggest that it’s just me this time, then I suggest that you’re crazy.

What you see above is indeed an illustration taken directly from a children’s book my friend reads to her daughter. And we laughed long and hard (hehe) about it.

I am not sure what scenario would bother me more: that a man drew this for a children’s book and didn’t realize it was a penis; that a man drew this for a children’s book and realized it was a penis; or that a man drew this for a children’s book, did or did not realize it was a penis, and his editors let it slide (hehe).

Vaccination Schedule and Some Personal Thoughts

mihow — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 20:10:00 +0000

I have received several emails requesting information about vaccinations and how we spaced them out for Emory. Today I’m (finally) putting together a post about it. I’m also going to talk about what I’d change should we ever go about this again.

Let me just begin by stating that I’m pro-vaccination, but I haven’t always felt that way. In fact, right after Em was born, I considered refusing vaccinations all together. I, like many first-time mothers, was concerned about causing undo bodily harm to this perfect little person. I was also worried about injecting him with all sorts of potentially nasty viruses. I’m one of “those” mothers—the type of mother who only feeds her son organic fruits, vegetables and milk. And I worried myself silly over BPA.

I work hard to keep my son toxin-free. And while being vaccinated always made sense to me in the past, it became an entirely different story when it came to my child.

So, what did I do? I researched the bloody hell out of it. I turned myself into a pediatrician’s worst nightmare. (Not because they like ignorant parents, but because uppity parents with an internet connection can prove to be VERY annoying. I won’t deny this.)

By researching vaccinations I began to feel a whole lot better about them. As an A+ worrier, I recommend that you do the same. Don’t take my word for anything. Read up on stuff, ask questions, and most importantly look back at your own vaccination records (ask your folks, siblings, whatever) and find out if you or any member of your family has ever had a negative reaction associated with a vaccine.

If you find that your pediatrician isn’t willing to space them out for you, then you have the option of finding a new pediatrician. While I was met with a worried look from my own, as soon as she realized that I wasn’t refusing anything we worked together very well.

However, before you run off thinking your pediatrician is forcing you to do something against your will, put yourself in their shoes for a minute. They’re doctors! They have seen diseases once considered a distant memory rear their heads all over again solely because parents are refusing to vaccinate their children.

I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be a pediatrician right now. I reckon it’d be like forcing me to design something in QuarkXpress on OS 9.

Anyway, enough about that. Here is a snapshot of what the CDC recommends for any child under 6.

To this day, we still haven’t started him on the HepB vaccine, not because we’re worried about it, but because Emory was in the NICU at the time he was scheduled to have the shot. (Babies receive HepB now before they even leave the hospital.)

(Side note: I once went to an orientation at a pediatrician’s office where I heard two couples express concern over giving their (sons) a shot so early—Won’t it hurt!? Those same parents planned on having their boys circumcised. I can’t imagine a shot is going to hurt any more than a circumcision. Although, I admittedly have no penis and therefore haven’t ever been circumcised.)

We plan on starting him on HepB the moment we’re caught up with everything else. You see, that’s the thing about spacing out vaccines, you fall behind. The schedule is set up for a reason. That’s not to say you can’t space them out, but come preschool or kindergarten, you may find yourself playing catch up.

We also opted out of the influenza vaccine. I entered the winter season dead against giving Emory the flu shot mainly because it still features a preservative known as thimerosal. (CDC Web site) And while I don’t think said preservative leads to autism, it still makes me nervous. I did get one for myself, however, but it was the pregnancy version—the version made without the preservative. (No, I’m not pregnant.)

I am still not sure what we will do next winter when it comes to the flu vaccine.

(I am only just now realizing, based on that graphic above, that there’s also a Hepatitis A vaccine. This is news to me!)

The final vaccine we have not yet begun is the Varicella (Chickenpox) vaccine. I’m still on the fence when it comes to this vaccine because of its newness. I have no other reason to avoid it. And recently I started to think about it a bit more and I’m wondering if we made the right decision to wait. It’s conceivable that since more and more families are opting for the vaccine, he might not get the virus during his elementary school years as seen in previous generations. And I seem to remember someone saying the older you get, the harder the virus hits you.

So, maybe it’s wise we have him vaccinated for Chickenpox. But it still makes me a little nervous. I need to read more.

All that said, here’s the schedule we went with.

2 Months: PCV (pneumococcal)
3 Months: HIB (bacterial meningitis) and IPV (polio)
4 Months: PCV
5 Months: HIB
7 Months: DTaP
9 Months: HIB and PCV
10 Months: DTaP
13 Months DTaP
14 Months: IPV
16 Months: MMR
17 Months: IPV and PCV

We were nervous in the beginning, which is why he was given only one shot at a time with the exception of his 3-month visit. We paired up the HIB and IPV at three months because common side effects associated with the HIB vaccine are harmless, and the not so common side effects are so rare it’s questionable they’re even linked to the vaccine.

I wasn’t at all worried about IPV (polio) because it’s been around for so long and has an excellent safety record.

DTaP has more common and serious side effects but after receiving so many doses of it, I’m now longer worried about it. Emory didn’t get so much as a fever from the DTaP.

All that said, Emory has had two side effects after receiving vaccinations. The first one took place on November 13th. About three hours after he was given the polio vaccine and the HIB vaccine he woke up screaming. Nothing Toby or I did consoled him. We called the on-call doctor who informed us that for whatever reason some babies do this the first (in our case second) time they get vaccinated and never do it again. She was right. He never screamed like that again.

