I was kidding about the resolutions. Except for maybe number two. I really want to go to Crater Lake. I always have wanted to go there. I knew what state it was in at one time, but now I’m not so sure anymore. Is it one of the Dakotas? Is it in Washington? Oregon? I just can’t remember. I should figure that out before I buy a plane ticket. :] And I guess we’re leaving for the day. Not sure what to do with today actually. I hear it’s nice out. Guess I’ll head home and figure it out from there… See you all next year. Don’t drink too much.

Happy New Year’s Eve everyone. Here’s to watching that 1000 pound ball drop, New York City turn into a sea of people, and TV stations showing long montages of still images set to slow music while we all get choked up behind our champagne glasses and noise makers. Seriously, is anyone doing anything fun? I think I’m staying in and watching TNT; They’re showing some 24-hour comedy marathon and I think I saw Dumb and Dumber in the line-up. Question: Who do you think gets the “This Bus Runs On Clean Natural Gas” buses once they’re made? Are they given to the oldest employees? Or the newbies? And are they the buses the bus drivers want? I was wondering that yesterday as I was headed home. Yes, these are the things that keep me up at night… Apparently, I don’t have a lot to say today. I’m sort of sleepy and I have some stuff to finish up before going home early.

Here are some photos.

This weekend was uneventful, yet quite fun. Friday Toby and I headed down to our gym and watched two hours worth of the Sopranos (as we missed the entire 4th season, lacking HBO and all). I guess they’re showing it over again from the 26th until the 30th, two or three a night, but we haven’t seen it since Friday, so I still know nothing about season 4. Perhaps we’ll have to wait until DVD after all. We signed up for Netflix on Friday as well. And received movies by Saturday. Pretty cool. We received The God her, which neither one of us had seen, Revolution OS, which was mainly for my lovely, geeky boyfriend, who watched it in the middle of the night Saturday after I fell asleep. And we received SLC Punk, which I think I really liked at one time, but when we finally watched it, it was just sort of… well, not so good and way too message driven. So the winner is… The God her. Of course. We also ventured out on Saturday to the new theaters in Georgetown to watch Adaptation. I had seen previews for this for weeks and was so excited to see it. And I have to say, I was so let down. I think I was more let down, realizing I was so let down. I hesitate to say much about the movie as I don’t want to ruin it for anyone planning on seeing it. And perhaps my not-so-good reaction will further to de-hype it, giving folks a better chance to like it. The movie’s message or moral or meaning or point was destroyed by itself. Movie will eat itself. Which, ironically, is brought up in the movie by way of a snake tattoo. Ouroboros-the image of a snake or serpent eating its own tail. Creation out of destruction, Life out of Death, yadda yadda. Blah blah. Anyway, Charlie blurts out the name of said tattoo and then goes on to realize he is actually living this idea. And the movie goes on to do so as well. And I could say,

Well, that’s what it was meant to do-destroy itself. Therefore it must have been a good film. Right?

Nope. I’m not buying it. I am hoping About Schmidt will be better. We rearranged our living area as well. After tossing out the tree, we had to. I am loving it now, thanks to Toby. It was his idea for this layout. And I think he summed it up by saying,

It no longer looks like a basement.

It’s not drastically different, just more open. It appears as though we have a lot less stuff. So that’s good. I have pictures from the past few days. Not many, but some. And I have coffee. Yum. It’s 9 a.m. I should check my email and figure out what it is I have to do today. What’s up for New Years? Anything? I think we’re gonna watch Dick like we always do. And eat. Yum.

Was anyone up late enough to see Conan O’Brien last night? Holy sweet cow it was funny. He had Robert Benigni on as a guest, who is always amusing. But last night at one point Robert Benigni offered to give Conan his jacket if he doesn’t like Pinocchio, it turned in to them both stripping down and trading suits. It was so funny. Conan is a very big man. Benigni is quite small. You can imagine. :]

