Discouraged.

posted by mihow on December 27th, 2007

We went to look at houses last Saturday. What a disappointment. I am appalled by how some people keep their homes, or don’t keep their homes. And I’m not talking a mess here and there (which is also a bit shocking considering they are trying to sell it during what I hear is a buyer’s market.) I’m talking about upkeep, filth, etc. We saw one house (the one I was most excited about from the pictures) that had pools of dog piss throughout the kitchen. I’m not sure what I felt worse about; the fact that someone cared so little for their house or so little for their dog. The poor dog barked crazily from a cage in the basement the entire time we were there.

And the walls were crumbling, the ceiling too. The rooms were filthy. The rugs were covered in stains. I can’t even begin to tell you how beat up and ugly this house was. It’s a shame.

We saw four in total. One of them I didn’t even want to go into. It was a flip and I left wanting to call the person who “flipped” it and verbally tear them up. Who in their right mind would assume anyone would want to buy a house like that? The work was shoddy. The floors which were laid over top of some other monstrosity and didn’t meet up to the walls. I pictured dirt and grime collecting in the crevices within one week of living there. The walls were fake wood paneling. This house was a perfect backdrop for where bad things happen to small children.

We looked at another house that could have been nice if the people living there cared at all. The rugs were stained, the walls were painted dark colors and not done well at all. The husband (a-stay-at-home) is an artist, a jack of all trades. In the 15 minutes we were there, he told us he was a writer, a painter, a musician, a writer of poetry, a sculptor and the house reflected his focus in life.

We saw one house that had potential. It’s nearing foreclosure. Right now it’s in something called a short sale. If things work out the way the potential buyer wants, the house could be had for 100 grand less than what it’s worth. But it hinges on everything working out just so. The woman who currently owns the house has to write a letter stating why she’s unable to pay for the house; it’s basically a letter begging the bank to go easy on her. So, if a buyer is willing to pay a certain amount, the bank may agree to sell it and avoid foreclosure. But the woman living there has zero incentive to write the letter because her credit is already ruined. You see, she slept with the guy she and her husband hired to fix up the basement. Her husband found out and left her. The house was in her name because her husband’s credit was so bad at the time they bought the house. She’s a single mother and can’t afford it alone. Her credit is destroyed. She is renting. So, if we offered her some cash, I bet she’d write that letter but it’s all so messy and who knows if the bank will agree to a short sale. It’s a mess. It’s about as messy as this paragraph.

We’re discouraged. If the houses are nice, the schools are awful and/or the neighborhood borders a ghetto. When there’s a check cashing place and a liquor store equipped with shopping carts within 5 blocks of the neighborhood, I lose interest. If the houses are nice and the schools are good, the taxes are 11 thousand dollars a year. Tack on 500 extra tax dollars a month onto an already high mortgage and we’re suddenly unable to afford that neighborhood.

I’m not sure what we’re going to do. I guess we’ll keep looking. We’re opening up our scope a bit further to include Upstate New York as well as Connecticut. At the rate we’re going, we’ll end up in Eastern, PA (near the Quaker schools! yea!) and TobyJoe will have to commute two plus hours to and from work.

This is an example of my ideal house and terrain.

Too bad it’s in the middle of Virginia and the nearest job is almost two hours away.

Maybe I’m cynical. Maybe it’s my hyperthyroidism. Maybe I’m right. But I am not sure how the middle class can afford to live near New York City and send their children to a decent school at the same time. I have to be missing something. There must be something I’m missing.

30 Responses to “Discouraged. ”

erica Says:
December 27th, 2007 at 12:36 PM
Maybe things will perk up after the holidays? People could be waiting till holiday stress is over before they put their places on the market.

Dog piss though. that’s crazy. How far upstate are you guys willing to go?
mihow Says:
December 27th, 2007 at 12:49 PM
We were checking out Beacon. It’s perfect for us, really. But it’s 1 and a half hours by car and an hour alone on the Metro North, which we’re fine with. We could adapt. The schools aren’t great. It will take time. It’s going to happen, but not yet.

Anything south of that is nearing too pricey. Or maybe we have to look more. I bet that’s it.
Chris Says:
December 27th, 2007 at 12:50 PM
Yikes. I think house hunting can be really discouraging wherever you live, but man, seems like you saw some real winners.

