Then I realized how much freedom I gained by using formula only. I never did feed her breast milk exclusively. I always had some formula in my bag just in case. Not feeling like a cow lifted some of my postpartum depression, and I still bonded with her when I fed her a bottle. I never felt guilty. Maybe that’s because my mom was a pediatric nurse for 35 years and told me that the only thing that mattered was she was gaining weight.

She turned out fine, although has mild allergies and eczema (@ Kelly). By the way, I was adopted and NOT breast fed (obviously) and I’m one of the smartest people I know :).

Breast feeding in my mind is my business and no one else’s. If I want to do it in public, that’s my prerogative (and I did, often). If I want to use formula, that’s my choice.

I’m sorry that you’ve had such grief about this topic!

and by the way, lactation consultants are evil beasts. I don’t think any of them have any patience, and they are mean! I had similar issues with my consultant at the hospital–until I screamed at her for pushing my daughter at me and told her to get the f*** out of my face. Nurturing they are not.

@ Egirl … all we can do is the best we can, and put a little away for our kiddos’ therapy around age 23. :)

And you know who’s advised to take prenatal vitamins, even when they’re no longer prenatal? Breastfeeding mothers.

If childbearing were Vegas, Big Pharma would be the house.

That whole argument about formula being created in a lab. You know what’s also made in a lab? Prenatal vitamins.

That is all.

I did breastfeed for a few months and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. I never bonded with my baby over it. She didn’t care where her food came from. I felt like a bad mom just because it wasn’t this special thing.

I think we as women have the right to choose what is best for our children – and that choose is personal, and if it means you are less stressed and a better mother – than use formula. Many of our generation are formula fed and I think we are just fine.

Oh and my breastfed baby has eczema and food allergies – things that BF’ing supposedly helps so who knows!

I wish there were more moms out there who wrote what you wrote so they know they are not alone. Thanks for writing.

I had a hard time getting my son to latch on. The lactation consultants at the hospital were awful. The one kept ripping his head off and SHOVING it back onto my breast. I cried and cried after she left. My confidence was shattered. Add on the fact that my labor was long and I had pretty bad injuries to recover from..So we went home and I worried everyday. Finally one day my mom just put my son on my breast and he nursed, and it all seemed fine.

I suffered postpartum depression but never got help until my son was 15 months old. So, I resented breast-feeding my son. I resented that it took an hour at first, I resented the fact that I was the only one who was on call 24 hours a day. I hated it. I cried everyday. He was doing okay and gaining weight, but he just loved to suck and fall asleep, which drove me crazy.

Of course the lactation consultants told me not to use pacifiers because my son would have nipple confusion, so I really felt like I was both food and pacifier.

When my son was about a week old I freaked out because he was cluster feeding. So I went to the local breast feeding support center and spent $150 to have someone teach me how to hold my son and all that good stuff. He was getting enough and doing well.

I guess my greatest issue was my lack of confidence. I would call a lactation consultant every week with questions. I would just convince myself that my son was starving even though he had plenty of diapers each day.

I went on birth control that was supposedly okay for breast feeding and my milk production dropped. So then the lactation consultants suggested I pump between feedings. Now, between each nursing session taking 45 minutes to an hour and my son needing to eat every 2 hours and the pumping taking 15 minutes per side, well that gave me about 30 minutes before I had to be back at it again. I didn’t have time to sleep, eat or shower. And everyone was telling me I needed to eat to keep up my milk production. Now, what was I supposed to do? Let my son cry? I just really felt like I was in a lose-lose situation.

Then I had to return to work when my son was 8 weeks old. I pumped each day, which I hated. I felt like a cow. I really couldn’t pump enough each day to keep up. I nursed at night but that didn’t make up for it. I would have nursed on the weekend, but my son didn’t do very well going between bottle and breast. I finally got to the point where I was mixing breast milk that I pumped with formula during the day and nursing at night. Then one night he refused the breast. So I decided to switch totally to formula.

Of course then I berated myself at first. But then I felt myself begin to warm to my son more and as other people could feed him so I could have time to eat and groom myself and catch up on sleep, I felt even better.

But sadly I didn’t begin to fully enjoy mothering as I thought I should until when my son was 15 months I went on anti-depression medication. It totally changed my life.

Now, if I ever have another child I may not breast-feed at all. If I do and it doesn’t work, I will switch to formula without a second thought.

where were you people 13 years ago when I needed you???