And so this is Christmas. I have to work for a few hours today. Well, not really work, just meet all of my coworkers little kids. It’s “Family Day” and I should have brought Toby. Kids love Toby. It’s rather freakish. But what a pain in the ass really, packing all the kids up, putting them into a car and driving them to work for a few hours so people can see them and tell their parents how cute they are. Oh well. Here I am, preparing myself for dishonest flattery. But I think that there will be cookies. I can eat cookies. I was thinking about Christmas yesterday while on the bus, headed to meet Toby at Whole Foods. I was thinking about how nice it is with all the white lights and trees and red and green ribbons tucked between puffs of warm, human breath from cold weather. And how those red flower plantsetias, they sit there, in every window from here to home just begging me to pick them up. And no matter how cold it gets out there it feels warm. Perhaps it’s from all the oven heat, maybe it’s all the oven mitts, but it’s warmer during pre-Christmas. And then I thought about everything after December 31st and how January 1st brings new ideas, new projects and new bits of necessities which weren’t as important days earlier. Somehow, after Christmas, everything sort of gets colder. All the decorations come down and the temperature does as well. And it’s just cold. Snow falls to car driven streets and it’s gray instantly and nothing seems to smell as nice, even breads and coffee. I propose they rearrange the holidays to fall closer to the Spring. February is one of the worst months, let’s put it there. Tonight, we lay low and eat food. Tomorrow we’ll open gifts and then head off to my brother’s house to open more gifts. I’ll probably watch “A Christmas Story” tonight and drink some wine. I’ll probably try and convince Toby to open some of his presents tonight. I’ll probably wish for snow and make a neighbor a white Russian. Who knows. :] Merry Christmas, for those of you who celebrate. And, to the rest of you, enjoy the silence for a few days.

I feel like such a schmo. I just got the coolest little gift from a woman who works here. That makes three presents now from coworkers. I had NO idea they did this sort of thing, so here I am, empty-handed. That sucks. :[ I am scrooge. What’s the rule on this stuff? Is there one?

Toby said,

Don’t tell that story! People will think, ‘First bugs, then crumbling walls, now this… they live in a shit hole!’

And I assure you, we don’t. And I also know Toby and how he really doesn’t care what I say or share on here, so here goes. (hehe, I’ll make it up to you, hon). But before telling this story I should tell you about a childhood memory. I was around 6 and I was in the bathroom, ready to blow my nose all adult-like. Pickin it wasn’t so cool after finding that the weird kid in the first grade not only picked his, but he ate them too. And he sucked. Everyone knew that. So I’m in there doing my thing, and suddenly the tissue sort of pulls away in one place, leaving my nostril exposed. So one got away. I didn’t see it happen, but I knew it. I felt it leave. And so I looked EVERYWHERE. I mean, I scaled the walls, the ceiling, the tiles, the sink, the toilet and even myself. Nothing. No boogies anywhere to be found. So I finally gave up thinking

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it was just some sort of pocket of air.

About three days later, maybe a week, we’re all sitting around the dinner table chatting and my mother says,

Kids, I can handle a lot of things. I can handle forgetting to flush the toilet, dirty cloths, skinned knees, even farts, but I have to draw the line at cleaning big boogers from the bathroom wall.

I was not only mortified (as there was a 50 percent chance on the finger being pointed at myself [Ryan wasn’t even old enough to hold his head up or eat, so he could not be blamed]) but shocked. I wondered,

WHERE did this woman FIND the damn thing!

The question bothered me so much, I almost confessed for relief. But I didn’t. We were done. It was over. And I didn’t admit to it until I was about 25 or so. So the other day, Toby and I are talking in the foyer. I think we’re getting ready to head out… and I look over to my right, down the wall, about 2 feet from the floor and notice something weird. I peer in closer and there I see them, three of them, big manlike boogers standing there, peering back at me. I look at Toby, sort of speechless, ready to blame it on him and say

Dude, there are SNOT on our wall. Someone wiped snot on the wall right here.

I point.

SNOT. Can you believe that? Big boogers!

He takes a look and says,

GROSS! Clean it up!

There ain’t no way I was gonna clean that crap up. No way. I’ll clean up cat puke and cat pee and cat poo but not human snot. I draw the line at human snot. So Toby cleans it up with a 6 foot broom and a dustpan, scoops it away (along with some paint from the wall, telling us it’d been there for a bit and most likely the maintenance men did it when they painted our place a few months back). Snot. I assure you, our place is very nice. And if Missy pops by or scbob or even my mother, I’m sure that they’ll back me up on this claim. I think perhaps it was just a little karma, for that time I was young and couldn’t place the contents of my own nose. So fess up. What did you do?