I hope you find something you like. Houses are neat.
rachel b Says:
December 27th, 2007 at 12:52 PM
Oh Michele. I want to give you big hugs and tell you it will all be ok. Well it manifests itself into a new set of neurosis once you own a home…

We looked in Brooklyn for close to 2 years. We saw homes that should have been sets for Special Victims Unit. Or the owners sitting in their underwear as we went through the house. Petrified cat shit, a condemned house where we toured it using a flash light. Good times. We put 2 offers on houses, one we loved in Ridgewood queens which wasnt accepted. The other we were about to go in contract on and something told us to back out. I am glad we did because there was a broker scheme to artificially inflate the actuals in the neighborhood. We took about a year and a half off to have Grace and swore we would never move to Jersey but as you know we did. We saw a bunch of crap and frankly the house we are in now is not what I envisioned I would buy and is probably on the ghetto block of our neighborhood. However, it has the space, 1 hr commute, a solid school system and a whole bunch of ex-brooklynites who left the hood because they were financially forced to leave. Sure the mortgage is 2x what we were paying in rent but it is going to us and not our landlord who was buying bosche appliances with our rent money. It was making me mad. You are looking at the right time. No one but you is putting the heat on buying a home. A friend gave us the best advice ever: Find the house with the room in the basement that is painted black with the heavy metal posters hanging on the walls and put an offer on that house. As long as it is cosmetic like new paint or carpet removal, that is all easy to deal with.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you should be a tourist while you look at homes. The whole industry plays on emotion. If you can detach yourself and look at it as an experiment on how others live, it will actually make you feel really good about how you live your life and your standard of living. Hey, who knows, you just might find a home in the process.

If there is anything I can do to help, let me know.
rion Says:
December 27th, 2007 at 02:41 PM
well, in ways, it’s good to see the crappy stuff first—get it out of the way!

OR on the flip side, are you seeing the places with someone? i always wonder if agents show you the scary places first so that you desperately jump at the slightly-out-of-your-specified-price-range-place that they show you afterwards…
Milissa Says:
December 27th, 2007 at 03:05 PM
I think you are living my life. We, too, just had a baby (he was born in September). We, too, have a cat who thinks he is part of the family…and OK, so he is. I, too, had a cancer scare (cancer runs in my family like fire, but luckily for me, my burnt-off moles turned out to be benign). We, too, are house-hunting and finding that “affordable” means “ick.”

Our favorite house hunting story? The place where the lady had at least 1000 stuffed animals (this is no exaggeration) in her bedroom, a full ashtray left spilling onto the couch, and the cat’s litter box in the bathroom sink. Yes, actually in the sink, not next to it. In it. I will admit that all of these things truly are cosmetic, but it certainly does taint your image of a house when you see all of these things. I don’t think I could brush my teeth in that sink and not think about what used to happen in it. And so we continue to look…and not find.
anne nahm Says:
December 27th, 2007 at 03:50 PM
House hunting takes a lot out of a person emotionally. Is exhausting work and it can suck like an electro-lux until the right thing pops up. I would guess that short sales are going to become more plentiful pretty soon if you can hold out.

Hope you feel better soon.
lindsaywillman Says:
December 27th, 2007 at 04:18 PM
come to ohio. we’ll sell you our house for what’s left on the mortgage.

4 bedrooms, 3 full baths, 2 living rooms, a rather large kitchen, etc. we’ll even include the appliances. they’re five years old – so is the house.

it’s a great community. and the school system is not too shabby. but not quaker either.

...the market is horrible out here. we tried selling for two years and lost a lot of money. boo.
mihow Says:
December 27th, 2007 at 04:23 PM
NYC is so oblivious to this. Things haven’t slowed down a bit here, not within a 1 hour radius. I often forget that so many other people are having trouble. Are we facing a recession? I wonder.

Hopefully, Congress gets this worked out.

I’m not sure why I have such a hard on for Quaker schools. Actually, I do know; some of my most favorite people went to Quaker schools. I admire them. They are driven but kind, generally speaking.

I want my son to absorb that kind of kindness.

I’m babbling.
cate Says:
December 27th, 2007 at 04:53 PM
You should move out of NY. I don’t know how people stay there – those conditions you describe are apalling. It’s a good thing I live 2000+ miles away from that terrible place. West coast living is so much better!
mihow Says:
December 27th, 2007 at 05:07 PM
That wasn’t ny. That was New Jersey. Not that makes a difference to many.

We tried the West coast and weren’t particularly happy there. I prefer seasons, having grown up in the Northeast. But the West coast is a nice place to visit. To each their own, I suppose.

NYC is great if you have the money and/or no kids. It’s awesome, actually. But we can’t afford a nanny or private school unless I go back to work. And then we rarely see him.

I’m fond of PA but it’s too far of a commute to NYC. Boston may make a comeback if we don’t see something decent soon. The public schools in Boston are awesome, I hear.
Heathercoo Says:
December 27th, 2007 at 05:34 PM
Ok so I know this may sound dumb but are all of those cities close enough to each other that you could actually live in one and work in the other? I mean I know New Jersey is but I had no idea that Boston was. I have never been to the US other than Alaska so I haven’t experienced the eastern states.