It. was. HELL. Never got engorged, pump didn’t work, baby couldn’t latch on. I worked at it for six months, but for the last three, used one of those Medela supplement boxes with the tubes taped to my nipples.

You know the situation is bad when the La Leche League consultant is telling you to put the baby on formula.

On top of everything else, I thought he had a sleeping problem. Thank God I finally gave in and “weaned” him. It turned out he was just really hungry all the time.

We also had the HARDEST time breastfeeding – after 50 hours of active labor strapped to a bed – and saw several consultants. It was only when the most militant one of them said “STOP!” that we did. And we were both the happier for it.

Thanks for posting this! It is so important for new parents to hear.

Parents need to just step back and employ some basic common sense. I think that is sorely lacking everywhere today. Common sense isn’t radical, it isn’t condescending or judgmental. It is just basic and simple.

I thought I’d pass long another article with the completely opposite POV — that is, anti-formula. This one’s not anywhere nearly as well written or as sympathetic as the Atlantic piece (IMHO), but it does raise a worthwhile point, which is that the marketing of formula to expectant mothers (and fathers) is so ubiquitous as to be oppressive. Or was, anyway, for us. In fact it came to seem at a certain point as if Similac had locked in the title sponsorship of pregnancy per se: “Childbirth. Brought to you by Similac.” The piece is here: http://www.gourmet.com/foodpolitics/2009/01/the-kids-menu-how-to-avoid-baby-formula.

Put these two bits of journalism together and I think you get a sense of the schizophrenia that is contemporary motherhood (and parenthood generally, really). Breast-is-best fascism on one hand, big-pharma-and-agribusiness-connected megacorporations on the other. (Similac is produced by Abbott Labs. I know that because I read it off the giant tub that’s in our kitchen cabinet. The pushing works.) What if, like L, you object to processed food products of all kinds, but can’t get your baby to latch?

No soup for you, I guess. And no membership in the Supermommies of the Month Club.

I became a bit obsessed with being a good breast feeder when I got pregnant largely because it had been so ingrained that “breast is best”. (Another part of me likes doing it for the economical aspect.) But now, almost three months into it (baby has solely had breast milk so far), I can see why people choose to supplement with formula — it’s hard! I’m lucky that I’m not going back to work right away but if I was, it would be quite a struggle to get enough milk for the baby in a daycare situation. I cannot stand pumping! I know it’s possible but I’m just saying that in the child care scenario, I can see why supplementing is done.

I didn’t get to have anywhere near the birth experience I wanted but as one friend aptly pointed out, I am so far getting to have the breastfeeding ease I was hoping for. It’s an interesting way to look at it.

I always think that my mother formula fed me (and I was even apparently eating meat at around 3 months old — weird!) and me and my sister both turned out fine (sister, actually, highly intelligent; me, not so much ;0). No one has the right to judge. And, I’m pretty sure my mom judges me for NOT formula feeding!

Sorry all these thoughts are completely disjointed. Long day with the baby!

Jonathan, I have to tell you that I find your comment a little offensive. Every ounce of my milk DOES have heart, soul, and love in it. That doesn’t make me a heartless hag. It’s like having more than one kid…your love doesn’t divide, it multiplies. Whenever I give my child my heart, soul, and love, whether in breastmilk or in attention or in whatever way I bond with my baby, I get more. I just think that some women have a “my way or the highway” mindset, and it isn’t related to breastfeeding. I know in Mihow’s case, that’s what she’s talking about, but as a nursing mom, I’ve had the discrimination as well.

I agree, women need to support other women. There is no one “right” way to raise your child, and women everywhere would benefit to be more accepting and tolerant to others.

I was formula fed and am healthy, smart and capable…but in the midst of post-partum hormones and the pressure I felt to BF, I just couldn’t see sense and reason.

I seriously want to hug every new mama who is going through what we went through. I wish I could. But your post is just that… a great big hug!

I thank you for it.

I don’t mean this as a Hallmark moment, but to somehow find a way to describe the heartless hags that dare insult and lecture other mothers. Could they have produced so much milk in their lives, that there’s nothing left inside?!?!?

Never let others get to you , Michele. Never.

Then I felt both guilty I was supplementing AND guilty that I hadn’t started supplementing her earlier, essentially starving her. Then I realized how idiotic I sounded. I was in a no-win situation and had to make decisions best for me and my family, not decisions best for everyone else. After that whole emotional drain, I became a better, more accepting, less judgemental, stronger mother.

