Comments on: What To Expect When You’re No Longer Expecting.

By: laurie

laurie — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 12:37:34 +0000

I am reading blogs again after a long break, so am learning things are going on with people that I didn’t know about/missed on Twitter.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

I owe you an e-mail about my hood. I look forward to the chance to talk with you. Also I am a good listener. I can swing either, honestly.

By: Deb - Mom of 3 Girls

Deb - Mom of 3 Girls — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 06:22:09 +0000

I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy, 9 years ago now. And you are so right – you never completely get over it. And it takes months to get back to ‘normal’ if normal’s ever what you really even get to. It’s sad and devastating and it sucks, big time. Especially when you still ‘feel’ pregnant – and every time you see a pregnant woman, or later on see a baby about the age that yours would have been.

I know for me, there was never any question of not trying again – and four months after the D&C, I did get pregnant again. But instead of feeling joyous and excited, I was so anxious and scared for almost the whole 9 months that I still feel like I got gypped out of the ‘joy’ of being pregnant, even though everything went well and our oldest daughter was born a year and a month to the day after we found out there was no heartbeat with our first baby.

I’m so sorry that you are going through this and I know there are no words that can help bring comfort right now, so I’ll just send a lot of ((hugs)) your way.

By: Loralee

Loralee — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 04:29:14 +0000

Anyone who tried to put a time schedule on grief has NO CLUE what they are talking about.

You are under no obligation to feel better or hurry up your grieving process to make it more comfortable for everyone else.

You lost a baby. Miscarriage or stillbirth or baby loss, childhood death or adult death, they are ALL wrong and painful. It is the worst loss there is. Trust me, I know.

HUGS>

By: Michele Chaves

Michele Chaves — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 15:52:48 +0000

You’re stronger than you realize. All your feelings are totally valid and you can have them for as long as you want to have them. Don’t add more pressure than there already is. Just work through it in your time, however much or little time that is. You will be ok.

By: quiltcat

quiltcat — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 15:02:06 +0000

The thing is…your physical symptoms will resolve themselves on their own; you can help by getting enough sleep, eating well, trying to move more, blah blah blah. The emotional healing will take time and patience. I’m sure no one would be cruel enough/stupid enough to expect you to “just move on” after a miscarriage??? I don’t know whether this will help, but a friend of mine had 5 miscarriages between the birth of her first daughter (now working her first job after college) and the birth of the second (now learing how to drive). I don’t know how she and her husband had the courage to keep trying, but they did…and that second daughter is an amazing blessing in their lives. This is not to say that you and TobyJoe shouldn’t decide that it is just too painful to risk again…that’s an entirely reasonable decision… Blessings and hugs and wishes that the pain will lift some more.

By: MommaA

MommaA — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 13:32:19 +0000

It is really brave and helpful of you to post this. As I’ve mentioned before my mother, cousin & close friend have both endured this and I had no idea that the pregnancy symptoms and things continued after the DNC; I ignorantly thought after the procedure the only thing they had to battle was the emotional side. I’m sure your helping alot of people by sharing this information.

By: Kate

Kate — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 01:09:19 +0000

Hi Mihow– Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you. I think I mentioned before that I had a couple of friends go through this at 12 weeks. One now has two beautiful little boys; the other is back on the horse after taking some time off. I hope you too will find some peace. I don’t know how I’d feel in your shoes.

By: Trish

Trish — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 00:56:15 +0000

If anyone ever tells you to just get over it, kick them in the crotch, ok?

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Every emotion you describe, I understand. You just want it to be done and overwith. You want to TRY and move on, but it just won’t let you.

Be angry, be sad, express it. I hope you come out on the other side of it soon. I assure you that you will. It just feels like you’re in this friggin endless tunnel from HELL. Maybe you won’t feel like your old self again, but you’ll be closer. There will always be the “event” that broke your heart in two. That piece will be missing forever. But you are still you. Only a little more aware of what you can lose at a moments notice.

I hope your body cooperates really soon.

Hugs to both you and Toby.

Trish

By: mihow

mihow — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 00:31:25 +0000

Thanks, you guys for your kind words. Today was a bad day and I reacted this way. It’s been a long month. Things are better but sometimes I regress and just get mad. Today was that day.

The genetics report brought to light some really useful information that was actually positive given the circumstances. I’m grateful today ended on that note.

I’ll just have to gather some patience to deal with the physical stuff. NOT my strong suit!!

By: Amy

Amy — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 21:12:41 +0000

Mine went down so slow that when they scheduled me for my d&c and I went for my pre-op at the doctors office the doctor said he was going to check one more time for a heartbeat just to be sure because my numbers should have gone down way more than they had. Needless to say I stopped breathing for a good minute hoping that by some miracle they had all been wrong and my baby was still there…it was all unnecessary torture….I agree with Athena it is definitely all bullshit.

By: Athena714

Athena714 — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 19:58:35 +0000

The same thing happened to me after my first miscarriage. It took thirteen weeks for my HCG to zero out. I know how frustrated you are. Isn’t it bad enough that you lost your baby and now you have to go through the repeated blood tests which are telling you you’re still technically “pregnant”. Ugh. I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is bullshit.

By: Cynthia

Cynthia — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 19:05:35 +0000

I hope your heart heals. Let your husband, Em and your kitties help in the process. And there’s no such thing as too many tears…..
Sending you hugs, and hugs, and more hugs.

Cynthia

By: Kristin

Kristin — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 18:41:27 +0000

I wish there was something I or “we” or anyone could do to take your pain. And while I don’t know you, I would gladly sit for a minute, an hour, a day holding your hand, letting you rest on my shoulder or hugging you if I could. You and your family are in my prayers as you breathe in and out as each moment passes.