The Update About Living.
January 2nd, 2009
This post has been a long time coming. It’s been so long, and so much has happened, I am not even sure what the Internet knows, thinks or wants to know (if anything) anymore. But for the sake of history, I feel that this needs to be written.
Granted, trying to catch my blog up on everything that’s taken place over the last three months is like trying to update someone on Lost (which is precisely how I felt back then). But I have to try. The good news is, this story doesn’t include polar bears. (I have never seen an episode of Lost but I do recall someone mentioning polar bears on a tropical island. I think that’s the moment I decided that I’d probably go my whole life without ever watching that show. Sorry, lovers of Lost.)
But I digress.
We almost moved to Washington, D.C. in November. We came so close, we even looked at houses in College Park, Maryland. We even loved a few of them. But they were costly! And we realized that by moving back there, we’d be in the exactly the same position we’re in here (unable to afford anything and barely able to pay the mortgage.) You see, DC has become a lot more expensive since we left in 2003—at least in the places we wish to live.
We almost moved to Boston, too, and probably would have had our landlords not informed us we had to be out on the 31st. Originally they told us we had until March, which would have given us enough time to figure out how to move there, and where to move to. Naturally, we were a little blindsided by their having changed their minds. But perhaps that was a blessing in disguise. Toby Joe and I have always had a hell of a time making decisions. We can’t even decide what to eat at night let alone where to live.
Boston seemed like a perfect option because the firm Toby works for is based there. That particular transition would have only included one major life change instead of two, which is what the DC option would have held. We read that the public schools are good, it’s relatively safe, and we know people there.
But we didn’t really have the time to do it right.
Out of frustration and worry and uncertainty, we even talked about moving somewhere small like State College or Media, PA. Both of us have this dream of living somewhere sweet and quaint, but neither of us can find jobs in these idyllic places. We’re tied to a city of some sort. And I do like the city—particularly New York, Boston and DC. But I also wish my kid could play outside and we could afford a house (within an hour commute). I also kind of like the idea of country and/or suburban life (ease of parking, shopping, getting the most basic things done), as bizarre as that may seem.
We realized right away that places like State College and Media are going to remain idyllic because they are unattainable to us—at least for now.
But that’s OK.
All of our indecision was taking place alongside one of the worst financial eras our country has ever seen. It seemed that every day we got word of yet another failing business or crumbling financial institution. Naturally, I began to freak out. I used to be terrified of nuclear disasters. (I lived about 10 miles from Three Mile Island when it leaked. I was six at the time. I had reoccurring nightmares well into my teens.) Now my fears surround money (or lack thereof), our society, and the fact that I am now accountable for another human being.
The news and our uncertainty made me do things I am not very proud of. Instead of internalizing it, writing stuff down, working it out on my own, I began dragging other people into it—people I have known for a long, long time. I ran around like a chicken with its head cut off. No joke. I am embarrassed by my behavior. The damage I have done to some relationships is astronomical. And I will probably spend years trying to repair it, if I have a chance at doing so at all.
I have had now what feels like a 2-month long hangover. It was like one of those hangovers where you wake up the next day and you think, “Oh my goodness, I have to call everyone and apologize for the way I acted!”
It’s like that. Only I was drunk on fear.
The last week of November was spent scrambling, and so we decided—three weeks before our lease was up—where we’d be living.
Toby Joe loves his job. I have said from the get-go that he probably works for one of the best companies I have ever known. I think I’ve even said as much here before, so we decided staying put was our best option. Had we decided this months beforehand, however, I’d have a lot fewer mistakes under my belt and we’d probably been able to find a more affordable apartment. (As it is, we’re cutting a lot of extras out of our lives but that’s OK. We should have done that a long time ago.)
In the end, we moved 10 blocks away from our old apartment into a new building with an elevator, a washer and dryer. Plus, the walls are level to the floor. It’s nice. For now. But it’s not ours.
The irony of all this is we were trying to save in order to one day buy a place. And every single option we faced (after finding out we could not renew at our previous place) required spending at least 10 grand in savings. (Security deposits, plus moving costs add up.) And to make it even further absurd, we are now paying so much in rent, saving isn’t going to be possible, not until Em’s first (and only) semester is up.
This post, I can assure you, is not me complaining. I am far too embarrassed and tired to whine about any of this. Our problems are relatively small compared to what much of America is going through right now. I know that we have it really great.
We’re lucky. I know this.
But I figured that maybe if I put this out there someone might learn from my mistakes. Because I made a lot of them and they didn’t only affect me.
Maybe if I put this one out there I’ll figure out how to become a better person and find a way to apologize to all those I included in our 3-month long drama.
I don’t know.
But I do know this, if I were one for making New Year’s resolutions, I’d make this one my own: Be a better person to your friends and family. You are lucky to have such great people in your life and you simply do not treat them like you know it.
So, where does this leave us? Well, we’re broke again, but used to it. And I think there are a lot of people in our position. Not that that makes it any better for anyone but misery does love a little company. We like where we’re living now and we’re happy to stay here until we really can’t afford it any longer.
I’m happy. I think. But I’m not able to brag about it because the chemistry in my brain is boasting otherwise. Once those levels get worked out, I will say definitively that I am happy.
The forecast looks really good. That’s all I can say at this time.
Tags: dc, new york, real estate
4 Comments on “The Update About Living.”
Dear Mihow:
It is very wise to reflect on such events and I thank you for your frank comments. I’m a chronic worrier – in fact I’ve considered anti-anxiety drugs this year. But before I went there, I realized that so much of what goes on around us is crafted to make us afraid. I don’t want to make all my decisions based on fear. So, I turned off the television and the radio and stopped listening to what “they” had to say.
Yes, things are bad in the economy right now, but my worry doesn’t make those things better. Many people have it worse off than we do, this I must remind myself. And human beings have lived through worse. Being without material comforts makes us stronger and more creative. I would also venture to guess that in most instances, it is the things we do together that we will remember in the future, not the material things we got or had in the past.
So, kiss your beautiful baby and husband, turn the iPod to shuffle, play with the cats and have a nice 2009.
it’s a new year and things will be better. I think your friends and family will forgive a little stress induced insanity. Having an infant and moving are two of the most stressful life events… and you survived!
I am so happy that you have found a place where you know you and yours will be happy. It’s so hard being happy sometimes isn’t it? It’s like if you feel happy you’re worried that something will happen just as quickly to make you unhappy. But….it’s good to take those “happy” moments and really enjoy them. Hold on to that happiness that you’re soooooooo close to and let yourself be okay with the decisions you’ve made. Remember, the most important decisions in life you’ve already made (your choice of spouse and to have a baby with him:)and you did pretty well on those ones right?
Have a wonderful new year and kisses to your baby and cats!
Cyn
Ah, Michele. It sounds as if things have been really tough the last few months. I understand totally how worry can totally spiral out-of-control (in fact, I am in counseling to try and figure out how to cope!). I constantly remind myself of all the good things I do have – and try and remain confident that my husband and I will be able to face any problems we do face.
(I laughed out loud when I read your line about how you and Toby Joe can’t make decisions, though – sounds suspiciously like my husband and me! We joke that decisions are made for us and when we are confronted by having to actually make a decision, we panic.)
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