I'm Going to Hell for This.

posted by mihow on April 7th, 2005

I forgot to mention a souvenir I found while I was visiting Saint Patrick’s Cathedral last week. I was in the church at the time. I had just sat down in a pew to warm up and take in the sights. That’s when I saw this out of the corner of my eye:

Except it wasn’t showing straight up as I’ve shown above. Instead, it was on its side like this:

Now, I know I never made a very good Catholic. I was constantly trying to push negative/dirty/wrong/weird thoughts out of my head so that on days where I had to attend confession, I didn’t take up ALL the priest’s time. I was way too claustrophobic to sit in that small confessional for that long anyway. But I refuse to believe that I am the only pottyhead who sees what seems perfectly clear in this logo.

Is it just me? I ask you. Is it really just me?

27 Responses to “I'm Going to Hell for This.”

  1. Lana Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 06:31 AM

    Yup. It’s just you. I think I know where you’re going, but I’m not on the same train. : )

  2. mihow Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 06:44 AM

    really? funny, because later that night when we were on our way to the Gotham Girls’ Roller Derby, I pulled it out (haha!) to show Toby and Lindsay and see what they thought. The woman standing near us was staring at it and after they both sort of agreed, I said, “What do you think?” to this complete stranger on the 4 train. And she said, “That there is a penis.” Hmmmm

  3. LadyBug Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 06:56 AM

    That’s exactly what I was thinking, mihow…

    “That there is a penis.”

  4. mia Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 06:58 AM

    that’s definitely an eager throbbing penis. the adjectives are purely my interpretation, but without a doubt, it’s a penis.

    [the appeal to share god’s gifts] now that’s a healhty attitude about sex.

  5. mihow Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 06:59 AM

    ha! mia. Little mia. My little (recovering) catholic friend, mia.

  6. jon Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 07:15 AM

    michele, there isn’t anything you should feel worried about. even with a quick glance at that card , it is very clear what is happening: the cardinals believe that they are a gift from god, and they are appealing to altar boys to embrace what they are sharing. Note how the penis is formed by the intersection of cane (stewardship) and heart (purity) – a clear indication that they intend to suggest to alter boys that church elders view their man-boy love as something both pure and sacred, and not blatant pedophilia as the rest of the world believes. I think you should contact the FBI and alert them to this.

  7. tobyjoe Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 07:17 AM

    Jon has worked himself into a scary, scary place.

  8. mihow Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 07:20 AM

    :;falls down::

  9. Diedre Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 07:40 AM

    I’m not a pervert, but close…okay…oaky.. I am. And I can see penis’ just about anywhere. I just don’t see it….but if you all say it is… Opps – I just saw it. Forgive me Lord.

  10. mihow Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 07:43 AM

    Say three Hail Mary’s and fourteen Our Fathers and you should be fine. (This is blasphemy. I seriously am on my way straight to an abysmal inferno. Sorry, mom!)

  11. grijn Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 08:16 AM

    dont people test these logos out first, pottyheads and not? i mean a spin around the block first before “unleashing it” on the god fearing public doesnt seem like a bad idea.. heh

  12. jon Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 09:10 AM

    possible explanation for the logo, #1

    cardinal : father nambla we’ve had it with you! we’ve had to cover for you molesting an alter boy for the last time. we’re beginning to think you might not just be a pedophile that we can cover up, but a homosexual that must be cast from the church! father nambla: oh no cardinal, i’m not gay. i just like to molest boys. cardinal: well then, no more boys for you! the cops are very mad that we keep paying off your victims and putting you back in charge of day care. you’ll be resigned to desk duty now!

    the very next day father nambla starts working in the church’s graphic arts department. father nambla: i can design this poster no problem!

    ten minutes pass, and father nambla is fidgeting with his pencil father nambla: must not think of alter boy penises. must not think of alter boy penises.

    then, father nambla draws his heart and shepards cane logo—fully unaware of the inner psyche he is exposing to the world

  13. Charlie Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 09:22 AM

    And if you really look at it, you can also see the letters “M” and “J” in the icon: Michael Jackson.

  14. mihow Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 09:25 AM

    Jon, tell me, is it as hot as they say it is? Charlie, if you play Led Zepplin’s album backwards, satan speaks to you, too.

  15. mihow Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 09:29 AM

    Or led zeppelin, rather. (I just lost my classic rock badge didn’t I?)

  16. jon Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 09:35 AM

    how come when i make reference to a publicly accepted practice of an instiution covering up child molestations people say that I’M going to hell, but think that the priest who molested a boy, and the preists who made a concerted effort to cover it up and facilitated future sexual assaults are considered to be forgivable, holy, and men of god.

  17. mihow Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 09:38 AM

    I’m sure they’ll be going to hell, too. You won’t be lonely or sexually frustrated. :]

  18. jon Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 09:40 AM

    posssible explanation #2:

    cardinal: oh great. i love way the heart and the cane work together designer: thank you—i was going for an elegant, simple look cardinal: can we just change a few things? designer: (ugh) sure cardinal: can you move this here… and that a little bit more there.. and.. designer: like that? cardinal: hmm.. let me see the cardinal looks at the image from different angles cardinal: is there any way that you can make it look more like a young man’s penis when we look at it this way?

  19. mihow Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 12:08 PM

    Jon, I think you might need a quaalude.

  20. jon Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 12:16 PM

    do people still take those?

  21. BIYF Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 12:48 PM

    You know, if you squint just right, it kinda looks like a duck.

  22. goose Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 12:53 PM

    quack quack

  23. Torrie Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 02:10 PM

    Before I even read your post I was thinking penis. However the word penis runs through my head several hundred times a day, so it could just be a coincidence.

  24. mihow Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 02:33 PM

    See, Torrie, that’s usually the case for me. I guess I just always see what I’m not supposed to see. And sometimes, it might be a bit of a stretch. But this time there was no maybe. I saw it without even having to think about it. As I sat there in the pew, I was greeted by a red penis.

  25. jon Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 03:09 PM

    possibility #3 priest #1: do you ever wake up sometimes and just want to rape a boy? priest #2: totally priest #1: awesome. (pause) priest #1: what do you think of this logo? priest #2: OMG! so cute! priest #1: and if you hold it this way, it kinda looks like a penis priest #2: LOL! you are SO going to be next pope. fade out.

  26. mihow Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 03:13 PM

    Jon, I’m starting to think you might need a leetle therapy. Find someone who deals with the unconscious as well.

  27. BSmith Says:
    April 7th, 2005 at 07:09 PM

    Oh jesus…I misread the posting (a tad busy at work today). I thought that they put the ad up in the church sideways…please disregard my email.

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