Comments on: As Tears Go By

By: Lucy

Lucy — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 23:26:20 +0000

I’m coming to this very, very late, but I wanted to tell you that I, too, had a miscarriage last year (May 19, 2010 – five days after my daughter’s first birthday), and even though I’m now 26 weeks along with a son, I still hurt for that lost child. I just read some of your current posts as well about the new baby (congratulations!) and your conflicted feelings about not feeling as attached to him in utero as a result of your loss. I SO know exactly what you are talking about. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I fell in love with her completely, wholly, irrevocably – long before she was born. This time, I think I’m scared to be too attached to my baby, even though I’m well beyond the point when I lost my baby last year. I hope, with all my heart, that things will change once he’s here, and I will be able to love him without fear.

My heart goes out to you.

By: Jackie

Jackie — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 16:46:33 +0000

Thank you for sharing your story. I found out at my 12 week appointment on Monday I had a missed miscarriage and had to take medicine to induce the miscarriage Monday night. I am still grieving, but it helps to know other women have had similar experiences. Thanks for posting.

By: Cara

Cara — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 15:09:19 +0000

Thank you, thank you for writing this and sharing it.
You are right – losses are deeply personal and difficult to express. I haven’t been able to put any of mine into words yet.
Having experienced 1 premature stillbirth and 5 miscarriages, the last one being twins, I SO VERY much appreciate women who are forthright with the difficult facts.

By: kim

kim — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 07:41:01 +0000

I’m deeply sorry for the loss you experienced. it’s been a long time since I’ve visited your site which is why this post is so late in the coming. I wasn’t going to write anything till I got to the part that you explained how you searched out stories like your own.

Mine isn’t quite the same and I couldn’t imagine going through what you did dealing with what was to come for days, but I deeply feel that every miscarriage experience whether 5 weeks, 12 weeks or 20 weeks is just as heart breaking and painful as every other.

I miscarried at 20 weeks, 2 days after a normal healthy sonogram. I will spare you the details except to say that I ended up going through all the stages of a full blown L&D and had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance which attracted the attention of most of my neighbours.

Afterward there was no explanation as to what had happened despite an autopsy and all the blood work you can possibly imagine, and my relatives assuring me that “nature knows best” offered little solace.

It took three long months for my body to reset itself, and by the grace of Mother Nature three months for me to get pregnant again.

I am now 28 weeks pregnant and neither my husband or I can bring ourselves to share this news with anyone but our parents and siblings. I’d like to tell people but I can’t get that little voice out of the back of my head that keeps saying “what if….”

It sounds like you are well on your way to emotional recovery, it must help to have your son to focus your energy on. I think a little part of it will always be there, but that’s ok. I haven’t read if you are trying to conceive again, but whatever path you have chosen I wish you and your family the best of luck and happiness.

By: Mrs. Mallard

Mrs. Mallard — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 04:29:18 +0000

“But then I pictured a woman going through something like this one day soon…”

Thank you, from the bottom of my lonely, broken, miscarried, yet somehow hopeful, resilient heart.

By: Danifred

Danifred — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 17:50:20 +0000

I was sent this link by a friend who thought I might find it useful.
Thank you for sharing your story and for making me feel less alone. I am so, so very sorry for your loss.

Thank you again.

By: Junket

Junket — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 00:52:48 +0000

I know I’m reading this late, but I know that I read it for a reason. A friend of mine had a similar experience just this week. I am going to share this with her because I think she won’t feel so alone. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

By: Best in Show: Week of July 27th – bethsix

Best in Show: Week of July 27th – bethsix — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 16:49:04 +0000

[...] – As Tears Go By and My Miscarriage – “And just as I closed my eyes, I pictured a little boy with him [...]

By: Jen

Jen — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 01:50:32 +0000

I’m so sorry. I’ve been there and it sucks.

Here’s a list of too many other women. It saved me. http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/2006/06/whole-lot-of-blogging-brought-to-you.html

By: La Petite Chic

La Petite Chic — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 18:10:18 +0000

I saw this linked from Miss Zoot’s blog and I’m so thankful I found it. I am 11 weeks and 5 days and was supposed to hear the heartbeat for the first time today. My doctor couldn’t find it. When he did the sonogram, I knew it was all over the instant I saw our baby on the screen. He was the same size as our 7 week appointment and there was no tell tale flashing heartbeat. Apparently our baby died after hitting the 8 week mark, which coincides with when I caught the swine flu. My doctor thinks it’s no coincidence. I am completely devastated and was wondering if I should write about my experience on my own blog and you have inspired me to do so. Thank you for sharing your story. It touched my heart.

By: Zoe

Zoe — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 14:43:51 +0000

I don’t have any experience with anything like this personally, but I’m so sorry for you and your family.

By: Briar

Briar — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 19:24:03 +0000

I am so sorry. In my first pregnancy, we discovered that the baby had died just after we saw the heartbeat. It was truly devastating. I send love and light your way. It is so hard.

By: 26 Days | MerryWifeofCanon

26 Days | MerryWifeofCanon — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 03:57:37 +0000

[...] my all-time favorite blogger, Mihow wrote probably the most heartbreaking post I have ever read. Her son is very close in age to Lukas and I always can really relate to a lot [...]

By: Autumn

Autumn — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 12:44:50 +0000

Don’t be concerned about being depressing, please! You’ve gone through a heartbreaking experience–one it was kind of you to put out to the public so women with a similar experience can find some comfort. Thank you for that. I am very sorry that this happened to you and your family.