We’ve since been told that he most likely had a sore leg. So, from that point forward, we gave him a small dose of Tylenol or Motrin to alleviate any aches and pains.

The only other time he had a reaction from a vaccine was with the MMR (yes, the dreaded MMR). Many of us (myself included) got wrapped up in the frenzy over whether or not it’s linked to autism. I do not believe that to be the case at all anymore. Recently studies have shown that Andrew Wakefield fixed his data. Everything he claimed has basically been tossed out. But the ramifications of his carelessness could be devastating.

Taken from the article linked to above:

“Last week official figures showed that 1,348 confirmed cases of measles in England and Wales were reported last year, compared with 56 in 1998. Two children have died of the disease.”

In the end, the MMR was nothing. Emory got the usual low-grade fever (101) and a slight rash on his torso a week after he was given the MMR. (Normal.) It was gone in a day.

If I had to do it all again, I would definitely double up more often, because now we’re playing catch up. But I do wish that the CDC would come up with a slightly less aggressive schedule even if that means more trips to the doctor.

Now I make NO apologies for being very pro-vaccine. I think the right thing to do is vaccinate our children. I think it’s in the best interest for the greater good as well as the individual. No, I don’t think that the US government should make anything mandatory—I rather like living in a country where we’re given the freedom of choice. But I do hope that each person gathers the information they need to make informed choices instead of being driven by fear. And while that’s not the case for everyone refusing vaccinations, I was definitely in that camp, which leads me to believe that I was/am not alone.

I welcome you to discuss the pros and cons of vaccinations here. I also welcome you to disagree with me (constructively).

Get Mad About This.

mihow — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 20:28:00 +0000

^{(I put this up. I took it down. I put it up again. I took it down again. I am putting it up again, with a few additions. If I get attacked, so be it. I’m ready for it. I think.)}

There are several bloggers upset about a post over at Mom Logic written by a guest blogger named “Gina”. (I have chosen not to link to the post in question because I feel that by doing so I’d be perpetuating their obvious quest for traffic. If you wish to find it, by all means knock on Google’s door.) She equates miscarriages with abortions and basically states that if you’re prochoice, you shouldn’t start whining whenever you have a miscarriage. She wrote something like, “Sure, it’s a baby when you want it, a fetus when you don’t.”

Now, I could state how I feel about what she wrote. It may even come as a surprise to some people. But I’m choosing to not add any more fuel to that fire because it’s a waste of time and energy and precisely what Mom Logic wants.

So, instead of ranting about “Gina” and what she wrote, I’m going to rant about something I read over the weekend that had me in tears.

Did you get wind of the story out of Florida? The one where an abortion doctor is having his license revoked (justifiably so) because of a live birth abortion? No? Yes? Maybe? Well, here it is. (CNN article).

“According to the suit, Williams, then 18, discovered while being treated for a fall that she was 23 weeks pregnant. She went to a clinic to get an abortion on the morning of July 20, 2006, after receiving medication and instructions the previous day.“

For those of you who don’t want to read the whole sordid (highly disturbing) story, let me break it down for you:

1). 18-year-old girl gets pregnant.

2). Girl doesn’t realize it for 23-weeks.

3). Girl finds out. Schedules an abortion.

4). Abortion goes horribly, horribly wrong.

5). Girl (awake) gives birth to living, breathing creature.

6). Staff freaks out. Screams.

7). Baby (fetus) gasps for air for 5 minutes.

8). Fetus (baby) is put in biohazard bag and disposed of.

9). Girl sues everyone in the name of her dead baby daughter.

“Williams filed the suit individually and “as personal representative of the estate of Shanice Denise Osbourne, deceased,” the suit said.“

It was her choice to have sex. It was her choice to have an abortion. And now it’s her choice to sue the doctor and his clinic in the name of her baby daughter—the same fetus she chose to abort.

And now it’s my choice to judge her for her choice, specifically that last one.

Sure, it’s a fetus when you don’t want it, and a baby when you see some dollar signs. Because that’s precisely the message she seems to be sending.

So, I write this to all of you who fall on the pro-choice side of the Internet: Get mad about this not about what some woman named “Gina” wrote on a Web site whose advertisers are currently thanking for the spike traffic.

Get mad about this.

Isn’t it possible that this story could very well become the pro-life movement’s dream come true? Couldn’t we have a real life Citizen Ruth on our hands? What if someone gets a hold of this woman and turns her into the poster child for just how ugly abortion really is? Even if you don’t think so—even if you don’t think it’s a life until that baby is born and breathing on its own—many, many people disagree with you.

A few months ago, Sarah Palin was shown on TV in front of a live turkey slaughter and people completely freaked out. But isn’t that the way it is? And if you’re a poultry eater (like myself), shouldn’t you be able to watch that without uttering one word of disgust? Dare I suggest that what we saw take place on that video was actually less gruesome than what goes on at many other slaughter houses across the country?

Couldn’t it be said then that what happened to this woman during her abortion is precisely why pro-lifers wish to put an end to it? Could this story open up a HUGE floodgate into the gritty truth behind abortion, at least when it comes to the pro-life message?