Why did I think it was:

Movin on up To the top.

and not:

Movin on up To the East side.

I lost a bet because of this.

I have been informed by the law firm Schmittle, Schmittle and Pook that I have been evicted from my home for neglect.

Here are some pictures. I took some last night, but we were in a smoky, dark bar so they didn’t turn out. I only put one up. And the rest are sort of boring. MP3 of the band to come…

Last night Toby noticed I had my bag with me. We went to see a show at the Black Cat and we didn’t leave the house until 9:00 and there was no real reason why I needed my bag, I told him it was to hold my camera. But I could have put my camera in my pocket. So there it was, my bag, drooped over my shoulder, a totally extraneous character in the movie of my life. But it got me thinking about my bag. My bag is sort of heavy. It is sort of noticeable. What is in my bag? Have I actually moved anything lately? Have I been somewhere and said,

Thank goodness I have my bag with me!

or

I have that thing you need… I have it in my bag!

No. I haven’t. I’m not sure why I take it everywhere. I just know that one day I’ll be somewhere and NEED something in the damn thing. What? Well, it might help to know what I actually have in it.

THE CONTENTS OF THE BAG.

One United States Passport.

(Not sure why).

My checkbook from my canceled account in Brooklyn

One zip disc, sans a case.

One Motorola phone.

A wallet

(which has other stuff in it, but that’s way too much).

A bottle of Yes! Natural Mood Support.

(I obviously never take).

One packet of Emer’gen-C.

A notepad

One Pink Hi-liter.

Keys to my brother’s apartment in NYC. (My old one).

A small, round piece of wood.

All of my bills and pay-stubs since the day I moved here in a folder.

Two natural, cotton feminine products.

One mystery CDR

A train ticket from NYC to Washington DC

A calendar. Blue

One Elph camera.

Two rings and one 8 Mile movie stub.

Some eye cleaning stuff. (It’s in a plastic tube thingy. Free sample).

Tube of some sort of Herbal Zit-away.

4 Barrettes and a tube of lip balm.

One banana. One, fairly old clementine.

A candle and a small plate to put it on.

(Yes). And I ask you, what is wrong with me? No one needs this crap. Does it make me feel better knowing I have “stuff” on my person? I think I need to do something about “the bag”. What do other people always have on them? Am I missing something?

I had a never ending dream last night that I kept wetting my own pants. It was truly disturbing, not because I was wetting my pants over and over again while sitting in someone else’s house I used to hang out with, but because I was super relieved each time it happen. Thing is, you might assume I actually had to pee and that was why I kept peedreaming, but I did not. Odd. Anyway, I’m apparently SUPER gross today. First bad, ugly words now pee…

I recieved this a few minutes ago. Should I be concerned?

Last night Toby and I were discussing Quorn Products as sometimes I kind of miss their chicken and we started to discuss how they made them, with some sort of man-made fungus and all, spores and stuff and I became gaggy and asked him to stop. So I guess, for now, I’ll live without the Quorn until I know it’s safe and “normal”. However, the mention of the word “spore” and the word “fungus” got us (or me, rather) on the topic of how the name Quorn sounds and how it sort of fits with what it turned out to be. And it got us talking about words like “warts”, “snot”, “hemorrhoids”, “corns” and the like. And I was slightly put off by the fact that these word sound as gross and disgusting and unappealing as they are. Toby said,

Well, right now, rename “wart”. If you don’t like it, rename it.

I said

skyke

So from now on, those with what was once a wart, now have a “skyke”. It sounds better. And I also decided that Chlamydia is a much better VD to acquire than say… Gonorrhea or Herpes. And Syphilis is ok as well. (Judging by the sound of them, of course). What would you like to rename? What words bother you?

I love the holidays. I do. I enjoy pretty much everything about them. Even the spending of money and the cold. I think one of my favorite things about the Holidays is how chill everyone usually is at work. Coworkers are less apt to use the

RIGHT NOW

quantifier for time. Instead, you get an ample amount of time to complete something, and sometimes your boss or client will say

Ah, don’t worry about that until after the holidays.