I say go for what feels right, which I know you will. It is just too bad that those first houses were so cruddy.
Pascha Says:
December 27th, 2007 at 06:00 PM
Have you ever thought about living in the Midwest? I live in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and have a few friends that live in the burbs. Great schools, awesome houses, but the housing market here is so tough. My friend is trying to sell her townhouse, and is even willing to let it go for $15,000 less than what it’s worth. It’s an amazing place, three levels, three bedrooms, nice kitchen and dining area, garage, etc. They just want to move into a house now though, instead of staying in their townhouse.

I have no idea what house prices are like in other states, and what’s considered high and low. My friend is trying to sell her place for 269,000. That’s an amazing price for her neighborhood, considering other houses just down the road are in the $400,000 price range.

We haven’t bought a house yet, so I’ve always just looked at places to rent, and I’ve always been amazed at the conditions that people would leave their apartment in when they knew people were coming to look at it. I know they could care less, because their lease was over anyway, but it never ceases to amaze me that people would try to sell their homes when they look that crappy….cosmetic or not.
mihow Says:
December 27th, 2007 at 06:03 PM
heathercoo: I’m sorry. No, Boston is not near NYC. It’s just that The Barbarian Group (where TJ works) has an office there as well as NY (and SF). Sorry!
jen Says:
December 27th, 2007 at 07:20 PM
I totally know how you feel. We left Brooklyn before we even had a child. We rent a small apt in Westchester, in one of the River towns, and really like it, except the small apt part. We’re torn whether we want to stay or not, we doubt we will ever be able to own something here but our daughter just started Kindergarten and the schools are really good and we like the town and closeness to the city. For now we hope to find something bigger to rent and go from there.

Good luck in your search.
Inga Says:
December 27th, 2007 at 09:41 PM
Well I do live in the middle of Virginia and I highly recommend it for living, but not so much for working. However, DC sprawl is moving further and further out and the small towns on the outskirts are growing, larger companies are moving out here too. I’m about 1 1/2 + from DC. Look at Charlottesville, though, if you consider VA. It’s a super town! Where’d you find that cute house?!
Meredith Says:
December 27th, 2007 at 09:48 PM
I hope you are working with a realtor (says the realtor). They should weed out the crap and show you the good ones. Sometime they have to go through “proving” to you what they mean, but after a trip or two you should be able to trust their judgement.

Buying is a process of learning what you can afford and what parts of the dream you can live without. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE wants more than they can afford. Eventually you find the one that feels right.

You will buy now and look back in 2 years and wonder why you fussed and what all the drama was. And you will be thrilled you were smart enough to buy in a down market!

And remember you can change paint and carpet! Ask for credits from the seller!
Becky Y Says:
December 27th, 2007 at 10:36 PM
Jeesh. I feel like I should apologize. I should have warned you guys about which areas to avoid looking. Also, make sure you find a realtor you really feel comfortable with. We started with some random dude, but figured out pretty quickly that he was playing games with us. He ignored our list of “must haves” and was showing us SCARY shittastic homes so that when he finally showed us something half-way decent, we would leap at the chance to buy it. Grr! We went through 3 more realtors after him until we found one who really listened to what we wanted. (Hello! Don’t take us to a home with only a 1 car garage when we specifically said we need TWO or more.) Also, do an internet search on NEW CONSTRUCTION. I don’t know about you, but when we bought, we didn’t have a whole lot of cash left over to go making major changes to a home that hadn’t been updated since 1968 (orange shag on the walls. Seriously??!) We found a nice starter home community. 3 bedroom, two bath homes on 1/4 acre lots. Yeah, I wanted a 4 or 5 bedroom contemporary home with 2.5 baths (one with a jacuzzi) and a kitchen with granite countertops. Then I got realistic. Yes, the taxes in this town are high, but the schools are great. Not worth the high tax rate, IMHO, but at least we have a kid IN school finally. We’ve lived here for 12 years. It’s about time we get some return on our tax investment. LOL So yeah, our “starter” home turned out to be a much more long term thing than I anticipated. But we’ve finished the basement, added on an additional bedroom and we have plans to add another bathroom (with jacuzzi). Plus the home value has gone from $160K when we bought it to somewhere near $500K. That might put our neighborhood out of your price-range, but there are loads of nice towns just a tad further west on 80 (Try Hope for a house that looks like the one you posted) where you can still build something new for a reasonable price. Good luck!
Lori Says:
December 27th, 2007 at 10:58 PM
we live next door to the Quakers in Brooklyn! The red brick building peeping in on the right is us LOL http://www.110livingston.net/2007/04/26/the-view-from-here-the-brooklyn-quaker-meeting-house/
mihow Says:
December 27th, 2007 at 11:14 PM
yeah, i hear the waiting list for the brooklyn quaker school is about three generations long.

