The Rage.

posted by mihow on February 2nd, 2007

I have a question for all those pregnant (or once pregnant) ladies out there. (Hell, even if you’re a guy and you know someone pregnant and can help out, feel free to.) Is it normal to experience fits of rage? Because that is what has been happening to me. If you need an example, I’ll give you the most recent.

Yesterday I took the subway into Manhattan to have lunch with some friends and try and shop for maternity clothing (which did not happen because I started to feel really sick, sicker than I have yet). So, I took the L Train home. There were two guys sitting in a space made for three people, their legs were spread out like certain guys do on the subway. (A seat-hogging tactic I have always hated, even before getting pregnant.) I moved toward the space. I lifted my hand as if to say, “Can I please sit?” They barely moved. So I squeezed my ass into the spot. (I might not look pregnant, but I feel like I am.) The guy on my right refused to budge. And he was huge, a massive hulk of a bloated man. He wore one of those puffy winter coats with writing and logos all over it. The kid on my left was with two friends, which I did not know until we pulled out of Union Square and they began to speak to one another. One of his friends sat across from him, the other sat next to him on the other side of the subway bar that separates one section from another. (It’s a good thing there was that bar separating them, otherwise, everyone would have thought they were homosexuals.)

“Dude,” He began loud enough for me to hear. “This one time, this lady asked to sit down and I was like ‘maybe if you lost a few pounds in the ass you’d fit here.’ And she said, ‘why don’t you move your legs together a little bit?’ And I was like, ‘Bitch, yo, my dick is too big, yo.’”

He friend, the guy right to the left of me, the guy who refused to push his legs together so I could sit my fat ass down, laughed. And that’s when it happened, Internet. That’s when my head and body filled with pure, unfiltered rage, the kind of rage that takes place when you’re a soccer mom and another soccer mom cuts you off on the beltway, spilling your latte. All the while the gun your husband brought you for your birthday sits readily available in the Escalade’s glove box.

The whole leg thing would have made me mad in the past but I never would have said anything and the anger wouldn’t have lasted, it certainly wouldn’t have turned into rage. And even yesterday I fought the urge to actually speak but I did come close, so very close. Sentences filled my head, horrible x-rated, hateful sentences. I wanted to kick this kid in the face, the groin, punch him in his testicles making it impossible for him to one day breed other idiot offspring of his own. I was SO MAD.

This happens a lot but only when I’m out of the house dealing with thoughtless people. And then sometimes I just get mad at the big guy at the gym for telling me he needs to “work in” while I’m on a machine. (Can’t these people wait a few minutes? Jesus crap.)

I am worried that I might act on one of these moments and that can’t happen. I’m carrying a little dude now. I can’t be going around picking fights with men and thugs on a train. But I think about it a lot. And it’s usually with men, not women. Even if I don’t ever act on it, are these chemical fits affecting the baby?

Is this even normal?

14 Responses to “The Rage.”

  1. Charlie Says:
    February 2nd, 2007 at 10:26 AM

    You’re in turmoil right now. What you’re feeling is perfectly natural. The men you describe are aggressive, territorial boors who are openly challenging the world. This type of behavior is offensive at best and at worst capable of eliciting complete rage.

    You’re already in a position of feeling alienated. Your body is suddenly foreign to you. The last thing you need is for everyday life to make you feel powerless or violated, and your sensitivity to your personal boundaries is intensely heightened.

    I think it’s a curious coincidence that you feel this way about men and you also feel confident that your baby is a boy.

    If coming into the city today to see me is too much of a chore, I can always come out to Brooklyn, or we can catch up next time I’m in town. I don’t want to contribute to your frustration!

  2. Michele Says:
    February 2nd, 2007 at 10:29 AM

    My fits of rage were more focused on my family. Sounds bad, but they drove me to the brink of insanity. My daughter especially drove me nuts because she was not being a “team player” for mommy. I never took anything out on either one, but there were times that I just had to walk away and take a few deep breaths. I don’t think chemically this is bad for your child, unless you are letting your blood pressure get out of control. Mine turned out just fine. He is the easiest baby to take care of. It’s almost like nothing really bothers him unless he is really hungry or over tired.

    My last pregnancy, I had terrible morning sickness all day. It was really bad for me in the early evening. I was vomiting everyday and unable to eat. Anyway, my OB gave me a vitamin called Premesis. It contains B6, Folic acid, and calcium. It took about 2 weeks for the full effect, but I found them to take the edge off the morning sickness. Hang in there. You will forget all the horrible things when that little baby gets here!

  3. Julie Says:
    February 2nd, 2007 at 10:31 AM

    Wow! I am really out of it. I put your name on the comment I left. I guess that is what happens when you are on 3 hours of sleep.

  4. Lowy Says:
    February 2nd, 2007 at 12:05 PM

    I definitely had fits of rage or extreme anger when I was pregnant. I think it was the worst during the mid-first to mid-second trimester. It was focused on my boyfriend, my co-workers, the city, etc. I remember that several times I just locked myself up in a room and watched movies.

    It’s hard because on the one hand you are experiencing “one of the happiest periods of your life” (or so my boyfriend would always say to me) and yet you feel crappy or tired or annoyed or fat and always, always hungry. And then added to the stress of not trying to stress out and the stress of trying to feel happy is the stress of reading a report saying that yes, stress does affect the health of your baby!! If you didn’t need yet another reason to worry…

    But in the end, for me at least, despite all of my emotions going haywire, despite screaming a few times at the top of my lungs, despite feeling occasionally miserable, my daughter is totally healthy and happy.

    I think the worst thing you can do is let stuff build up inside, which is probably worse in the long run than a momentary burst of rage. And it helps realizing that all women go through this, that you’re not alone.