I ask a lot of questions here, and I think that you should as well. If you’re pro-choice, then try and see how this might look to an opponent. That’s all I’m asking. It’s probably pretty clear to you that an abortion isn’t supposed to go this way, but how is it supposed to go? I reckon that to a pro-life person—a person who believes a baby is a baby the moment its conceived—this is precisely what an abortion looks like and that this story exposes the brutal truth.

What I’m suggesting is this: no matter what side of your bread you butter, there should be at least one facet to this story that deserves your anger and attention. There must be something you would like to change about it.

So, don’t get mad at “Gina” or Mom Logic for chumming at a little traffic, get mad about this.

On Feminism

mihow — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 23:22:00 +0000

It’s a simple question, I just want to know what you think of when you hear (or read) the word feminism. What type of woman do you consider a feminist? When does feminism rear its head in your everyday life? I’m not looking for text book definitions, because we all know that terms tend to change once they are applied to our actual lives.

I realize I’ve brought somethig like this up before, but this is for a different purpose and I’d love to hear what you have to say. If you dislike leaving comments, please feel free to email me. Also, feel free to do so anonymously. (Anything goes, my friends. Don’t hold back.)

Thank you in advance!

There Goes The Motherhood.

mihow — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 20:28:00 +0000

There’s the usual stink going on about mommybloggers writing about motherhood (and their children) online. Many skeptics feel writing about one’s child is damaging to them. I won’t dispute that claim at all. In fact, I consistently battle with this and have written as much before. I even vowed to quit the mommyblogging part entirely, which I haven’t done. Does this trouble me? Yes, greatly.

So why do I do it?

On the one hand, many of you saved my butt when I was going through postpartum depression (which up until fairly recently I wasn’t able to admit that that’s precisely what I was experiencing). My goal since “getting through all of that” has been to write about motherhood and reach out to others in hopes of paying it forward.

On the other hand, I’m putting my family on display without the consent of my child.

Again, why do I do it?

As silly as it may sound, it really does take a village to raise a child and in our culture that village (or lack thereof) consists of people with full time jobs, people who pay other people to watch their children (whether they want to or not) and then send spies to the playground to make sure they’re “doing it right.” (True story!) For those of us who suddenly lose our village—who can’t take their kids to the playground in winter because it’s too cold and are met with dirty looks from restaurant owners and patrons because we’re seen as a potential nuisance—the communities we discover online are (in some cases) all we have.

I choose to keep doing this—for now—because it makes me feel a little less secluded. I go days and days without using the creative part of my brain—the part I have exercised since before I can remember. I’m not complaining about my new career; I love raising my son. But transitioning from “full time creative person” to “full time mother” has taken a great deal work, work I could not have done alone.

As mothers, we are scrutinized for ignoring our children. As mothers, we are scrutinized for how they behave. We’re scrutinized if we let them watch TV. We’re scrutinized if we don’t breastfeed. We’re scrutinized if we do. We’re scrutinized if they cry in public. We’re scrutinized if they move too slowly. We’re scrutinized if we dote on them. We’re scrutinized if we stay at home. We’re scrutinized if we hire someone to care for them. We’re scrutinized if we homeschool. We’re scrutinized if we send them to private school. We’re scrutinized if we take too long lugging a stroller up the subway steps. We’re scrutinized if we write about them.

What I have come to realize is that there’s always going to be at least one person who is annoyed with how we how we perform each facet of the job.

I once compared becoming a mother with being on house arrest. It’s a drastic statement, indeed. And some people have responded by looking at me like I’m a terrible person for saying as much. But there’s a certain degree of truth to it. And my son has nothing to do with it. (Make sure you read and digest the last line.) The sentiment has everything to do with our culture, the people around me, and my inability to let the nasty looks and disparaging comments roll off my shoulders.

Is writing about our jobs online selfish? Sure. And if you suggest otherwise, I think you should sit down and give it a little more thought. But! I think it’s born out of selflessness, seclusion and frustration. We seek out community wherever we can find it. We look for comfort from other mothers, whether it be right here in our own neighborhood or online. So if you find that you have a problem with mothers writing online—and many people do—how about using that energy to come up with solutions? At the very least, the next time you see a mother dealing with her screaming child, offer her a warm smile.

Do I think writing online is the best way to handle the problem? No, I don’t. (And, yes, I do feel that we as a society have a growing problem.) Is throwing Wellbutrin, Prozac, or Zoloft at a new mother the solution to dealing with her being thrust into alienation? I really, really don’t think so. Becoming a mother shouldn’t be treated as one might treat depression or mental illness (unless, of course, it’s chemistry we’re talking about) and that seems to be the growing trend as of late.

I would much rather live in a society that’s more tolerant of its mothers (especially since we all have one) and easier on its families. And until that happens, I probably won’t be able to shut up about it.

^{(Murray lovers: TWM will be back either later today or next week, probably later today.)}

Gattaca: We’re Not Far Off

mihow — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 18:07:00 +0000

The New York Times reported over the weekend that there’s a 149 dollar test for children to determine if they have the sports gene.

My initial thought was, Awesome! We should see what it says about Emory! like we’d be getting a reading from a 15-dollar, storefront fortune teller. After I thought about it a bit more, the idea began to make me very uneasy. I’m asking way too many questions of the “what if? variety.

Can we be trusted with this information? Will it bring more good to the world than bad? Because I’m just not sure.

Studies Show, Studies Meant To Stress New Mothers Out

mihow — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 20:42:00 +0000

CNN is reporting about a study released out of London today stating that babies that face away from their parents in a stroller are less likely to talk, laugh and speak with their parents.