By: Shannon

Shannon — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 18:56:10 +0000

I am so sorry. Miscarriage is so very lonely, even with the support of a wonderful husband. Some people will get it and others will say awful things. The hardest thing for me was dealing with people. From the untelling of friends and family to the nurses and receptionists who didn’t look at why I was in the office for blood tests every other week for 3 months. There is no advice I can give you based on mine that will actually help because your grief is so specific. A miscarriage is a death, but unlike most deaths only a couple people will really feel the loss, everyone else will move on and you will still be suffering. I’m glad you are writing about it, it happens to so many women but hardly anyone talks about it, and I think that makes the shock and pain much worse. I think you will come out of this stronger, it may take some time and it may suck a lot, but you will find your way out.

By: Alisha

Alisha — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 05:09:55 +0000

I have a Son who is just a few weeks older than Emory, And last June I had a miscarriage at thirteen weeks. I never understood, fully, how devastating that could be. How very real a death a miscarriage is. For weeks I couldn’t bear to get out of bed or even open my eyes because I would have to be awake and face that horrible grief. I know how bad you feel and I am SO, SO, SO sorry that you have to feel it. The good news here is that 9 weeks ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy after a perfectly normal pregnancy. This baby certainly doesn’ t replace the baby we lost or dull that pain any; though time has gone a long way in helping to heal. I know that if you choose to try again everything will work out for you too.
If you stopped me on the street and told me your story, I would have given you the biggest hug and let you cry and punch me. You take all the time you need to feel what you need to feel. You *are* going to be OK.

By: Nicole

Nicole — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 21:27:56 +0000

My heart aches for you and your family, please accept my sincerest sympathies.

By: Hazel

Hazel — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 02:17:26 +0000

I am sorry sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family.

By: Meredith

Meredith — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 20:23:33 +0000

I am so sorry for your loss. I also wanted to thank you so much for this post. I am one of the woman you were hoping to help as I just miscarried at 7 weeks this past Saturday. I have been searching the internet for days for a “why” and am finally realizing that I probably won’t find one, but can at least find comfort that I am not alone in the feelings that have been hitting me. God bless you and your family.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 15:44:59 +0000

Beautifully written.

I’m sorry for your loss.

By: Anne

Anne — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 15:31:38 +0000

I am so sorry. And also thank you for sharing. I miscarried at 9 weeks after having an initial ultrasound with a heartbeat. And it was the first time I was ever pregnant. That was 10/06. I now have a 20 month old and a 5 month old. But that first pregnancy and baby are in my thoughts every day. And as happy as I am now, there’s still a twinge of sadness left from that loss that I’m sure I will carry forever. And I had a hard time sharing and dealing with others and looked online for similar stories – I wish I had had yours then.

But as others have said – love and kiss and cuddle with Emory and Toby. Together you will find a way heal enough that you can and will be able to cope. And as scary as it will be when & if you decide to try again, don’t let that fear hold you back – Emory is proof of the good work you do!

By: katie

katie — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 20:44:22 +0000

you just wrote my experience. word for word. this happened to me last september. at 12 weeks. my daughter at the time was 9 months old. i had/have similar feelings of guilt because i, too, had at times wished the pregnancy away. i felt awful… i wasn’t ready… i barely had the energy to take care of the baby i had… but i never in a million years actually wanted any of those wishes to come true.

is a horrible, horrible thing to go through. the days and weeks after that were some of my darkest. but take solace in emory. he is beautiful and healthy and he will bring you back. and that hole you feel now will fill. and things WILL be okay. take it from someone you have never met but knows this part of you very well.

By: Erika

Erika — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 01:59:32 +0000

I am so so sorry for your loss. But thank you for sharing your story. I admire your strength. You and your family are in my thoughts.

By: Heather

Heather — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 00:01:25 +0000

I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sure that you writing about it will help other women. It is a kind thing that you are doing.

I’ll keep your family in my thoughts.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 21:05:04 +0000

I am one of the “imaginary” women who you have comforted with this post. I sent an email. Thank you.

By: Emily

Emily — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 16:55:48 +0000

You are so brave and so kind to share this here. I found you just now via Dooce and Blurb’s Twitter. I’m 10 weeks pregnant and feeling very unsure about this time around. It feels so different…and I keep reading that so many women who say this experience a miscarriage. I’m glad that I found your post and I’m sending you my best wishes for recovery.

By: Kaza

Kaza — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 16:52:49 +0000

It is so important that we share our miscarriage stories, because it seems to be a taboo subject in our society, and that’s just messed up. Thanks for sharing yours, and I’m sorry that you’re going through this. Mine was at about 10 weeks. I had the D&C too. That baby would have turned two in just about two weeks from now, so I’m feeling it again. You of course never forget. But the intensity of the grief does lessen over time, after the rollercoaster of the first year. I know you’re in those worst first days right now though, and I’m so sorry. It’s f#@$%ing awful.

If you want to read my account, it is here:
http://kazasplace.blogspot.com/2009/05/so-glad-i-dont-have-eight-kids-but-wish.html

By: kim

kim — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 16:33:23 +0000

i’m so sorry for your loss.
sending hugs to you & tj. xoxo

By: rj

rj — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 16:31:18 +0000

So sorry to hear about your loss. Wish you recover soon from it.

By: Kim Rowley

Kim Rowley — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 15:55:40 +0000

I am so sorry for your loss. I experienced a miscarriage back in 1993 (pre-internet/blogging days), and I agree that it was one of the worst memories of my life because I wanted that baby so so bad. My heart goes out to you.