Some things work for some people; some things don’t. And as women, we need to be more accepting of other people’s choices, even if they aren’t ours. I ended up breastfeeding and pumping for 6 months and 8 months respectively. And I’m OK with that. I know I did the best job I could.

One thing I never, ever understand: Why women are so smug when they BF successfully. My daughter latched on right away and we had no problems to speak of (except for the hours and hours spent nursing sitting on my torn-up lady bits after her foceps delivery–ow), but this is not something I had anything to do with. Why should I be proud? I was just lucky that it worked out for us. Actually, it’s kind of amusing, as now that she’s 18 months and still nursing, I find myself a bit embarrassed about it. I recently ‘fessed to my playgroup and it turned out I was dead last! Like Emory, Ellie gets chronic ear infections (as did I) and attends daycare so I do it for the extra immunity, but I found myself citing this explanation when I was met by blank stares. Oh, well!

I was FLOORED, to put it mildly. I’m good friends with this person – who is usually open minded and non judgmental. I suggested that it really isn’t for everyone and that honestly, there are scads of kids out there who are formula fed and are FINE so…who really cares? She got on her high horse about how no, it’s the best option, end of story.

*sigh* It’s been my frustrating life story as of late with this particular friend, who seems to think that her way of parenting (absolutely no television, no junk food, and of course only breastmilk) is the BEST. I’ve tried gently pointing out that it is what is best and what works well for HER family and that is really great – but it is not the best for everyone, necessarily. She doesn’t see it. It’s unfortunate because at this point it is damaging her friendships with even our non kid having friends. Why do some perfectly nice people get this way? I don’t understand it. I’m choosing to breastfeed for a number of reasons, but I would be okay with NOT breastfeeding if my reasoning led me down that path as well. I mean give me a break – there are so many variables involved in raising a kid that you can only do the best you can do and that just has to be good enough. If you try to do what everyone thinks/says you SHOULD do, then you aren’t thinking for yourself, which just makes no sense to me.

In a way, I feel like breastfeeding (and some of the other hypercompetitive territories of contemporary parenting) as little more than new ground on which to compare worth. A metaphorical c*ck-measuring contest. There’s something very post-industrial-capitalism about it, especially given all the very expensive accoutrement it demands: pumps, special bottles, consultants with hourly rates that will make attorneys weep. Like so much else in parenting these days it becomes a demonstration of prosperity, not to mention that elusive “authenticity” about which the educated American upper middle class has so much anxiety. And then, too, of course, perfectibility: as if this one thing could clear the path for our kids, prevent them from ever having to endure disappointment in school, emotional pain, financial distress. Understandable, I guess, on some level — we all want the best for our kids — but psychotic on a number of other levels.

America, baby. Love or .. have a breakdown.

Perhaps feminism in this instance was poorly used.

“Furthermore, if feminism is about making choices, and a woman chooses (for whatever the reason may be) not to breast-feed, she should not receive so much as a nasty look from any fellow Sistren boasting the word feminism. And yet, that often happens. (Which begs another question: is it the men we need to talk to about equality?)”

I think this echoes the same issue I responded to a few posts ago on feminism. Just because someone labels him/herself a feminist doesn’t make every statement or ideal s/he holds a feminist one. You suggest that women are the problem with feminism, and I think that’s a.. I don’t want to say dangerous statement, but maybe a tricky/sticky one, because it both assumes that men are the target or enemy of feminist thinking and that women will ultimately hate on each other. As I see it, feminism reacts to, comments on, tries to defend against, etc. a patriarchal system, one that both men and women have grown up in and are subject to performing certain behaviors unconsciously.

I expected to get backlash, sure. What I didn’t expect was the fact that everyone just assumed that I was breastfeeding. No one asked if I was or was not. When I asked for a prescription from my doctor a few months after my son was born, she told me I couldn’t have it. Why not, I innocently asked. Because you’re breastfeeding, I was told. Oh. Yeah, see, I’m not. Blank Stare. And then some more Blank Stare.

I am lucky that my husband is so very supportive of any issue I feel strongly about, one way or the other. Having him on my side when it seemed like the whole world was telling me I was a horrible mother (my God, I used formula AND I send my kid to daycare!) was a big, big help.

That being said, it’s too bad that I even felt like I needed his support. It’s sad that I needed to know at least one person was in my corner to get me through the stares and the whispered comments about our various choices. And the not whispered comments.

Ay again.