The study included 20 babies. They were pushed by their parents for 1 mile. Half of that mile was spent facing outward, the other half, inward.

I can’t help but shake my head at this one. Did they take in consideration the amount of time each parent spends with his or her child when they aren’t out walking with a stroller? Does a baby whose parents work full time and is cared for by a nanny talk to his or her parents less than a baby who spends his or her days with one (or both) of his or her parents? (I’m not suggesting one is better than the other, I’m suggesting that there are dozens of other factors involved here.) Does the position of the baby in a stroller really have anything to do with how a child communicates with his or her parents? Wouldn’t a child have to spend hours per day in a stroller for this to really matter?

And if we’re talking strollers, why not take it a step further. Are babies that face the rear of a car also stressed out? Does that mean suburban babies are likely to feel more stressed out than city babies because they spend more time in a car?

I am not asking these questions because I want answers. I’m also not suggesting that the study offended me. What I would like to suggest is that we start analyzing the information we’re given and what we then choose to do with it. This study leaves me asking too many questions. It’s my opinion that this is more in line with what mommybloggers should be getting worked up over.

Lastly, I wonder if the study was funded by Stokke. heh

There was another study done as well. It compared babies being worn by their parents vs. babies that face outward in a stroller and the babies that were worn by their parents were able to recite Infinite Jest at 15 months while those facing out in a stroller were banging hookers and dealing cocaine.

My Unfiltered Thoughts About The Motrin Hubbub

mihow — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 21:14:00 +0000

Like with most things that take place in the blogosphere, I came late to the Motringate scandal. I’m always late (if I manage to get there at all). After reading several not so nice blog posts (and Twitters) about it, I expected to see something horribly offensive. Instead? I wasn’t offended at all by this ad, not even the slightest bit offended. I actually asked someone if I had seen the wrong ad. Surely, I had missed something.

Nope.

It appears that some folks were upset because they felt that Motrin was belittling the act of wearing a baby. The whole fiasco was like something Dr. Suess would write about, only without all the rhyming and butter.

I think I was more offended that Motrin took the ad down in response to the backlash. It’s my opinion (and it won’t be a popular one) that what they said about wraps and baby-wearing has truth to it. Sure, they made some generalizations, but every advertiser does that. It’s their job to annoy us that way. I guess the difference this time is that they stepped on the toes of mommybloggers. (Do not mess with mommybloggers. Sometimes they lash out at you and bring their friends along. They have been known to kick below the belt and under the bra. I actually fear some mommybloggers, to be perfectly honest.)

To further alienate myself, I think that many mothers do buy wraps to look like a certain type of mother. I honestly believe that many mothers (especially women who research the hell out of their pregnancy and their baby-rearing days) treat buying a wrap like any other adornment. I’m not suggesting that means wearing your baby is something people do without any benefits. I don’t think Motrin was suggesting that either. But I think it is trendy right now. Buying a wrap is like purchasing a car; moms want the one that most represents their personality and lifestyle, without losing the security, safety and functionality. And if you don’t think people think this way, you’re being naive. Furthermore, if what I’ve written offends you, ask yourself why. (And then count to ten before sending me any hate mail. Also read this.)

I’m sick of this apparent readiness to lash out at other mothers who don’t function under the same belief system as a majority. I grew tired of this crowd mentality back when I was still pregnant and it just keeps getting worse and worse. If it’s not about breast feeding, it’s about vaccines. If it’s not about organic vs. not organic, it’s about whether or not you turned your car seat around too early. If it’s not about soy vs. whole milk, it’s about feeding babies meat or raising them vegetarian. If it’s not about that, it’s about whether or not some advertiser was “belittling mothers” by suggesting babywearing is trendy. I don’t know what’s going to be next, but I do know with this group there’s always going to be a next.

I was given three wraps and bought two of my own more before realizing that the utilitarian Bjorn was more my style (and my baby’s as well. He was always a face-out baby, no way he would have liked the wrap). That doesn’t mean I didn’t secretly wish that I could use one of those kangaroo type slings. Wrap-wearing mothers always make me think yoga instructor, hippie, or crunchy mom and I love a little crunch to my ladies. Plus, a wrap would have done a much better job at keeping Emory warm, but he just wasn’t having it.

I think that many mothers really do think a lot about the type of wrap they’re going to wear and what it says about them. The function of it is obvious—it’s meant to carry your baby. But that doesn’t mean its form and design needs to be an afterthought. Even the companies who make (and sell) these wraps are well aware of our thought process that goes into purchasing one and our desire to look and feel a certain way.

One woman donated a wrap to me and said, “This is what all the celebrities are seen wearing in all the magazines, but I couldn’t ever figure it out.” (I never did either.)

Is wearing your baby trendy? You betcha. Is wearing your baby in something trendy a bad thing? I personally don’t think so. Is stating as much? Apparently so.

Voting As A Primary Caregiver.

mihow — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 23:34:00 +0000

Here in New York we weren’t allowed to hit the polls early. I’m anticipating long lines tomorrow. I’m wondering how other stay-at-home-moms are doing it (or have done it). Do you have a story to tell? Ideas? Suggestions? I have to bring Em with me. And while I’m hoping he behaves himself as long as we’re in line, I can’t promise anything.