Ok, I’m making that up, but I hear it’s impossible to get into. Then again, I hear getting into a decent public school takes a lot cash (or bribes).
Nicole Says:
December 28th, 2007 at 11:16 AM
That picture may have been taken in Virginia but the scenery reminds me of Connecticut. As a West Coast transplant who loves NYC, living within a 75 mile radius of Manhattan was a non-negotiable condition of moving to the Northeast. I’ve settled in the southwestern portion of Connecticut and find it absolutely lovely. Plus-by train-it’s only an hour to the city. Glad you’re expanding your search…good luck to you!
Christina Says:
December 28th, 2007 at 11:22 AM
First of all hi nice to meet you. I found your site googling for pics/stories about Mohs patients. 3 stages of Mohs and 2 hours of plastic surgery and I’m still not quite healed right either (damn the disolvable stitches that dont disolve?) – but anyway.. I check your page often, so thanks for the insight/humor. I figured I’d finally comment.

I saw Virginia mentioned here twice. I lived about 10 miles from Washington DC for most of my life but am now midway between Charlottesville and Richmond. Personally I think this is a great area for a family looking for the best of both city and country life. If you can get close enough to Charlottesville, Richmond, or DC without actually being IN them – Virginia rocks. You may want to give it a look :)
mihow Says:
December 28th, 2007 at 11:25 AM
Charlottesville is really beautiful. I couldn’t agree more. I love Virginia. Actually, I love DC. (we lived there for a long while.)

That picture was taken in Little Washington when we went for dinner at the Inn at Little Washington back in April. Lovely little town. NOTHING there, however. :]
Strizz Says:
December 28th, 2007 at 01:01 PM
OMG my husband and I once looked at an apartment that had obvious plumbing problems because we walked into the bathroom to see a toilet full of… you know and the lid was up. Like really if its busted PUT THE SEAT DOWN. Oh and nice to start thinking about upstate after I move away!
Zoe Says:
December 28th, 2007 at 07:56 PM
I don’t know your price range but I was just in NJ visiting my folks for the holidays. Don’t know where you’re looking but I grew up in Morris County and most of it is quite nice. An hour out of NYC via the Midtown Direct train, some good school districts, decent prices (at least from my current perspective in Los Angeles). Most of my college friends stayed in NJ and live around there with their kids. If you haven’t already, take a look at Denville, Morristown, Randolph, Chester, Madison, Chatham, Summit (heading into Union County but that’s OK). I hear a lot of the hip young families love Montclair but I don’t know as much about that area. Good luck – and I agree, try to look past the orange shag carpeting! If it’s the right place for your family, you can replace all the ugly stuff over time…
jcorn Says:
December 28th, 2007 at 09:39 PM
Oh, do I ever relate! I’ve been going to open houses and home sales forever (plus I, too, have hyperthyroidism) and the homes are see must have nearly blind people living in them. They smell, they have dust bunnies the size of wombats and there is clutter everywhere. The rugs reek of urine. I feel like taking a long, hot bath (but only after I’ve taken a quick shower first) to get all the germs off my skin afterwards. I’m not even a neatnik and I’m a bit kooky or eccentric. I have kids. I’m used to normal human noise, mess and clutter but the homes I see are WAY beyond that. I feel your pain.
egirl Says:
December 30th, 2007 at 10:32 AM
Come north young lady! I reiterate that Upstate NY is great…
mish Says:
December 30th, 2007 at 10:44 PM
hope all is going good w/ the house hunting and i hope your family has a wonderful NYE 2008. Btw, i have started using your smile :] easier and cuter than the norm
kitty Says:
December 31st, 2007 at 10:06 PM
lovely photo. Looks like heaven.

I’m shocked by how filthy the houses were that you visited. Haven’t those people watched HGTV? What are they thinking? Yuck!

Happy 2008! I’m sure you’ll figure out where you’ll be this year.
Drea Says:
January 1st, 2008 at 08:48 PM
Ow thats got to be hard. The house does look beautiful… I cant stand a messy home… and dirty is a whole other situation. I think a big problem is people have 2 much stuff.. and to much to do.

The schools in our area im not impressed with either… I may end up home schooling. My kids arent in school yet. I have a 3 year old who goes to a private preschool right now but once hes 5 or 6 ill prob. do it. since they dont offer regular grade school.

the standards just arent high these days in education.

great post! enjoyed it. :-)

Sorry, comments are closed for this article.

mihow

Discouraged.

posted by mihow on December 27th, 2007

30 Responses to “Discouraged. ”

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