fedouy

January 16th, 2013

It’s been, what, a month? More? I wish I had an excuse. I don’t. I am a terrible blogger.

Here’s the deal: and I’ve mentioned this before. At least I think I have. Although, I have so many drafts and “mind-posts” that have never been published. Frankly, I am not entirely sure what I’ve actually written about, and what I think I’ve written about. But I digress.

I don’t like writing about my kids. I think about it, and sometimes I write an entire post about them or something cute they did. And right when I’m about to publish it, I think, “Would you have wanted your mom to write this about you?” And it’s not even super private stuff. But I know firsthand, that sometimes the smallest anecdote is the one that hurts the most. You don’t have to write something deeply personal about a person to have it sting, to leave them feeling as though you’ve betrayed them. And I ultimately have no way of knowing what that might be for my children, especially Emory who is a very sensitive creature. So, I just don’t write. Not anymore. Not about my children. Even though I really want to.

But they are my fulltime—my more than fulltime—job. They are my everything, my only real inspiration. I am with them pretty much every hour of every day. And when I’m not with them, I’m running, baking or pouring lollipops. This is my whole life right now: kids; cleaning: lollipops; baking; running; walking the dog; sleeping. I have very little time for anything else. And I’m OK with that.

But I miss blogging. I miss being a part of an online community of some sort. I used to have a pretty big one here. Now, I don’t blog much at all, although I want to. Basically, I reply to folks (using 140 characters or less) and they may or may not respond to me. Half the time, I am not even sure they see what I write. My online life has become rather detached. (This is entirely my fault, however.)

But I want to write more. I know that. I miss it. I miss this space.

Certainly I can find the time to write, right?

First thing this morning, sun wasn’t yet up, bed sheet creases still ever-present on my cheek, I opened the computer to write. And immediately the day took control. The kids needed breakfast; the dog needed walked; the place needed tidied; the laundry needed folded. The day had begun before I had a chance to say, “GO!” Before I knew it, I was running around trying to keep up, and I’d forgotten about the post I’d meant to write, the one I’d been inspired to write. The day slapped me and said, “YOU’RE WRITING? There’s cat puke on the sofa, yogurt on the toilet seat, discarded toenails on the floor! MOVE, WOMAN! MOVE!”

And move I did. I left WordPress open and the new entry untouched. I hit the toenail coated ground running.

Much, much later, I walked by the computer and saw that someone, likely Elliot, wrote, “fedouy” in the title of my empty WordPress post. I just stared at it, trying to decipher what he meant. Did he mean anything? Was he trying to tell me something? HELL NO. It w as nonsense. But It was the most anyone had written here in weeks.

So I kept it.

And wrote this.

Anyway, I’ve given it some thought, and I’ve decided that the only way this site stands a chance is if I write about food, baking, and techniques surrounding as much. Because everything else in my life has to do with my kids and I just can’t write about them.

So, I have a new goal, one I can attain. I think. I will post recipes, how-tos, cake disasters, etc. I will do this at least twice a month. (I’m aiming for once a week, however.) I hope that’s ok. And I hope you stick around. And I hope you understand.

Who knows. Maybe one day, after the kids are a bit older, I’ll have a life that doesn’t completely surround the things that they do. And I’ll write again, on a very personal level like I used to, when it was all about (and only about) me.

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12 Comments »

12 Comments on “fedouy”

  1. Aisha said at 10:40 pm on January 16th, 2013:

    Your blog has always been my favorites to read, including your posts about baking. I can’t wait to see what you post! :)

  2. vedjen said at 10:59 pm on January 16th, 2013:

    I’m still here too. Can’t wait to read what you write.

  3. Marta said at 11:31 pm on January 16th, 2013:

    Could not relate more. Writing? What’s that like again?

    I wish pre-kids me could have found the time to do half the things post-kid me does… But she was *too busy* (doing what now? I couldn’t really say).

    While I’ll miss your other posts (especially the kid/cat interaction ones), your recipes are great! The easy chocolate lava cakes is one I reference more often than I ought!

  4. Sarah said at 2:50 am on January 17th, 2013:

    Tuesdays with Murray were always a favourite in our family. We also have a cat called Murray and our girls love that there is a cat on the other side of the world with the same name.

  5. Lin said at 5:10 am on January 17th, 2013:

    I look forward to the recipes – and I think you’ve made the right choice for your children.

  6. mihow said at 7:12 am on January 17th, 2013:

    I could easily bring that back. He’s still hamming it up and being absurd. Love that damn cat.

  7. lake said at 7:39 am on January 17th, 2013:

    We’ll take what we can get!!

  8. Sarah R. Bloom (@Sadandbeautiful) said at 7:39 am on January 17th, 2013:

    I really want to make “fedouy” into an an acronym.
    “F*&k Everything and Delve Openly Unto You”?

    I think we should work on this. :)

    Happy to read anything you share here.

  9. mihow said at 7:41 am on January 17th, 2013:

    Sarah! I keep doing that too. But I also keep seeing “fedyou” and now I can’t unsee it.

  10. corie said at 12:57 pm on January 18th, 2013:

    Who needs kids when you have cats (and dog)? :P

    But in all seriousness, it’s your writing, not necessarily what you write about, that I enjoy, so keep writing about whatever makes you happy and whole, catered, of course, for the privacy of the online world.

  11. George said at 3:12 pm on January 18th, 2013:

    You can always bring back Tusedays with Murray, we all love that cat!
    Like, if you ever want to do anything but food.
    But I’m looking forward to the recipes too. I’m glad you’re gonna write again, I’ve missed this blog a lot. (And your contribution to where we met. ;)

  12. StFarmer said at 10:25 am on January 21st, 2013:

    I get my mihow fix from your Twitter updates.


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