I think it’s the only time of year where the “Don’t freak out” mentality is applied and that nothing is or should be that important. And I like that. Suddenly it makes coming to work and choosing to save your PTO almost worthwhile.

But the folks out and about walking on the streets, and penetrating the buses, the metros and the cars-they’re not so happy. Some walk around grinching about the place trying to ruin this time for everyone they happen to come beside. They honk their horns, they yell, they flick folks off, they wander around all pissed off, looking for that parking spaces, expensive presents they don’t really want to buy, and their anger-it shows. And the spectacle makes me want to pinch them all.

I wish I knew why people liked a bad mood and how it is they can’t see that when they’re pissy and mean, they perpetuate, and distribute said mood to all others unlucky enough to be in their way. I wish I could ask them what it is they’re so angry about, get the real answer, and then ask them if it’s really that bad. Some will probably punch me out and a broken nose for Christmas would suck. I like the smell of flavor, and cookies, and spicy snow, I like the smell of trees and pie is kinda nice as well.

Let’s pretend that New Years day is it and then it’s all over. And pretend that we’re ok with that. Let this time be not a matter of putting off all the “bad things” but instead a matter of there being nothing really bad at all. And let’s be nice to our fellow commuters, they have to be there as well. :]

Today I was told to: (in under an hour—which really makes a designer cringe when they desperately want to make it realistic). A). Scan in an image of Xena, Warrior princess B). Scan in an image of the Boss’s neighbor C). Superimpose said neighbor’s face onto Xena’s body.

I’m home today. Sick. And it’s our company Christmas party. I’m not so cool. :[ I think I may have eaten rank seafood at some restaurant last night. I met my friend Soung for a drink or two and we ordered all these tapas. One of the dishes were fried mussels and after eating 3 of them, I began to wonder what it was about them that tasted odd. Soung asked me if they tasted odd, finally. They smelled like wet dog, they tasted like what I imagine the sludge on the bottom of the bay to taste (and not in that good mussel way). So I’m throwing up. It’s ugly. And now I’m hungry but afraid to eat. Tea it is. :] I hate the guilt associated with a sick day.

Ok, so I have a working version of Designable.org up and would love help and/or suggestions. Please feel free to give me suggestions here or just sign up and add them on designable.org. (I realize it looks a LOT like some other website. hehe. I am still trying to figure out the editing process).

I forgot to mention the best part about the cake. When I called to have a message written on it, she asked who I wanted to say happy birthday to. I had them write,

Happy Birthday, Beaner!

(Long story). And when I arrived to pick it up, I walked in and she said,

BEANER!” Cake for beaner?

I nodded. She continued,

Everyone kept reading the cake and saying ‘does that say “Happy birthday, Beaver?” ’ and I would say ‘NO! it’s BEANER!’

Pretty funny. Happy birthday, beaver. (It did sort of look like “beaver”).

Last night was fun. I left work a bit early to run to Sticky Fingers in order to pick up a cake I ordered for Toby. After picking up the cake, I dropped it off at the Ethiopian restaurant and let them know we’d be back by 5:30. I brought some candles too. :] So he had no idea about the cake, until later when I had a small powwow with the waitress. He said he wondered why I kept getting up—doing stuff. Good times. So these poor women, after being told,

You really don’t have to sing, I see how busy it is, please just bring out the cake,

sang. We tipped them well and left for the Toledo Lounge to meet Michael, Steve and Christian for a drink and to share some of the cake. Home before 8 p.m.. Toby seemed to like his presents. I got him Socom, two books on Indian cooking, and a webcam for OS X so he could do some geek, scripty stuff. The webcam’s pretty cool—he was playing with it last night. My next step is trying to convince him to hook it up while he’s playing Socom as you talk to the men on your team through a headset. It’s a hoot. Pretty cool game, if I must say so myself. I forgot my cell phone today at home. So I feel sort of “alone” as I don’t know ANYONE’S phone number by heart anymore. I rely on that thing too much, I’m learning. :] Some pictures in a few.

