The Drama Never Ends
January 28th, 2009
So we’re in the new place, right? And things are great. It’s really nice and I’m hosting playdates and getting the hang of things. Life’s pretty great, right?
And then this morning on our way home from the gym we’re stopped by two building inspectors who ask us if we live here and if they can come take a look. Now, I’m not sure what I would have done had Toby not been with me. Would I have let them in? Would I have panicked and just started running? Would I have broken into song?
I am not sure what I would have done. But Toby was with me and so it’s all moot.
We didn’t let them in. Instead we stood there like buffoons—lying buffoons, as they informed us that it’s illegal to be living in the building. And then I said, “I have to go move the car.” Even though same-side parking rules are suspended today and they know this because they work for the city. And I said it even though we clearly had just returned from someplace and were clearly entering the building to return home.
But I’m sure they’re used to this type of nonsense since there are thousands of people living in illegal lofts and commercial spaces all over New York City.
They’re used to lying buffoons.
But the part that sucks is that I had no idea up until this morning that we were living here illegally. I don’t mind lying if I know I may have to. But lying on demand? Impossible!
Apparently things are going to be OK. I’m not holding my breath, but I’m also not going to freak out. Surely this will end well. It must. But then I’m reminded of all the those times my car failed inspection—my perfectly (relatively speaking) decent car—and not a block out of NYS Inspection Station I’d see some rusted out, wheelless vehicle being driven 95 miles per hour on the BQE with a plume of smoke shooting out of its windows and exhaust pipe.
And I’d rant like a champ about it—the injustice!
There’s NO WAY this building is going to fail, right? I mean, given what I’ve seen people live in, given where we’ve lived in the past, there’s just no way.
But rules are rules.
I like living in New York. Most days. Most days I think about how much I’ll miss should we ever really need to leave town, but today is not one of those days. Couple those douchebags and their fake badges with the “wintery mix” we were blasted with last night, and I am tapping my heels together, muttering, “There’s no place called home. There’s no place called home.”
And I thought that posting this might be a dumb idea, because, well, we’re apparently outlaws, but the city knows what’s up. So who am I trying to hide this from?
God?
I think not.
Tags: new york, real estate
6 Comments on “The Drama Never Ends”
It’s always something, right? LOL, you kill me. It’s funny how sometimes a lie can just slip of the old tongue no matter how ridiculous it may seem at the time. Good luck with the building Inspector Clouseu’s (sp), hopefully it will all work out. Thanks for the laugh :)
Chances are your building was designed/zoned to be legal by the architects, but the developers/landlords/agents cheated and didn’t get Occupancy Permits in time.
You should write a nice little letter to the Real Estate Agent and the Landlord requesting a full refund for any brokerage fees and any Rent payments made until now. Note their fraudulent misrepresentation of the space as lawfully inhabitable , and the fact that they let you live in there with a small child without it being cleared by the NYC department of buildings. What sorts of damage could bad pipes that leak chemical vapors do to your family? Or what if the fire suppression systems fail ? Until cleared by the DOB, your home could be extremely dangerous.
They’ll bitch and moan, and you just nicely say that you want all the brokerage fees returned immediately, because the agent and the shop will lose their license if you report them; and you negotiate down to half-priced discount or less on the rent until DOB issues the occupancy permits.
Case closed.
I just hate those little tin men with their false sense of power that they feel they can abuse. You KNOW that they get a thrill out of upsetting unsuspecting everyday people. BTW, I’m originally from WV where car inspections are among the strictest in the country and I am SO there where my car couldn’t pass inspection because of a little knick in the windshield and then you see some piece of shit rusted out bucket spewing clouds of blue smoke driving around with a fresh sticker. Ahh, what satisfaction bloggers feel when they are able to convey their feelings in such as way as to make other people relate so well that they feel the same. I’m with you!
I was just about to say what Jonathan said. Make sure that you get something out of this. This is a stressor on you for which you are paying the privilege. The landlord needs to know that you covered for them, that you now know that they’ve had you there illegally and that it isn’t ok. You’ve probably got a lease that says you are allowed to be there. Obviously the inspectors see it differently. Make sure that the landlord understands that this isn’t ok with you and that you should get something for your inconvenience.
Just to add -
Legal or not, the DOB is NOT going to evict your building. It would be a huge fucking PR mess for Bloomberg and friends, especially in this weather and economy.
The only time they did that in the past few years was last winter on Kent in South Williamsburg—and the reason why was because 1) the building was illegally converted to lofts, 2) there was an illicit Motzah factory in the basement. The Fire Dept and the DOB basically said “Get the Motzah factory out, we’ll let people move back in. Fix the issues, and we’ll give you an occupancy certificate. This is so ungodly dangerous now though…”
Your situation is completely different
- its not like you’re in the that place in Greenpoint 8 years ago and you’re paying pennies to live in an illegal factory conversion -you’re paying top dollar to live in a fancy apartment that bills itself to the “luxury” market.While your apartment might be ‘illegal’ until it gets cleared, the real laws that were broken were done by the Landlord and Real Estate agent. They broke so many laws renting and advertising that place to you , its not even funny. You and Toby are victims, and the landlord/agent is the criminal.
You have NO idea the amount of leverage you have over them right now.
Have you checked the DOB website to see the status of that property?
I am pretty sure you have rights as you are an occupant of the building now. If your landlord doesn’t comply with refunding money you can take this to Curbed and the media and it will become a HUGE deal. You are a nice professional couple, SAHM and an ADORABLE baby. Emory’s big blue eyes will melt hearts on the cover of the NyPost under the heading “SCHEME-POINT”.
I am so sorry this is happening
- I’t is SO stressful to feel like your living situation is in jeopardy -I’ve been there a few times, but not with a baby, obvs. Good luck and remember you hold all the cards.Leave a Reply