Perhaps Election Day should become a national holiday, so that whomever goes to work for a living can stay home while the primary caregiver gets out to vote. While employers face charges if they don’t give their employees time off to vote, babies don’t have to follow the law.

If they can’t give the nation the day off, maybe they should have a “Fast Track” option for those of us with toddlers who really don’t enjoy being confined to a stroller for very long. Not that I’m looking for special treatment or anything. ;]

Edited to add: Early voting could go nationwide. Maybe in four years, this won’t be an issue for SAHMs and Dads after all.

Teen Pregnancy Linked To Sexy TV Shows?

mihow — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 19:04:00 +0000

RAND Research has linked teen pregnancy to watching a lot of television. The study shows that the more sex (on TV) a teenager watches, the more likely it is for that teenager to get pregnant or impregnate.

That makes sense, right?

Here’s my problem with it. Could it be that the kids who are watching more television are getting pregnant because he or she spends less time with communicating with his or her parents? Could it be that parents who are more likely to plop their kid in front of the TV are less likely to communicate regularly with their children?

I always feel slightly irritated by how studies such as this one get reported (I haven’t read the study firsthand) because I think the report becomes an obstacle at getting to the heart of what the real problem may be.

Is it in fact true that children that watch racy TV shows are more likely to have sex, or could it be that children who watch a lot of TV are less likely to spend that time communicating with his or her family?

If the goal is to lessen the number of teen pregnancies in America, I think figuring out why it’s happening should become our top priority. And quite frankly, I’m not convinced that the problem has to do with what they’re watching and instead has to do with why.

But my opinion still isn’t quite ripe. I’m open to debate.

VIOLENCE AND TV (A late addition to this post.)

I’m about to admit to something that probably seems contradictory to the top half of this post and state that I do believe that watching violent TV shows (and playing violent video games) can lead to violent behavior. Perhaps I’m naive where sex is concerned? I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I do not believe that humans are inherently violent—that violence (or lack of compassion) is a learned behavior. I do believe that humans are inherently sexual, however.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t feel that parents can do much to keep teenagers from being curious about (even craving) sex. I do think we can control how educated our children are regarding the topic. I have always thought that when it comes time, I would talk openly to my son about sex. I am not nearly as liberal when it comes to violence, however.

Obviously, my opinion on the matter is still morphing.

Amex Cuts 7,000 Jobs. What Would You Do?

mihow — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 19:26:00 +0000

American Express is cutting 7,000 jobs. Jobs are being slashed everywhere and that has me thinking…

What would you do if you lost your job tomorrow? Do you have a savings? Do you have enough to cover six to ninth months worth of all your expenses? Would you be OK for a while? Would you have a place to go? I am anxious to hear how stable people are. (If you leave a comment, feel free to do so anonymously.)

Invest In Happy Memories.

mihow — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 20:29:00 +0000

Greg Mankiw breaks down tax on investments.

In a nutshell, unless you’re the type of person who makes it now and spends it now, both candidates’ tax plans suck for you. That’s not to say that this is entirely their fault or that it’s something they have control over. This is a fault of how our system is set up.

If you have a second, read this.

(Thanks to Missy for the link.)

Sending Hate Mail: A Tutorial

mihow — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 21:30:00 +0000

Let me begin by saying that I’m no expert on the subject of hate mail. I haven’t ever sent hate mail to anyone. It’s just not my style to open an empty mail message and write about how much I hate someone. But some people do it. Some people compose dreadfully cruel letters. Perhaps they need to get something off their chest and writing it down makes them feel better. Perhaps they get high on the adrenaline rush. I guess those people and their actions make some sense.

It’s the people that actually send the message that confuse me. What brings them to press send? What type of response are they hoping to invoke? What type of person opens a new window, composes a lengthy, hateful message and then sends the message to someone they haven’t met before?

This person remains a mystery to me, so I do not claim expertise in this area. But I have been on the receiving end. So pretend I’m like a male gynecologist; I may not have the parts firsthand, but I’ve seen enough to make some sense of it.

Today’s post will hopefully act as a basic tutorial regarding the dos and donts of writing decent hate mail.

Statement: OH MY GOD! I HATE THIS PERSON! I HATE WHAT THEY WRITE! I HATE THEIR VOICE!

OK, that’s cool. So, you hate this person. Believe me, there have been a few people I haven’t been too fond of over the years. I have grown so annoyed, sometimes I’ve stopped reading a person’s Web site all together. Crazy, right? Actually looking away from someone or something that fills you with hate isn’t easy. I mean, who in their right mind wants to avoid someone that makes them angry? Who in their right mind wants to avoid something that makes them feel like hitting caps lock?

Sometimes, whenever I feel angered by something I read online, I go for a jog or a walk. If I am unable to do that, I’ll put everything down and read to my son or sit with my cats, because no matter how badly I feel, they always make me smile.

If none of that works, I vent to my husband and he usually shakes his head and makes me feel silly for caring at all, which in turn makes me stop caring so much.

Try and find some other way to calm yourself down even if it requires the use of an illegal substance.

Statement: OH MY GOD, I CAN’T LET IT GO! I AM JUST SO ANGRY! I NEED TO TELL THIS IDIOT BLOGGER JUST HOW ANGRY I AM!

You’re mad. I get it. And all the bubble baths and yoga breaths in the world aren’t going to calm you down. You simply must write that email! Before running off to some anonymous email client, I really think that you should use your own email client and name. Why? Because it makes what you’re saying matter. Otherwise, you sound like a coward.