For some reason my captions aren’t showing up. I am not sure why. (I’m asking Toby to look into it because he’s good at it and I am not). But here are some of the pictures I have. There are about 20 more but this was getting so large, I figured I’d do them separately, if at all.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TOBYJOE!!! He’s a big boy now. :] Tonight, we go for Ethopian food, which pretty much sums up how important he is as I can’t really deal with the wet lip-like bread they serve with everything. bleh. So that’ll be interesting. Though, it’s been years since I have tried it and I have only had it once, so perhaps this time I’ll love it. After dinner, we’ll probably just go home and open presents and drink plum wine or something. Who knows. I have images from the past weekend but have to finish some stuff up before preparing them all. (First day back in the office since Friday, everyone knows how that can be).

Thanks for all your comments/help yesterday about Director and such. I look forward to bombarding Codable.com with Lingo questions in the next few months as I’m sort of inspired all over again. :] I know it ain’t no Flash and I know Flash ain’t no Director, but it’s nice knowing new things. Toby and I met at the mall last night and while standing in line for one of his presents, I met the most hideous woman. I had a few minutes before he met me in Best Buy and I spent most of those minutes fretting over whether or not he was going to catch me in the act, ruining my surprise. What to do? So I very nicely ask the woman ahead of me,

Hi. I have a strange request, I am in line buying a birthday gift for a friend and he’s about to walk in and I want to make sure I have this in a bag before he does so as he has no idea I’m buying this. Do you think I can jump ahead of you? It won’t take me long, I have an ATM card I’ll pay with…

She cut me off, her pinched up face and snotty little rat-nose pointing at me,

Absolutely not. I have two hungry kids at home and I have to go. I am sorry, but you’ll just have to hide if he walks in.

I was shocked. She kept talking at me. I ignored her, shocked. Toby walked in. I directed him elsewhere, while this woman watched and turned her nose up at me. I wanted to punch her. I wanted to run her stupid panty-hose. I wanted to pull her hair and spit on her stupid, expensive shoes. Bitch. Toby amused himself while I waited. She nearly ruined my night. Class starting, back in a few. Today: LINGO! woohoooo!!!

We’re on a lunch break.

A few things I have learned:

Director is very similar to Flash but not as buggy (not that I know much about this).

Lingo seems a bit weird or maybe it’s just foreign.

Director is able incorporate PDFs easily by way of 3rd party extentions something flash does not play nicely with.

Director uses video better than flash.

A few things that annoy me:

In order to create an .exe for PC you need to create the file on a PC using PC software. And the same goes for a Mac. There are ways around this by placing code within the opening of the .exe file which has to be written using the PC version of the software and then imported into the Mac file. I’m still trying to figure this out, but I think I get it.

Why can’t we all just get along? hehe

I am in Alexandria for a Director class. It took me over an hour to get here, which would have been fine if it weren’t so cold out. I am the only Mac user in the class today. But there are only 4 people signed up. We’ll see if I learn anything. :] We’re not able to drink coffee (or anything) around the computers, and that’s just annoying. But I suppose it makes sense. Some newbie designer dude, fresh out of school, came up to me while I was putting my sandwich away and said,

Are you here for the Quark class? I’m here for the Quark class.

I answered trying to not make any eye contact as I hadn’t had coffee and really didn’t want to chat,

I know that program—-mastered it years ago. I’m here for the Director class.

What a loser, I am. And so pathetic that it sounded as if I were bragging about knowing Quark. Dork. (Me, not him). Anyhow, it’s nearly time to begin. Be back later. (I hope).

And one more very important thing:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!

(It’s actually tomorrow, but no one works tomorrow). :] Happy day, mister.

Several months ago I had a thought about Asian girls and boys. I was thinking about the popular American “Asian Fetish” and was thinking about the people I know who dig the Asian gals and boys and I decided that many of them are really just looking for something new and/or exotic all together. So I decided this,

Asian: The Third Gender

Indeed. And then about two weeks ago, I’m reading Middlesex which is about a hermaphrodite, (as I mentioned before) and the main character, Cal, meets an Asian girl. They’re hanging out, getting to know one another, and the girl asks Cal if he’s gay. He says that he’s not and she says,

Well, I have dated men who are actually gay. They date asian because it’s the last stop. Asian girls are the last stop.