    Anyway, here’s something related: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4286512.stm

  5. Meghan Says:
    February 2nd, 2007 at 12:12 PM

    One of the best things about being pregnant is all the crap you can blame on it and people just say OHHH that explains it! It is a great thing and use it to your advantage.

    My family suffers PPD severely. My somewhat non traditional doctor suggested I take mass amounts of Omega 3 6 9 and fish oil, flax seed etc. I swear I never suffered anything like depression, just opposite. It may have been running on happy hormones anyway but that is the stuff your baby’s brain is made of so you want to make sure you have enough. The theory is your baby takes yours and then the synapses don’t fire like they should.

    Ok There is some unsolicited advice sorry.

    Meg

  6. mihow Says:
    February 2nd, 2007 at 12:21 PM

    y’all, I liked advice. I want to hear/read stories. As long as you tell me I can’t eat something I want to eat, I’m fine. :]

    Lowy, funny, I linked to that exact article on another Web site just days ago. Must be something in the air.

    Meg, are you saying I should start taking those? I take a prenatal now, but I just take whatever the doctor tells Tobyjoe I need and the he buys for me. :]

  7. Meghan Says:
    February 2nd, 2007 at 12:35 PM

    Michele,

    Their was recently a study suggesting maternal stress is good for your baby as well as one saying it is bad! So take your pick.

    I would take them because 1) Your body can not produce these fatty acids so if your lacking in your diet its bad. Some food which contains high amounts are restricted in pregnancy. The baby will take what it needs leaving you short. I feel foggy or memory is going I up them and feel fine again.2) They can’t hurt you or mini bean. 3) they make your hair thick and shiny and your nails long. 4) You will never be constipated.

    I rest my case. BUT this is just my opinion to be taken or left with absolutely no hard feelings.

    Meg

  8. Jonathan Says:
    February 2nd, 2007 at 02:22 PM

    Pregnant or not, you would have had every right to punch them in their face.

    I’m honestly amazed that you didn’t.

  9. Lowy Says:
    February 2nd, 2007 at 03:48 PM

    I would be careful about taking extra supplements – definitely check with your doctor first. I think in general we Americans tend to be vitamin-crazy, when it is much better to examine your diet and try to fix what your are eating, instead of just resorting to a pill. There is also the danger of over-supplementing – too much can hurt you & the baby as much as too little. The most important things the prenatal can give you are folic acid and iron. The rest is good but you should eat as well as possible. You can get omega 3 from things like salmon, which you can eat twice a week, and walnuts and spinach.

  10. Meshbetty Says:
    February 2nd, 2007 at 10:46 PM

    Have you thought about pre-natal yoga? I did yoga for both pregnancies and found that my quality of life improved immensely when ever I found time to go. I am notorious for getting stressed out and taking it out on innocent family members….Check it out, it could help.

  11. Hemlock Says:
    February 3rd, 2007 at 11:19 AM

    Oh ho ho…. I don’t need to be pregnant and I feel the rage for you.

    You’re so right though, you’re carrying a little dude and need to be careful about the fights you pick. I would have been so tempted to smash their faces… and I’m one of those polite Canadian types! ;)

  12. Brad Says:
    February 3rd, 2007 at 06:22 PM

    Dude, that wasn’t pregnancy making you feel rage, it was good human sense. Assholes like that can make ordinary (nonpregnant) life in this city a challenge. Sadly, there’s nothing to be done about it. I wouldn’t recommend any response at all, no matter how much you might want to give one and no matter how much it’s warranted. You’re dealing with people who’ve already made a very public display of unconcern with behavioral norms. Defying your expectations is the point. Whose to say it wouldn’t persist in their reaction to a tongue-lashing? Not worth it. Really.

    Hope you feel better soon.

  13. pghgirl Says:
    February 4th, 2007 at 11:21 PM

    Hope you had a nice weekend and are feeling better. I definitely felt the rage in the early months of my first pregnancy. Similar feelings rose in the begining of my 2nd pregnancy, but I recognized it & was able to talk myself down better. My 1st pregnancy corresponded w/a huge backlog at work. We were ‘asked’ to do 8 hours a week of ‘business required overtime.’ I have no idea if my response was appropriate, but I went c-r-a-z-y. I was practically Norma Rae standing on my desk holding a sign. I mouthed off to supervisors, complained to anyone who would listen, etc. As my pregnancy went along my feelings definitely smoothed out and I calmed down. Hormones do crazy stuff to you. As much as I’d like to be in control of my body & mind at all times, sometimes I have to admit we’re influenced by our biology.

    Unfortunately, I can’t offer any advice on the feeling sick. I never had anything more than a little queasiness in the beginning & that always happened when it had been a few hours since my last meal. When you’re feeling better I’d like to recommend Edy’s Dreamery Tiramisu ice cream, if they still make it. I enjoyed great quantities of it during my first pregnancy, but it was hard to find the 2nd time around. I almost cried in the grocery store when I couldn’t find it. Incidently, everyone I know who was very ill during pregnancy had girls. There have to be women who have been sick when carrying a boy, but I’ve never talked to one.

  14. mihow Says:
    February 5th, 2007 at 11:16 AM

    Thanks for the thoughtful comment, pghgirl. Yeah, it’s funny, I have gotten three emails saying the sicker you are, the better chance you’re having a girl. And then someone wrote yesterday and said, “You know, if you’re sick during your pregnancy, you’re having a boy.”

    heh

    I felt better yesterday finally. I do hope that’s here to stay. I am in my 15th week now. Well into the 2nd Trimester. cross your fingers. :]

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