I really think you owe it to yourself (and the object of your enmity) to give a name. I speak from experience when I say that those who write anonymously are seen as cowards. After the initial “Wow! They did NOT just write that!” wears off, it becomes downright amusing. Your mail is shared with friends and spouses and everyone gets a chuckle out of it. Your mail is then filed away in a folder called “Cowardly Douchebags”.

Statement: I REFUSE TO USE MY OWN CLIENT! I WILL TELL THIS PERSON HOW MUCH I HATE THEM AND WHY THEY SUCK SO BAD USING AN ANONYMOUS MAIL SERVICE!

Alright, so, you’re not one to leave the light on during sex. You have no desire to share your name with the person you hate. You hate them so much, you wish to anonymously let them know. Let me at least help you pick the right anonymous email client.

I have received email from both Anonymous Speech and Send Anonymous Email. I have also gotten hate mail from impromptu email accounts like Janehatesmihow666@hotmail.com. To each their own. If you want sign up for a new Hotmail or Gmail account, by all means, do so. That’s what people have been doing for years. But there are sites designed specifically for this purpose.

I went to Anonymous Speech today and discovered that they are currently moving to Malaysia and their site is down.

If you wish to anonymously write them letting them know how angry you are, I might suggest using Send Anonymous Email instead.

Any site whose number one selling point is “catch a cheating spouse husband or wife” is a surefire winner in my book. Who needs wedding vows, communication and trust when you have this passive aggressive, highly retardable way of finding out if your husband is sticking it to another woman?

You might as well pick the most passive aggressive site you can find. That way you’re in like-minded company.

STATEMENT: I CAN’T WAIT TO FILL THIS EMPTY WINDOW WITH MY AWESOME AND HATEFUL WORDS THAT WILL MAKE THIS PERSON WISH HE OR SHE WERE DEAD!

Now you’re ready. But before you write your hate mail, I would like to suggest following a couple of rules first.

1). Do not use the caps lock.

It’s weird. I don’t know what else to say about it. It’s just weird. You’re weird if you write in all caps and you already have two strikes against you (you’re sending hate mail and you’re sending hate mail using an anonymous client.) If you turn on the caps lock, you’re out entirely.

2). If you wish to belittle someone, show some validity.

I once had someone write telling me that I SHOULD JUST GO TO NEW JERSEY ALREADY!

I was baffled by this. It was by far the most bizarre email I have ever received. It went on for pages and pages about how I was pathetic and that New York hates me and that I just don’t have what it takes to live here. Finally, she just started yelling at me and told me to move to the suburbs. She ended her rant by voting me off the island and sending me to NEW JERSEY ALREADY!!

While some folks think having to go to New Jersey is like the worst thing ever, there are about 8,685,920 who disagree.

Make it count, people! If this is the type of argument you have prepared, you may want to sit down and ask why you’re so upset. Ask yourself if it’s really about that person at all.

3). Your mother’s ugly and she dresses you funny. FACE!

Empty insults should be removed. YOU’RE A RACIST! or YOU’RE A NAZI! are both overused. It’s right up there with calling someone fat or retarded or fat and retarded. Unless this person is actually a member of the KKK or they were seen at one of the recent Midwestern GOP political rallies, don’t call them a racist.

(Also along these lines: telling someone they are going to Hell, New Jersey, or that they are an anti-American, liberal terrorist.)

4). Unless you’re perfect AND you’re a parent, do not tell someone that they are a terrible mother.

This is a no-brainer. I don’t need to explain this one. Just don’t do it. We all know there are some people out there who are abusive toward children. If you are out to save the children, I might suggest donating some of your extra time—the time it takes you to send hate mail, for example—to a local children’s charity.

5). Don’t make caveats.

Letting the person know that you don’t really read their site, but you stopped by just for today, is unnecessary. Leave things like, “I don’t usually read your site and I regret it now…” out of your hate mail. It says stalker. It reminds me of some dialogue from Howard Stern’s Private Parts.

Researcher: The average radio listener listens for eighteen minutes. The average Howard Stern fan listens for – are you ready for this? – an hour and twenty minutes.

Pig Vomit: How can that be?

Researcher: Answer most commonly given? “I want to see what he’ll say next.”

Pig Vomit: Okay, fine. But what about the people who hate Stern?

Researcher: Good point. The average Stern hater listens for two and a half hours a day.

Pig Vomit: But… if they hate him, why do they listen?

Researcher: Most common answer? “I want to see what he’ll say next.”

You know you read their site, they know you read their site, you don’t need to tell them how often you don’t read their site or how embarrassed you are that you don’t read their site. About 75% of the hate mail I receive includes a declaration about how the sender doesn’t normally read my Web site. There’s no need for it. You’re right up there with the folks who say things like, “I don’t hate gays, but I really can’t stand seeing two guys hold hands.”

6). Don’t call someone what they are in an attempt to hurt their feelings.

Things like “YOU STUPID VEGAN!” or “YOU BLEEDING HEART LIBERAL!” beckon a “Yeah, so what?” response. If this is all your hate mail is going to say, I highly suggest avoiding it entirely.

7). Use hard returns.

This falls in line with caps lock. Some people write long hateful posts without giving the reader a break. This is tiring and you look insane. Hit return. It helps get your point across and the recipient doesn’t pass out.