(Or something very similar). And I laughed and laughed and laughed. And I’m not sure why I’m bringing this up, and if it disses on the Asian chicas I do apologize, but I think I’m/he’s onto something here. You can all flog me now.

Here are some images from today. Not many. And not too exciting.

Holy crap! This is super cool. Snow. Everywhere. I love it. I don’t love I’m at work, but I’m not going to stay long, me thinks. I have pictures of the trip in, which took about 1.25 hours (normally 25 minutes). The buses are running few and far between and there are so many folks looking to take public transportation today as they don’t want to have to shovel out their cars and SUVs. While I was on the bus, I received a spastic phone call from a friend screaming,

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE HEADED TO WORK?! YOU CAN’T GO TO WORK! TURN AROUND, WE’RE GOING SLEDDING!

Ho hum. So here I am. At work. Wondering why as NO ONE is here except us “walkers”. We’ll see. I hear we’re leaving early. yaya!

::crosses fingers::

My pickle tastes like soap.

Last night I met Toby at Bedrock again for some pool playing. It was great as many of our friends showed up to throw some darts as well. I even saw someone I hadn’t seen in over two years who came out to chat with the bartender. It was a good time. Smokey, but good. I played darts against Scott, Michael and Tim and lost by about 175 points. I am feeling a bit better today. I cut out my morning coffee to avoid feeling too jumpy, so we’ll see how that goes. I’m drinking green tea instead. I really don’t have much to say right now and I forgot my cord again, so I can’t upload any pictures. Damnit. :]

Day two. It’s getting easier. I guess I’m not alone in the whole going back to work thing after a 4-day weekend. It’s slightly easier now that there’s some padding. Lately, I haven’t been feeling well. I feel nauseous. And I’m not sure if it’s my diet, my head, or there is actually something wrong, but it’s annoying. And emotionally I’ve been in some kind a funk as well. And its cause, I am unable to pin-point. I have even tried to call many doctors by way of my I’m-just-doing-my-job health insurance agents (who are just downright careless) in order to schedule an appointment to talk to someone, and have met numerous dead ends. Some aren’t taking any new patients, some don’t have up-to-date phone numbers, many, here in DC, are only accessible via car (something that I’m just getting tired of while living here—the need for a car). There was my most recent attempt, where I scheduled an appointment only to have the doctor cancel on me the day before. He lived far out anyway. I would have had to take a cab. I did find it funny. And then there are a number of people who just don’t return the call. All my life I have some hesitations to visiting a doctor in order to talk to him/her about my life. The idea, in my head, seems too much like whining. I can pretty much talk myself out of thinking anything is “that bad” so it all just seems annoying. I know this isn’t true, but it’s been a small barrier I finally overcame. It seems even funnier to me, that having done so, I can’t find someone. Did Tony make it cool or something? :] I’m not losing my mind or anything. I know things are going to be ok, that nothing is “that” bad for that long. But I am sad. I have a feeling of joylessness and it’s been that way for a while. I have filled my days in order to take my mind off of it—this impending feeling. And I get excited over television programs now. I moved from NYC to DC to settle down a bit. I took the lazy boy of jobs. I have an understanding boy. And yet I still just don’t feel right. I’m hyper critical of the way I look. And things I say I apologize for and say “I’m stupid”. I was never like this. And there are days where I see me and I want to slap myself for being this new, insecure person. And I’m sure there are some who this might make uneasy. reading this. You might be sort of embarrassed. Or you might be wondering if I’ll do something irrational. I know nothing is that bad, And, for the most part, I know everything is ok. I’m only stating what everyone at some point thinks and feels. We’re all entitled to our time feeling funked and sad. And even if we’re not alone we can feel lonely. (edited): I just reread this, and it sounds pathetic. I assure you, I am not that sad. So say something witchy or just send me music.

Word Association Game:

How to play: I’ll say a word or phrase, you tell me the FIRST thing you think of. (NO CHEATING!) I’ll put the word in the comments section.

Ready? Good. Be honest.