Combining caps lock and refusing to use paragraph breaks is hateful all its own. So I might suggest just copying and pasting a continuous stream of UPPERCASE Lorem Ipsum into an email.

8). Read it out loud.

This may be the most important rule. Before you send that hate mail, read it out loud. Because if you can read your email out loud and not feel like a giant loser, then it’s either OK to send (and will therefore help said recipient) or you need to get your head examined.

But in the end, the choice is yours.

Francisco DeFlaviis – The Lone Juror.

mihow — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 23:24:00 +0000

Joseph Petcka, the man arrested for beating a 7-pound cat to death, had his day in court recently. The jury came back hung: 11 to 1. After five days of deliberations eleven people were in favor of convicting Petcka of aggravated animal cruelty. A lone juror by the name of Francisco DeFlaviis did not believe that Joseph Petcka killed the cat on purpose.

Joseph Petcka weighed 205 pounds at the time. He and his girlfriend had just had a fight. The cat, Norman, weighed 7 pounds. Norman was declawed.

Petcka said he kicked the cat to death in self defense.

I could go on about how I feel regarding animal cruelty in this country. I could go on about how unbelievably angry his actions and this mistrial makes me. But I won’t. Instead of stating the obvious, instead of ranting without resolve, I’m hoping that something positive might come out of this.

Please don’t forget to donate to the ASPCA. Help them put an end to animal cruelty. Help them spread the word that beating an animal to death will not be tolerated in this country.

Suicide Is Painless. Bailouts Are Not.

mihow — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 19:08:00 +0000

After the week we’ve had here in America, I think the flier I saw last week may need to be updated.

Suicide isn’t the answer at all. The United States government is.

I have ranted about this to the people I know. I have gone on tangents inside my own head for weeks now. And I know that I’m going to come off as someone who is resentful and jealous. I’m going to sound bitter and scornful.

And perhaps I am all of that. Truth be told, I feel very much the same way about the financial stuff going on right now that I do whenever I see people using the shoulder to cheat a traffic jam thereby making it worse. I feel the same type of anger and unfairness I experience whenever I see someone doing 55 in a 25 with total disregard for everyone else.

I’m frustrated by all those who took out mortgages they couldn’t afford from even greedier banks.

There have been moments recently I have wished we had done something entirely stupid and accepted a mortgage we couldn’t afford. Everyone else was doing it, right? What’s another foreclosure? What’s another declaration of bankruptcy? Why not gamble with our financial stability like so many others have? Why not sit back and hope that it works out?

Why not?

Because we’re cautious. Perhaps we’re a little too cautious because now that so many American banks are in financial tailspins hoping our government throws them a parachute, there’s a pretty good chance we won’t be getting a mortgage anytime soon.

And that’s my question to no one. Are we, as first-time home buyers, going to be penalized because we played things by the book? Are we going to be overlooked now because we weren’t seduced by a high-paying, or sub-prime mortgage back then?

To all those who want less government intervention, less regulation, less bureaucracy: look around you. This is a perfect example as to why your ideal world is an impossibility. When choosing between a high-risk gamble and being conservative many people opt for the former. Just watch one episode of “Deal or No Deal” and you’ll see how greedy and stupid people can be. We need intervention. We need help.

We don’t even have enough personal restraint to get our chubby hands out of the deep fryer, and we get pissed off whenever the government suggests adding calorie count to a menu. (Whatever happened to making informed decisions?) Due to the rising cost of cigarettes, some smokers are now demanding that government pay for their nicotine patches, gum, whatever. (Why should I have to pay for someone else to quit smoking? No one helped me quit.) People were told to leave Galveston, Texas a week before Ike hit. Many chose not to. Two days later, they were begging for help on camera.

We are children in need of adult supervision. We lack the willpower to say no. We need a guardian to step in and make sure we’re don’t kill ourselves, financially or otherwise.

So, I’m going to be honest today. I am a little resentful. I am a little frustrated. I am shaking my head at all those who stepped outside their means, and at the banks for allowing them to do so. And even though I agree with what many are saying—that government intervention is needed right now so that our teetering financial stability doesn’t come crashing down—I can’t help but want to wag my finger at the government as well. Where were you when the banks were giving money to people who couldn’t pay it back? Where were you when people were buying houses they couldn’t afford?

I’m actually one for government regulation. I like knowing how many calories are in my banana nut muffin. And I don’t mind paying taxes to make sure that people are able to eat, get the healthcare they need—whatever. I have always felt that as a society we’re only as good as our weakest member. We need to look out for one another.

But I’d be lying if I said that this member of society isn’t angry.

What is Feminism? Is it Dead?

mihow — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 19:28:00 +0000

I’m not sure if you’ve had the unfortunate experience of reading about the ugly display that took place on Thinking and Drinking with Lizz Winstead last week. I’m guessing that if I heard about it, everyone has.

To put it bluntly: It was a train wreck.

Nutshell: Lizz Winstead (host of “Thinking and Drinking”, previous writer for “The Daily Show”) asked Tracie Egan and Moe Tkacik to be guests on the show because “Their work on Jezebel has made them role models for young women everywhere.” (One 20-year-old blogger who was in the studio audience stated that Moe is her “Feminist Superhero.”)

Moe and Tracie are said to have arrived drunk and they proceeded to get drunker. The conversation started off with jokes about abortion and how many they’ve had. They talked about how the pull out method is the most fun way not to get pregnant. The conversation then moved on to rape. Some of the things these women said about rape had me opened-mouthed and speechless. I was in bewildered awe over the seemingly blatant ignorance.

I am not a reader of Jezebel. I am by no means someone who can speak about their writing history or their background. I do not know their audience. After having watched the video, however, I am happy I never got to know these two women—as writers, role models, bloggers, whatever. They came off as arrogant, childish, and worst of all, irresponsible. As someone unfamiliar with Jezebel, I have been turned away entirely.

But! The whole situation has left a horrible taste in my mouth. And I am not sure why. Perhaps it’s because these two are seen as role models.

I am left asking one giant question:

When did feminism become about sexually explicit vulgarity, sleeping with a different guy every night, or boasting about the number of abortions you’ve had?

(I bet Lydia Lunch and Lung Leg are pissed off—two generations too late. Sorry, ladies! Who knew fisting might one day become a symbol of feminism?)

I fail to see how getting blasted drunk and having a lot of sex is feministic. The way they acted bugged me, sure. But I think what bugs me the most is that they are looked up to and respected. Plus, they’re probably making close to a hundred grand a year doing this, acting this way.

But my husband said, “You CAN’T change the world. There are going to be idiots. I don’t know why this bothers you so much. Let them go. But if you really want to make a difference, contact the editors and producers. If they think advertisers are going to back out, they will reprimand the writers.”

OK, so I’m not going to try and change the world or contact anyone involved because it won’t do any good. He’s right about that. That’s why I chose to avoid linking to either of the women’s sites because I’d rather not add fuel the fire. (If you want to find all the “good” stuff, they can do so by clicking the above link to Lizz Winstead’s article.) My words will mean nothing—just take up some more virtual space. I can’t ask these women how they’re feminists. I’m a teeny tiny voice in a sea of millions. (Plus, I am sort of a pussy when it comes to online fighting.) But I do want to ask one parting question:

What is Feminism? Is it Dead?

Because I think it’s dead. And I think a hideous intruder has risen in its place.

The Coming Collapse of the Middle Class

mihow — Sun, 04 May 2008 01:18:00 +0000

I’ve written at least 10 posts about this and deleted every last one of them. If this one makes it up, I’ll be shocked. (Here’s to number 11.) The YouTube Video below is of a lecture given by Elizabeth Warren. It’s enlightening, terrifying, confusing, sad, informative, long but outstanding.

I have decided to post it anyway. It’s long but it’s worth it. The statistics alone offer so much food for thought, your head will be reeling. (Please note: you don’t actually have to watch it. You can get the gist just by listening to it, although the charts at times do help illustrate her points. Also, the lecture starts at 4:45.)

There are so many things I want to talk about, write about, discuss. This lecture illustrates and voices a great deal of the frustration my family has experienced as we try and find a safe and affordable place to raise our son. We are the family she speaks of in search of a decent education for our child, willing to buy something overpriced just to see our son grow up educated and safe. This is scary stuff, people.

I’m going to stop rambling. But please, if you have time, watch the lecture. Let’s start a revolution. We need to change course. America’s future depends on it. I truly believe that.

Top Chef Chicago: No Spice.

mihow — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 21:36:00 +0000

I love Top Chef. Toby and I are huge fans. We look forward to it each and every week. It’s not unheard of for one of us to wake up on Wednesday morning and express out loud how excited we are about 10 PM. And season three was awesome.

I don’t know what it is about season four but I almost can’t stand it and I can’t put my finger on why. Did they hire different editors? Writers? What’s going on? Perhaps it’s the people. I really don’t care for many of them.

You might call this is a stereotypical blog post (ie. bitching). It is. But I really want to talk about why season four of Top Chef seems to suck so very badly. Is it just me? How do you feel about it? Please feel free to disagree, agree, or tell me I suck for watching reality TV at all.

Parents of Baby Girls? It Works Both Ways.

mihow — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 00:44:00 +0000

Some parents get really upset when people refer to their baby using the wrong pronoun. Some parents go to great lengths to avoid having their baby girl be mistaken for a boy. They dress them head-to-toe in pink, stuff them into frilly dresses, wrangle bows onto the three or four strands of hair on top of their daughter’s otherwise bald head. I mean, who doesn’t appreciate a perfectly adorned coconut?

But this doesn’t only happen to baby girls.

Emory gets referred to as a girl all the time. Pretty much every time we’re out in public someone will say, “What’s your daughter’s name?” And Toby and I laugh because the answer doesn’t do much to correct them. Emory has become such an androgynous name. We joke about new ways of answering the question, like delivering his name with a resounding tenor-like “EMORY!”

Had we known we were going to have such a “pretty” boy, we’d have named him Maximus, Bob, or Texas.

I’ll be perfectly honest, it doesn’t bother me at all that people think Emory is a girl. He does have long eyelashes, big blue eyes, and, shit y’all, he’s a freaking baby. I think we can forgive people for messing that one up. What does bother me, however, is the reaction we get from people if we’re forced to correct them. (Sometimes, we don’t correct people especially if they’re passing strangers whom we’ll never see again.) They act mortified, apologetic, like they called him a sissy on the playground. We reassure them, “It’s OK. He’s just a baby. He doesn’t know.”

Perhaps I should dress him in military garb or stuff his diaper with a sock.

Maybe we should buy him a Hummer.

Mihow » debate

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